I laugh sharply. ‘Er, is that a joke? I know I have! Like, three times. It pretty much decimated my life, I lost everything. It was horrendous.’ I laugh harshly and she shakes her head.
‘No, no, I mean in agoodway!’ She looks awkward. ‘I know you didn’t have a very nice time when it came to the comments on those first two TikTok videos, it must’ve been horrible.’ She clucks sympathetically. ‘But the last video that was posted? The one where you sat on the floor outside the cloakroom, ranting about men and the way women sacrifice themselves for them? Everyone loves it!’ She pauses. ‘I should say,womenlove it. Obviously it’s deeply unpopular with a certain contingent. All the incels are… well, not very keen. But women love you! Women like me.’ She looks bashful. ‘They’re calling you the “Frankenstein Feminist”.’ I shake my head, trying to process this newly minted mantle, as Jenny continues. ‘They’re treating the whole thing like a battle cry. You’re the new America Ferrera speech inBarbie. You’re Saoirse Ronan on Graham Norton’s sofa, reminding everyone how women have to think constantly about their personal safety. You’re Julia Gillard on the front benches, decrying misogyny against women leaders. You’re a feminist hero. They allloveyou. They did a whole segment on you forWoman’s Hour!’
I shake my head at her – what’s she talking about?
‘I can’t believe you haven’t seen any of this! It’s all over Instagram and TikTok. It’s everywhere!’ She blinks, looking incredulous.
‘I’ve been avoiding the internet recently,’ I murmur, trying to take in her words. I shake my head again. ‘But that is all ridiculous. I’m not some feminist hero, I was mid-breakdown, sitting on the floor of a TGI Friday’s. Women can’t seriously think I have any idea what I’m talking about – I haven’t a clue what I’m doing!’
‘Have a look!’ She throws her phone at me, the app already open. I pick it up greedily. It feels likeyearssince I’ve let myself look at Instagram or TikTok and I’ve missed it so much. My hands itch with the anticipation.
Then I stop myself.
‘Actually, sorry, I don’t want to,’ I say, handing the phone back. ‘Thanks for telling me, but that all sounds quite… I don’t know,separatefrom me. I suppose I’m glad if it’s helping women and giving a voice to something important, but I really can’t get sucked back into obsessing over internet comments from strangers.’ I grimace. ‘And by the way, I’m very aware I sound like one of those self-righteous social media puritans right now and I want to make it very clear I generally have no willpower in any other area of my life, but right now’—I nod—‘I really want to focus on doing things that make me feel better, not worse.’ I glance over at Fabian. He looks almost as shellshocked as I must by the news of my latest viral outbreak. I thought he was all over the internet, but maybe he’s been having his own life epiphany. I turnback to Jenny, continuing, ‘And this book sounds really great. It’s exactly what I want to write. Thank you so much for giving me this opportunity.’
‘I’m so glad you hadn’t done too much onOrange Flags!’ she says with relief, and I nod, realising how much more excited I am to write this book instead. Like, I want to run home right now and get started.
Fabian takes over. ‘Actually, I know for a fact that Liv had done alotof work onOrange Flags– despite what she just said – and since this is a whole new subject matter,’ he begins in full-on agent mode, ‘I think we should discuss an amendment to the payment we’d previously agreed.’ He glances at me, his eyes twinkling. ‘Animprovement.’
Jenny half smiles like she knew this was coming. ‘I think we might be able to come up with something,’ she says, and I find myself breathing out, smiling widely.
More money? Thank god for that.
As we leave the building, Fabian grabs me for a proper hug. ‘I knew it would all work out!’ he shrieks happily. ‘Listen, babe, schnookums, pumpkin pie, I’m sorry for being such a bitch to you lately. I know you’ve been going through it.’
I hug him again. ‘You haven’t really been a bitch. Sorry I haven’t exactly been the ideal client.’
‘Nonsense, you’re a dream.’ He waves his hands as we head off to the station. ‘You should see how badly some of my other clients behave. Someone should filmthemand stick it on stupid TikTok.’
‘Speaking of…’ I side-eye him, laughing. ‘I thought youwere all over that app. How did you miss my latest rise to notoriety?’
He looks sheepish. ‘I may have been slightly off my game lately. I was in a fuckboy situation, and it was taking up all my mental energy.’
‘I hear that,’ I sigh, thinking of all the messy relationships I’ve been in over the years. Maybe Justin wasn’t quite in the fuckboy category in the end, but he was still soooo wrong for me.
I’m happy to be single, I realise suddenly. How new for me. How exciting!
Beside me, I clock Fabian’s expression.
‘What?’ I ask with trepidation. ‘Who was it? What did you do?’
‘It was Spencer,’ he admits, looking mortified.
I stop dead in my tracks.‘SPENCER?!’I shout. ‘The fuckboy who’s had you off your game was the awful human toad, my former producer atMorning Tea?!’
He nods solemnly. ‘Sorry.’ He pauses. ‘But I swear I’m done with him. For good this time. He’s hateful.’
I stare at him with horror for a moment, then burst out laughing. ‘Oh Fabian. You need to work on your self-esteem issues. You deserve so much better.’ I raise my eyebrows at him. ‘You better make an appointment.’
He laughs, long and loud, then grabs my arm, looping his through mine. ‘Well, my darling pookie, sod Spencer the toad man and sodMorning Tea. Who needs them anyway? They’ll regret losing you. And he will definitely regret losing me.’
‘Honestly, I think even if they did come crawling back now, I’m genuinely not interested,’ I tell him, and I suddenly, really, really mean it. My words are not coming from a place of bitterness, or anger, or rejection. I just don’t want to do that job anymore. I had fun there for a while, but I’m excited to start this new challenge. To do somethingreal.
Fabian sniffs. ‘Well, I hear on the grapevine that it’s not going well with the new guy they’ve got full-time on the sofa anyway, so I’m expecting a begging call from that snivelling little louse, Spencer. It would delight me no end if I could tell him you’re not interested and to go fuck himself.’ He sneaks a look at me. ‘But perhaps we’ll see how much money they’re offering first.’
I laugh, then feel a stab of pain for Edward. ‘Are you just saying all that to be nice, or is it really not going well for Edward?’
‘Edward?’ he sounds distracted. ‘Who’s Edward again?’
