‘That’s not it at all.’
‘No, that’s just fine,’ she insists. ‘I’m the only person in this whole country who knows what a big deal you are. It must be a nice reminder for you, having me around.’
‘I don’t want any reminders,’ I say, holding her closer as she pulls away. ‘When I say home, what I mean is, the way I feel when I’m with you is the way I want to feel always. When we’re together, things feel right. I want to know everything about you, Mia, your favourite book, your favourite ice cream flavour, which side of the bed you sleep on, all of it. You could read me a shopping list and I’d be hooked on every word, not because you know me from Marshall but because you’re you. You’re fascinating. You’re smart and you’re beautiful and you’re fascinating.’
She flinches against my chest.
‘That’s not what Oliver thinks.’
‘Then he’s a fucking idiot.’
Something flares in her eyes and all at once, her lips are on mine. Mia Meyers is kissing me. She slides around in my lap until she’s straddling me, the towel she’s wearing riding up over her hips as she wraps her legs around my waist, her arms around my neck. I kiss her back, instinctively and without question, my hands in her hair, on her back, touching her face, constantly moving to make sure this is really happening, that she’s really here. But she is, her hungry mouth on mine, both of her hands cupping my face as if she needs to hold me in place. But I’m going nowhere, not now, not ever. I would make this spot my whole world if I could. I would never, ever move if I had the choice.
Our bodies press so close not even lamplight can slip between us. Mia groans into my mouth as I lower my hand to the bottom of her towel and slide it underneath. I find her underwear, soft panties with a lace trim, just like I imagined, and every time she moves, grazing my cock with her ass, I get harder and harder until I am aching for release. She isn’t pulling away, there’s no doubt in her, no question at all. She wants this as much as I do.
Slowly, excruciatingly slowly, I trace a line down her spine and she shivers, making me grit my teeth to stop myself moaning out loud. This isn’t about me. Following the line of her body, I sketch a path over her hip, around her leg, pausing at the top of her thigh. My hand rests there, the heat from her core rising to meet my skin and I know if I touch her now, she’ll be wet. It would be so easy. All I have to do is pull down my shorts, slip her panties to the side and take her. Her soft sighs and murmurs get louder as her hands press against my chest, her hips gently bucking back and forth whenI deepen the kiss. Her mouth tastes like heaven. I wonder what she’ll taste like when I go down on her. The thought alone makes me thrust up against her and she groans. I could make her come so hard she never even thinks of Oliver ever again.
But I don’t. I can’t. Not like this.
‘Hey, Mia, hey.’ My words come out choked and it takes every last ounce of self-restraint I have to break the kiss. ‘No, we can’t.’
Mia’s eyes are glazed, her lips already swollen and red. I concentrate on a spot by her ear because can’t look directly at her. If I do, I won’t be able to stop myself.
‘But last time you said—’
‘I know I did but this isn’t right.’
Lifting her out of my lap, I stand, adjusting myself to tuck my raging erection into the waistband of my Calvins as she stares at the ground.
‘You don’t want me.’
Her words are leaden. They drag me down me like a ten-tonne weight.
‘I don’t want you like this.’
I hold out my hand to help her to her feet but she ignores me, pushing up off the ground herself. I can’t tell if her face is red from the scruff on my chin or embarrassment, but either way it’s my fault and I can’t forgive myself.
‘You’re not with me right now because you want to be,’ I say, guttural and full of regret. ‘You’re with me because you want to get back at Oliver.’
A shrug, her bare shoulders gleaming in the moonlight.
‘So?’
I didn’t realize how badly I wanted her to deny it until it’s out of her mouth. My heart sinks as she stares at me, cold and hurt.
‘I care about you,’ I whisper, trying to hold it together. ‘When we’re together, I want to be the only one you’re thinking about.’
She scoffs, arms wrapped around herself.
‘Because you’ve only ever slept with girls when you have a deep emotional connection? Give me a break, Ethan.’ Mia is vicious when she’s hurt but I don’t say anything. I can’t. She’s right after all; I’ve hooked up with girls and barely even known their names, but it’s different this time.
She’s different.
I’mdifferent.
‘Is this a game?’
I squint at her, trying to make sense of the question.
