I gripped his hand tighter, not wanting him to move unless it was to draw himself closer to me.
Because being with Brenton was easy. He was . . . too gentle with me, too kind to me. He was too handsome, too . . . He was the kind of male you held on to, the kind of male you never let go. Yet that was exactly what I’d done.
I ran Etienne’s words through my head, wondering if I was brave enough to do as he asked.
I nestled my face closer to Brenton’s, and when he let out a deep rumble of pleasure, pressure built between my legs. That pressure came so suddenly, was so heavy, that I wanted—no, needed to squeeze my legs together. Atop Hoshiko, I couldn’t, though, and regardless, in my inexperience, I wasn’t certain what it was my body craved.
He brushed his nose down my cheek to my throat, where he inhaled as if he were taking his first breath of life. I whimpered when he grazed his canines along my neck, and when I arched my neck to the side, he stiffened.
“I can’t do this with you, Finley,” he said, his voice rough and gravelly as if the words dragged through his chest unwillingly.
He let go of my hands, quickly inching away. My body pined for his closeness, and my soul ached for the tether between us.
It wasn’t rejection. It was restraint. Fear. Respect.
“Not when you are with someone else,” he said. “I won’t do this to Etienne. I won’t do it to myself.”
The words were a blade, sharp and precise in the way they cut through me. For years, I’d let him believe I was Etienne’s. Even though he clearly wanted me, he still pulled back out of respect for my intended. I hated that he believed that this burning and clawing I felt for him was already claimed by another when I’d never felt any of it for Etienne.
I held myself upright, my back stiff, while I tried and failed to keep my tears from spilling.
Gods, I hated how easily I cried regardless of how hard I fought to hold my tears back.
Shame filled me, coiling itself around the hurt that spiraled inside me. It was as if my chest was caving in on itself, as if my lungs couldn’t suck in enough air.
Because maybe . . . maybe I was meant to be alone. Maybe my heart was never meant to be possessed by another. Maybe my soul had far too many fractures, too deep for anyone to fill.
So many times in my life, I’d witnessed how easily others formed connections and relationships with each other, while I stayed in my little corner of the universe with no one but Etienne. There had to be something inherently wrong with me, with my magic.
“Don’t cry, Lolli,” he murmured, drawing himself nearer, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me back against his chest. His lips pressed against my hair like an apology. “Please, don’t cry.”
With every gentle caress he gave me, I skirted closer between the edges of hope and despair.
Pressure built inside me as the need to tell Brenton how I felt clambered up my throat. My stomach tightened, my eyes now burning with tears for a different reason. I didn’t want to be eternally alone.
I wanted Brenton. Wanted our souls bound the way fate intended. I wanted to love him freely and to feel what it was like to be loved by him.
I simply wanted him. But he didn’t know that. Not yet.
“Brenton,” I whispered.
Words stuck in my throat, too thick to push out or swallow down.
Because how could he love me when I had dimmed his light and broken his soul? A year ago, we’d come so close to starting a new beginning, but it never took root. It was cruel how much thatalmostcut so deeply. It was my fault, though, because for a fleeting moment, I’d thought we’d had a chance.
And with Etienne’s words circling in my head, I’d foolishly let myself hope again. But Brenton was drawing careful, virtuous boundaries in place to protect himself...and also to protect me.How could I not love this male?
Chapter
Seven
BRENTON
A zap pulsedthrough me as Hoshiko flew us through the tear.
When Finley shivered, I pulled her closer to my chest, taking in the way her heart pounded harder and faster. If I could, I would’ve molded us together, not allowing any space to exist between us.
“She isn’t yours,”Hoshiko said. Three words that butchered my heart.
