‘Because noteveryonewanted Liv to come, did they?’ Fran yells.
I stare down at the salad on my plate. I’d decided to avoid the messier foods, given who is sitting across from me, but now I wish I had something more exciting to focus on.
‘Fran!’ Jamal says sharply, but they’re undeterred by the table’s hostility.
‘We had a little argument about it actually,’ they explain, nodding in my direction. I stay staring down, thinking about Arshiya’s message.
We have been having a raging debate about whether to invite you…
I hadn’t taken that very seriously. I thought she was being playful. I’d taken Arshiya at her word that they were just worried about making an ex-colleague uncomfortable. But it’s clear Edward didn’t want me here. Hefoughtto stop me coming.
I shouldn’t be here.
Edward finally speaks. ‘Fran, that’s enough now.’
‘Fine,’ they say, sounding like it’s very much not fine.
We eat in silence.
I daren’t look up.
I really shouldn’t be here. I wasn’t welcome. I’m an interloper. I was the troublemaker when I worked with them, bringing my internet drama to their doors, ruining the collective’s reputation and dragging Edward into things. And when I finally do the right thing and leave, here I am anyway, months later, still forcing myself into their private evenings together when I wasn’t wanted.
I shouldn’t have come.
‘Hey, look, I’m going to…’ I push my chair back awkwardly, feeling a lump in my throat. ‘I need to get home actually. I’ve just realised I’ve got a whole bunch of work I need to…’ I don’t finish my sentence; I stand instead and turn on my heel. Behind me, I hear Sam exchanging sharp words with someone as I take off for the front door. I hear herfootfall behind me, but I’ve got the front door open before Sam can catch me. I make it outside before her hand lands on my shoulder. I turn and—
Oh.
It’s not Sam. It’s Edward. He looks upset.
‘Olivia,’ he begins, ‘Liv.’
‘What?’ I snap, then inhale, trying to get my emotions under control. ‘Look, I’m sorry,’ I continue, ‘I know you didn’t want me to come tonight. And I’m so sorry I’ve caused tension with the team. But I’m going, okay? I’m leaving – you got what you wanted. You can get back in there and enjoy your evening without me causing problems. Tell Sam I’ll see her at home.’
He frowns at me. ‘You’re wrong.’ He pauses. ‘I’m the one who told Arshiya to message and invite you earlier,’ he says softly, looking pained. ‘I want you here. I want you…’ He swallows. ‘… here.’
‘You do?’ I can’t look at him.
He sighs. ‘If you really want to know what that was all about, it was Jamal. He and Fran fell out earlier. They felt he was being two faced and unkind, but Fran doesn’t know the full story. Jamal was the one who said you shouldn’t come to the dinner.’
‘Jamal?’ I ask, feeling hurt and confused. I thought we’d always got on just fine.
‘It’s not—’ Edward sighs again, this time with frustration. ‘It’s not anything to do with— Look, Liv, he was just trying to protect me, all right?’
‘Protect you?’ I blink.
Edward bites his lip. ‘He didn’t want you to come tonight because he knew it would mess with my head.’ I look up now properly, searching his eyes as he continues. ‘He thinks you make me crazy – and I guess you do! You have done for years! I’ve been so madly in…’ He swallows again. ‘I seem to have a habit of making very unprofessional choices when you’re around. I said yes to being your therapist when I knew I shouldn’t; I said yes to being on that TV show when I knew I shouldn’t – both times because I thought I was helping you. I came to a dinner at your house. I… kissed you. I kissed aclient!’ He waves his hands around, looking so untethered. ‘I nearly ruined my career, undermining all my own ethical guidelines. I nearly fucked everything up that I’d worked for, and Jamal was with me through all of that. He was who I was confiding in.’ He sighs. ‘And then you quit the group, you left the office, and I was even more of a wreck. Jamal had to pick up the messy pieces. He had to look after me when I was crying on his shoulder every night, watching old videos of you giving callers advice onMorning Tea. I couldn’t stop talking to him about bloody tiramisu.’
I smile at this because I can’t help it. But my head is spinning over his words. Edward was upset about me? He was a wreck? He cried over me . . ? God that’s so hot.
So wait… what does this mean? What did he say? Edward… loves me? I can’t quite fathom it. Helovesme? Did he say… years?
‘But why didn’t you message or reach out?’ I ask weakly.
He blinks. ‘I thought you hated me. Our last conversation…’ He shakes his head. ‘You felt like I’d betrayed you, like I’d let you down. And I felt like I had. Plus, I still didn’t know if how you said you felt was just transference or – I don’t know – a rebound after Justin.’ He smiles wanly. ‘But then you came tonight. And the way you looked at me…’
‘I was so desperate to see you, I couldn’t stay away,’ I admit, something in my chest loosening and releasing. ‘And I’m so sorry for making you feel like this. I had no idea.’
