‘What do you mean, you’re studying? You’re an hour late for your shift!’
My shift? My shift. At Members. A quick glance at my watch shows it’s one p.m.. I was supposed to be there at twelve.
‘I – I wasn’t feeling well. I’m on my way now.’
Suddenly I’m wide awake, adrenaline spiking as I open the bathroom door and run the cold tap, splashing water on my puffy, blotchy face.
‘No need, Anders said he could cover.’
Staring at my reflection, I try to feel relief but there’s nothing. Nothing at all. I’m completely numb.
‘Mia, I’m not going anywhere until you let me in. Michael said you were at practice this morning and you and Ethan had a blow-up?’
I can’t remember the last time I was a subject worthy of gossip, but here we are. Two and a half hours from embarrassing myself in public to someone beating down my door to get the goods. It feels strange. We were barely a thing. No one even knew it had begun, but I’m still expected to bleed out in public and share all the gory details of how it ended.
‘You’ve got until I count to three to open the door and then I’m kicking the bloody thing in.’
Leaving the bathroom, I prop myself up against the wall and wait.
‘One. Two. Two and a half. Fine. Three.’
I almost react when Alice does, in fact, boot the door, but it doesn’t budge. It’s been here since before her grandmother was born. One kick isn’t going to do much damage.
‘Firstly, OW,’ she grunts through the heavy old wood. ‘Fine. I’ll go and get Jenna and she can kick it in and you can pay to have it repaired.’
The thought of talking to Alice alone is bad enough, but AliceandJenna? I can’t. The door might withstand Alice’s weedy little legs, but Jenna would only have to look at it and the stupid thing would explode into matchsticks. Preparing myself for the worst, I open the door. Alice’s eyes meet mine and before she even says a word, she pulls me into a hug so tight I can barely breathe and doesn’t let go.
‘I’m fine,’ I say to the shoulder of her cardigan.
‘You look fine.’
She hugs me harder and tears start to well up behind my eyes,even though I was so sure I’d cried myself out. What was I crying for anyway, a guy I hooked up with a few times? Mortifying. But the longer Alice holds me in her arms, the closer they come. My resolve not to cry is not nearly as strong as her commitment to this hug and when she sighs into my hair, the dam breaks and I burst into tears.
We cross the room like two people running the world’s slowest three-legged race, Alice taking care not to tread on any papers or books, me stomping over all of it.
‘I was worried something might’ve happened to you.’ She sets me down on the bed then pulls the chair away from my desk to sit directly in front of me, holding my hands in hers. ‘Michael texted me and I panicked. Good job I was in my room with my phone on or you would’ve had him banging your door down.’
My hands are hot and clammy in Alice’s cool grip, but I can’t bring myself to pull them away. Touching her helps. Looking at her doesn’t. Every time I catch sight of her worried face, I burst into tears all over again.
‘Nothing happened.’ I force the words out between wracking sobs. ‘I’m being stupid.’
‘Nothing happened but you missed your shift at Members and you’re crying more than I did when One Direction split up.’ She shakes her head. ‘You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to, but I’m not leaving until you can breathe without choking on air.’
‘I forgot, is all. Won’t happen again. Unless…’ An unwelcome thought cuts through the fug. ‘Am I fired? Because I really need this job.’
‘For one no-show? No, Mia, no-one’s going to fire you.’
‘Because I know I’m not good but I’m trying so hard,’ I say,stress and pressure starting to build in the pit of my stomach. ‘It’s only been a few weeks and I haven’t spent a ton of time in bars in my life, I don’t know all the drinks and you know how it is when it gets loud and everyone is yelling and—’
Alice stops me with a hand over my mouth.
‘Enough. There’s no need to beat yourself up, it’s not an easy job at the beginning and you’re not fired. You’re having fun though?’
‘Fun?’ I echo the unfamiliar word when she moves her hand.
‘Yes, fun,’ she says. ‘It’s an abstract concept and I’m not sure how to explain it but I will say, if you need a definition, I suspect you aren’t having any.’
‘It is fun, I am having fun,’ I tell her, lying as fast as I can so she won’t think I’m an ungrateful bitch. ‘It’s just my paper is due tomorrow, theBleak Housepaper, and it’s taking up so much of my time. I can’t make it make sense and I don’t know why. I’ve read Dickens before but it’s impossibly long and there are so many different characters and plots and if I fail, oh God, if I fail, everyone will be so disappointed in me and I’ll have to go home and then there’s Ethan and—’
