His arms and aroma surround me, blocking out the less than pleasant scent of this alleyway.
As our bodies connect, his rigid length presses against my belly. Heat rushes to my center, desire pooling for him. I want to remind him of our hotel, not even a block away, but my body is a magnet locked on to Declan, savoring every swipe of his tongue on mine, each motion as his hands start to roam from my neck to my lower back. I move my hips to invite him to continue his survey, to grab my ass and lift me up so I can wrap my legs round him.
This is the most passionate kiss I’ve ever experienced – and then his lips are gone again. I tilt my head forwards, searching for them. Only the night air greets me.
I’m in the void.
I open my eyes and Declan is a foot away, two feet away. Out of reach.
“I . . . uh.” Declan stumbles for words. “The contact was coming. I didn’t want to blow our cover.” He isn’t looking me in the eye as he runs his hands through his hair.
“Oh.” So it wasn’t some mind-blowing kiss for him then? He goes around kissing people like that and it’s business as usual? “Right. Of course,” is all I can manage to say, while my lips and hands and arms are suddenly cold, longing for the warmth of his body and mouth again. I find the will to snap into professional mode. “It’s our cover. I should have expected,” I mutter while he still isn’t looking at me. I turn my attention to the ground as well. Perhaps it holds some fascinating details.
“No, I crossed a line. It’ll never happen again.”
I stay still and silent, unable to agree. Sure, we are coworkers, and we didn’t discuss the physical element of our cover on this mission, but inside my heart, on my lips, my neck, I’m disappointed at his vow to never kiss me again.
Never? I wasn’t imagining that he was into that kiss, right?Or is he just that good at being a spy that he can fool me so easily?
I get back to business. “Did you hear what that guy said as he passed by?”
Declan curses under his breath. “No.”
Shitis all I can think. I didn’t catch anything either. I was so off my guard because of the kiss. Did it knock Declan’s world off-kilter too? Is that why he didn’t hear anything?
“It’s my fault. I should have followed your lead,” I admit. The depth of the implications settles on me.
The evidence of Castillo’s arms deal is gone. Which means FIRE will have to directly find the munitionsbeforethey are used. This was a huge misstep.
Declan doesn’t acknowledge my words. “I think I might have recognized him, but I can’t place his face yet.” Declan stares out at the open street, a few paces to the side.
I nod, unsure what to say or do.
“Let’s go,” Declan says with a nod of his head. I follow, silently.
* * *
The whole way back to the hotel, we said nothing. I could only surmise that Declan was fuming over my fumbles, mistakes that cost us information, a chance to expose the arms deal that Castillo made. To prevent violence. This was a huge step back for me. All that work I’d done trying to prove myself to Declan, Ian, and the team. I messed up, big time.
I lay awake most of the night, vacillating between self-loathing at my failure to follow Declan’s instincts and the lives that could be lost because of it. Not to mention the shattered hope of a woman who had the man of her dreams in her arms, on her lips. But now that hope is dead.
Declan didn’t speak to me when we checked out of the hotel. When we rode to the airport. We barely exchanged a few short words on the flight home.
My mistakes on this mission haunt me.
And so does that kiss. It was the sweetest promise of what could be, sandwiched by such crippling rejection.
He doesn’t date.
And if he did, it certainly wouldn’t be me – someone who blew her chance to help. Who ruined this operation.
He’ll never kiss me again.
29
DECLAN
The multiple long-haul flights are getting to me. I can’t get any quality sleep. And I have the aftermath of this botched mission to deal with.
