‘But that’s the point, Sam.’ I shake my head. ‘You’re right, hewasa walking orange flag, but now’—I wave in Justinand Orla’s direction—‘now he’s not! He’s suddenly making all this effort and being the ideal man. For her. Forher! He apparently chose and arranged this date! Look at how nicely he’s dressed! Look howcleanhe is! Look at the shoes – he’s wearingsocks, if you can imagine it, Sam! And I bet they’re not filthy Christmas ones he found at the bottom of the laundry basket.’
‘But he probably made an effort for you, too, didn’t he,’ Jools interjects, ‘at the beginning? They all start off making an effort.’
‘Nope. Never like that.’ I shake my head. ‘This is so different –he’sso different. This is because of Orla.’ I stare at her across the way, laughing now with such ease. ‘What does she have that I don’t? What magical wand has this woman waved to make that useless boy-child over there suddenly become the dream man? What has she said to change him from a guy who made me pay for my own birthday present because he was broke and who then went out and spent £160 on a hat because he saw Timothée Chalamet wearing one a bit similar?’ I look between the three women, waiting for an answer. I sigh. ‘So, no, Sam, I don’t want Justin back, but I do need to know this woman’s secret. Otherwise, how will I ever meet someone decent?’
Sam grimaces and Jools gives me a pitying look. Andi nods with determination. ‘I get it. I’ve been there. So, are we going over there to talk to them or what?’
That had been the plan. I’d wanted us to casually bump into the new couple in the middle of Soho. I wanted tomake Justin awkwardly introduce me to this goddess of a new girlfriend, so I could examine her up close. So I could log whatever hypnosis she used. So I could vampire suck the transformational energy from out of her very pores.
But now I’m here and they’reright there… and I don’t think I can. I can’t face them. It would be ridiculous. They’d think I was mad, especially after my recent online notoriety. Justin would probably make a run for it.
We should just go to Franco Manca after all.
‘They’re leaving!’ Sam hisses, as Jools pulls us all further into the shadows. Justin and Orla exit the queue, laughing again at the long wait and loudly agreeing they’re not even that hungry.
I shake my head. Justin wasalwaysgoddamned hungry. I think the only reason we ever left the house for actual dates was because he liked to be fed so much and I’m an unbelievably crappy cook.
‘It’s now or never,’ Sam says, her voice all trembly with excitement as they pass by our dark nook. ‘Come on! Let’s say hello, Liv?’
I take a deep breath, steeling myself, and then—
‘I can’t,’ I whisper, and the group slumps into one another. There is relief pulsing from Jools, while Sam tuts, frustrated.
‘How about we just follow them instead?’ my best friend suggests happily, as Andi nods with enthusiasm. I had no idea Andi was so into drama. She and Sam should hang out more.
‘I feel like this night is going to end in multiple arrests,’ Jools murmurs, but the rest of us are already bundling ourway down the cobbled streets. We pass over Carnaby Street, cross Kingly Street, and find ourselves emerging, blinking, onto the bright lights of one of the busiest roads in London: Regent Street.
‘There they are!’ Andi yells way too loudly, pointing at a huge toy store front. Justin and Orla are walking into Hamleys.
‘What are they doing?’ I hiss. ‘Are they already planning on starting a bloody family together?’
‘You created this ridiculous situation,’ Jools reminds me as we creep inside, eyes peeled for the couple. ‘You’ve made your bed, now you have to lie in it.’
‘Well, that makes no sense,’ I retort, ‘Because a.) I never make my bed because what’s the point when you’re getting back in it a few hours later, and b.) I’d actually love to lie in it, thank you. Lying in beds is one of my favourite things to do.’
‘You win this round.’ Sam nods sombrely, as Jools points towards the up escalator. I can just make out Orla and Justin on there. They’re holding hands.
How sweet, I think for just a second. Then I remember that he’s ruined my life.
We stealthily make our way up to the third floor, where the lovebirds are browsing the Build-A-Bear Workshop area. They meander, chatting freely and laughing.
‘Jesus, they’re actually getting one,’ Jools says with awe, as Orla picks out the bear she wants.
‘Of course they are,’ I mutter furiously. Justin mocked my childhood soft toy, Eeyore, endlessly. He said it wasa hilarious thing to have held onto, and in the end, I hid Eeyore away in a cupboard at the top of my wardrobe. But for Orla? Sure, why not. Let’s get her a £40 customised teddy for no reason. I’d’ve loved a teddy.
We settle into a corner, partly hidden by a large stand of water pistols. Two kids run around us shouting at each other to take cover.
‘Ugh,’ Sam says with genuine disdain, watching the kids shriek and barrel into things.
‘Not a kid person?’ Jools asks with amusement, eyebrow raised.
Sam shakes her head. ‘I live by the advice given in every laundry detergent advert.’ She pauses. ‘Keep away from children.’
As Jools and Andi laugh, sharing war stories of their own offspring, I quietly watch Justin across the store. I take in the familiar way he walks, the familiar way he smiles, the familiar way he brushes his hair back, away from his face. He is still the same Justin, only… better. Happier? Happier with Orla. Happier without me.
As I stare, he carefully picks out the bear’s outfit, showing Orla options and swapping in a cowboy hat for a beanie. He selects adorable yellow dungarees, and I eye Orla now, as she laughs sweetly at his choices. She laughs a lot, it seems, but not in an over-the-top, fake way. She does it with her whole chest, completely un-self-consciously. She is pure confidence, even here, in this silly, crowded, touristy place meant for children. Justin reaches over and takes her hand, bringing it to his mouth and kissing it.
It hurts. A lot.
