I smile gratefully at Henry for kindly not mentioning that I called him last night and practically begged for a job.
‘We did our first session this morning,’ Henry goes on. ‘And gosh, guys. She’s the best PT I’veeverhad. If any of my audience in London are looking for a trainer, Bess has a few only a few spots open. If you’re interested drop me a message via my website and we’ll get back to you as soon as possible.’
Wow. He’s made me sound awesome. He’s only had one session with me and he already thinks I’m the best trainer he’s ever had. I must be even better than I thought I was!
‘I’m so glad Bess agreed to join me on camera today. I knew you’d all be delighted that I actually managed to find her, so I thought I’d do a little interview so we can all get to know this heroic woman a little better!’
Uh, what? An interview? I thought I was just going to show my face on camera and sayhi guysand not saydon’t forget to like and subscribe. Now Henry wants to do an interview? Nooo. What if I accidentally reveal my deceit? The pressure of the camera and all these professional lights glaring in my face could be too much for me. I wiggle uncomfortably on the seat and Henry gives me an encouraging smile. I try to signal to him with my eyes that I am not up for this, but he doesn’t seem to get the message. Gah.
Remember who you are Bess. A badass personal trainer who is trying to make the best of a bad situation. You are in control. Do not reveal your deceit!
‘So…’ Henry says, turning towards me and gazing into my eyes with slightly unnerving adoration. ‘You didn’t think twice before springing into action when you found me choking on that taco. You gave me the Heimlich manoeuvre right away and saved me from suffocation. Your quick thinking is the only reason I’m alive today.’
I swallow hard. It’s really hot in here.
‘I want to first ask,’ Henry says, ‘where did you get your first aid experience?’
I nod quickly, feeling grateful that I did in fact learn first aid as part of my PT training. I mean, I’ve never done the Heimlich manoeuvre in real life, but technically I could do it. I think…
‘Oh, um, it was a part of my job training,’ I say. ‘I – I had to pass three levels of first aid training before they would let me in to Personal Trainer Club.’
Henry chuckles at my silly joke. I lift my chin. There. That wasn’t a lie. I absolutelydiddo three levels of first aid training.
‘What did you think when you saw me on the street, choking? Were you scared? I can tell you, I bloody well was. My entire life passed before my eyes!’
‘Wow, does that actually happen?’ I ask, eyes wide. ‘How can your entire life pass before your eyes in such a short space of time? That’s bonkers.’
Henry wrinkles his nose slightly. ‘You can take it from me that it was very real and terrifying. So… what went through your head when you happened upon me?’
I clear my throat. ‘Um, yes, well I just thought to myselfdon’t let this man die. Donotlet him die. He, uh, deserves to live, dammit. Get that taco out of his throat right away, Bess.’
I give a stupid little fist punch into the air. Glancing up at the camera I see Auguste twisting his lips to the side. He looks like he’s about to start laughing. Gah. I am making a fool of myself. The pressure is making me crumble!
‘Wow,’ Henry blows the air out from his cheeks. ‘So I have to ask: Where were you rushing off to so quickly? You really seemed in such a hurry to get away to wherever you were going, I barely even saw your face! It’s so lucky that I recognised you!’
‘Well’, I say, trying to very quickly think about why I would feasibly be rushing off to, when I just saved a man’s life which surely would have been one of the coolest things I had ever done. ‘I, uh, had an emergency.’
‘Anotheremergency in addition to saving my life?’ Henry’s jaw drops.
‘Yeah.’ I bite my lip and nod three times. I have no idea where I’m going with this.
‘What kind of emergency?’
‘A… a…’ What kind of emergency. I don’t know! Emergencies usually involve other people and can be verified. What shall I say? I don’t know what to say! I bet the real woman who saved Henry had an amazing reason to rush away into the night. I can’t think of anything.
‘Bess?’ Henry nods encouragingly.
Gah. What would be a good reason to run away from the person whose life you just saved?
‘I really needed a poo,’ I blurt out before I can stop myself.
Oh my god. I just said that. I actually just said that. I notice that behind the camera Auguste’s usually stern face is creased in stifled laughter. I hope they edit that little tidbit out. I cannot appear on this gorgeous man’s popular YouTube channel to tell the world that I was so desperate for a poo that I just ran away after saving his life.
My eyes flick to Henry. He looks more than a little horrified. He clears his throat. ‘Ah. Right, of course. The call of nature.’
‘Yes,’ I say, my face fully on fire. ‘The call of nature.’
Bess McKinley, you absolute twerp.
