‘I don’t want to talk about it,’ she sniffs. ‘But I overreacted and it’s over. Not that it ever really started.’
Still in my arms, I feel her body relax, go limp really, and a long, shaky sigh passes through her lips.
‘If it never started, why are you so upset?’
‘Because,’ she says. ‘Things were supposed to be different here.’
Now I really don’t understand what she’s talking about.Everythingis different here.
‘It’s not just Oliver.’ Mia runs her fingers under her eyes and they come away black. ‘Every time I go to Members, I feel like I’m going to throw up. The days I have a shift, I wake up in the night worrying about how I’m going to mess up. I’m trying so hard, but it never gets any easier.’
‘Then quit.’
‘I can’t, I need a job, my family isn’t super wealthy, I have to contribute, I have to help.’ She’s speeding up again. I twist my fingers into her hair to bring her back down and it works, at least for a moment. ‘Alice did me a huge favour when she got me the job, I don’t want to let her down. If I quit she’ll think I’m so ungrateful.’
‘Nah, Alice will understand,’ I tell her. ‘She’s cool.’
‘She won’t be cool with me after she talks to Jenna.’ Mia looks up at the sky, lips pressed together and tears streaming down her face. ‘And none of it matters if I fail my Dickens module and get sent home. I have to keep a 65 average and I didn’t think that would be hard but it’s so hard, so incredibly hard. School is the one thing I’ve always been good at and now I can’t even say that. Imagine if you got here and found out you suck at soccer, like, the standard here was a thousand times more intense than back at Marshall and you got cut from the team. How would you feel?’
‘I would feel like the world was ending,’ I say and it’s true. I know because that’s how I felt when Bre’s dad made it clear I should not plan on returning to Marshall this year.
‘My folks spent so much money to send me here, more than they had, and for what?’ Mia gulps in air as I shake that ugly conversation out of my mind. It’s not about me right now. ‘Tens of thousands of dollars for me to find out I was never that smart to begin with.’
‘You’re the smartest person I know,’ I tell her, pulling a napkin from my pocket and handing it to her. She swipes at her eyes than drops it to the ground. ‘So what if classes are a little tricky here? You’re still settling in. Mia, you’ll get it. You were an English tutor at Marshall, they don’t let just anyone do shit like that.’
‘Dr Quinn doesn’t exactly rate Marshall’s academic credentials. Also, he hates me.’
‘No one hates you.’
I tilt her chin towards me until I can see her face. She isn’t crying anymore, just staring, her expression completely blank.
‘No one hates you. Even if they’re a little pissed off right now, I guarantee your friends aren’t going to ditch you because of one argument. It’s not like you—’
Put your brother in a wheelchair and almost killed your girlfriend.
‘It’s not like you did anything to intentionally hurt them.’ I finish my sentence with a lump in my throat. ‘The job thing we can work out, there has to be something else you can do. And I’m not exactly an expert when it comes to English, but if you wanted to, we could study together? God knows I need all the library time I can get.’
Mia pulls away from my chest and her eyes focus on me.
‘Why aren’t you at the bop?’ she asks, eyebrows squeezing together with the question.
‘Wasn’t feeling it.’
It might not be the whole truth, but it is the truth.
‘Let’s go back to halls,’ I suggest. ‘We could watch a movie if you want? I picked up more of that cookie dough from the store.’
‘You’re being so nice to me.’ Her fingers curl against the fabric of my jersey. ‘Why are you being so nice to me?’
‘Because I like you.’
The words register like I’m speaking a foreign language, a frown forming as Mia tries to translate.
‘Because you’re smart,’ I add when she doesn’t say anything. ‘You don’t take my shit. You make me laugh, even when you don’t mean to. I like you because when I’m with you, I feel like I’m home.’
‘Home.’ Her face smooths out and she nods to herself. ‘You like me because I remind you of home. Honey butter biscuits and Marshall college, okay, I get it now.’
The grass around us is already sparkling with dew but I can’t feel the damp, I can’t feel anything but Mia.
