It’s not a fight worth having because it doesn’t matter anyway. Tossing the used Kleenex in the trash, I filter through everything and try to come up with an answer.
‘We slept together,’ I begin, pretending I don’t see her silent cheer.
‘And?’
‘And now it’s over.’
‘Just like that?’ She flings a pastel highlighter at me from across the bed. ‘No, Mia, I need to know what level of outraged I’m working with. Are we giving him the silent treatment or are we walking him naked through the town while ringing a bell and chanting “shame”?’
I want to smile but I don’t have it in me.
‘It’s not my story to tell but he hasn’t been honest with me,’ I say, running through everything I found out one more time. It still doesn’t feel real. ‘About why he came to Hemden. He’s been keeping the real reason a secret.’
‘And you know this how?’
‘Oliver told me.’
‘Oliver, the world’s biggest Ethan Taylor stan?’
‘Maybe he doesn’t worship the ground Ethan walks on, but he was right.’ I gulp in a breath of air, catching as much oxygen as I can.
‘Okay, not filling you in does sound shady but is it definitely set-everything-on-fire worthy?’
‘He also said some shitty things about me.’
‘Then we will kill him.’
I pick up the highlighter, flipping it back and forth, pulling the cap on and off with a satisfying clicking sound. ‘If he’d been honest with me, maybe I would’ve understood, but he didn’t. Now I have to question all of it.’
Alice lays back against my pillows and makes a contemplative sound.
‘At the risk of being the wise old woman of Carpenter Hall again, my nan always said you can judge a person by their words or by their actions but if you believe what you’re told instead of your own two eyes, you’re a bloody idiot.’
‘Your grandmother said that?’
‘Not in those exact words. Nan swore a lot more. She was amazing. My point is, when he wasn’t failing to hand in his how-I-spent-my-summer essay, how did Ethan treat you?’
‘Good, I guess.’
‘Just good? We haven’t known each otherthatlong but I don’t believe for one second you’re a girl who drops trou for a man who treats you “good”.’ Alice stacks my books and notecards, then picks up a handful of pens, throws the first at my head and prepares another rally. ‘Last I heard, you couldn’t stand the man. Something must’ve changed.’
‘He grew on me, okay?’ I hold up my hands to defend myself against the next barrage of pens.
‘Like mould?’
‘Like, I got to know him better and I thought he was a good guy. He baked me biscuits on my birthday.’
‘Is that an American euphemism for a very dirty sex act?’
‘No,’ I say, definitely not smiling. ‘He literally baked me biscuits. Found a recipe, bought the ingredients, put them in the oven. They were delicious.’
‘And you didn’t shag him there and then?’ She looks shocked and appalled. ‘If a man as hot as Ethan Taylor spontaneously baked for me, I fear I would propose. Not that hot is everything,’ she adds quickly when I open my mouth to argue. ‘But it sounds to me like the two of you have more of a relationship going on than I realized. Maybe more thanyourealized.’
‘We had something,’ I say, my gaze drawn to the wall that separates my room from his. ‘I thought it was special.’
Is he in there now? I have no idea.
The mattress bounces as Alice lies down and rests her head on my legs, looking up at me with wide, innocent eyes.
