This sobered him up. He slid back up the sofa, slightly further away from her. ‘I can’t say that I have. There have been other stresses of course but nothing like that.’
‘I suppose, when a situation was untenable you just changed it?’
He nodded. ‘True. Sometimes that was imposed on me though. For a long time I had a contract whereby I had to change location every three years. It was both a stress and a benefit.’
‘But you always had a job. A salary.’
‘Yes. Of course I did. Where’s this going, Callie?’
‘You see, I’ve never had the courage, even when life seemed impossible, to change things.’
‘This is different though, surely? You had a child you had sole responsibility for.’
‘It’s more than that. The way I was brought up meant I didn’t have the confidence you and your family have. When I talk to Jessica or your mother, or even your Aunt Sybil, I feel so…’ She paused, flailing for the right words, ‘…inadequate. And yes, boring!’
Johnny put his head on one side, pondering her words. ‘Well, Jessica’s always had enough confidence for the whole of the family, Mum’s one on her own – a completely unique being, and Sybs is possibly certifiably insane. Not having as much confidence as them doesn’t make you a bore. It makes you delightfully relaxing to be around.’
Callie took an enormous breath. ‘I’m scared of change, Johnny. But I’m even more scared of turning into my mother who never ever changed. Just did the same thing day in, day out. I’ve been so muddle headed about all this. I think I’d decidedyou and me wouldn’t work even before I gave us a chance. I’m so sorry about that.’
‘Don’t be.’
‘And then the Frida-Sunil stuff kicked off so I had to deal with all that. I pushed you away as it was too much to deal with. I’m sorry.’
‘Stop saying you’re sorry, my love.’ He ruffled her hair. ‘There’s nothing to be sorry about.’
‘I’m petrified of change, you see, and risking losing what I’ve fought so hard to achieve.’ She braced herself for him to belittle her, to say how ridiculous her fears were but he didn’t. Instead, he gathered her up in his arms.
‘Of course you are. But, Callie, I’ve had to embrace change recently too. And scary change. Don’t you think I can understand your fear? I decided I couldn’t be relied upon to do the job I’d been doing for nearly a quarter of a century so went freelance. And, trust me, freelancing is very scary indeed.’
‘Is this to do with your post-traumatic stress?’
He nodded against her head. ‘I’ve booked in with a counsellor. Had a chat with someone at the hospital yesterday in fact. He didn’t think it’s full-blown PTSD but I’ve definitely got some things to process. Verity’s been marvellous too.’
‘Verity?’ Callie said, startled and not a little jealous.
‘She’s been talking me through things. She’s an amazing woman.’
‘Ah.’ Callie remembered all the murmured phone calls she’d heard through Johnny’s bedroom door.
His arms tightened around her. ‘I’ve got some stuff to work through, but I honestly believe us being together shouldn’t mean all that much has to change, not for you. Me and change are old buddies, so that’s not a problem.’
‘I want to be around for you to talk to. I’m a good listener.’
‘You’re the best. It was you who helped me sort out a lot of things these past few weeks.’
Callie did a quick calculation. ‘It’s not been quite two weeks.’
‘Only two weeks? Time flies when you’re having fun. And I don’t want to waste any more of it. Don’t throw what this might be away due to fear. You’re not on your own anymore, Callie. You’ve got me. Whatever life throws at us, however we do this, we’ll be together. It’s time you let someone else in.’ He kissed the top of her head. ‘I’m not going anywhere.’
For a delicious moment Callie let herself be held by a pair of strong arms belonging to the man she loved. Could she let her guard down after all these years and let him take some of the strain? The idea was so intoxicating she forgot why she’d begun the conversation in the first place. ‘Oh!’ She sat up with a jolt as she remembered. ‘I need to tell you something.’
‘Fire away.’ Johnny gazed at her, deadly serious. ‘You’ve won the Lottery? You’re running as Lullbury Bay’s next member of parliament? You’ve decided to open a goat farm?’ He pulled a scandalised face and slapped his thigh. ‘I’ve got it. Grace Grosvenor is pregnant and Austin Ruddick is the father!’
Callie giggled. ‘No, nothing like that. I’ve got a decision to make. An enormous one.’
‘Okay. Let’s hear it.’
She filled him in. About the job. About moving to Lullbury Bay. About everything. She’d claimed she was the good listener, but Johnny was even better.
