‘Mnnghg.’ I turn over to where Mr Belding is curled up beside me, purring like he doesn’t even care that it’s crap o’clock in the morning. ‘You go downstairs, make an excuse for me will you, Mr Belding?’ I ask him. ‘Take one for the team, eh?’
In response he puts his cold nose against my nose and swipes his paw at my face.
Gad, why can’t anyone just let me have a tiny little lie-in? Why? WHY?
With a sigh, I reluctantly climb out of the bed, change into tracksuit bottoms and a blue cotton vest and trudge downstairs. I blearily make my way into the kitchen and, plonking down at the huge oak table, pour myself a black coffee from the pot.
‘How did it go?
‘Was Mr Frost charmed and bewitched by you?’
‘Did he take your number?’
‘Where are my gloves?’
I am bombarded by questions. I take a huge gulp of coffee and rub my eyes. Then I do a really long stretch and a massive yawn just to wind them up.
‘What happened, Jess?’
‘Tell us, for heaven’s sake!’
I raise an eyebrow. ‘Oh, you know,’ I say nonchalantly, putting the coffee cup back on the table. ‘Gave him my digits, didn’t I?’
Peach laughs out loud in astonishment. Grandma tries to look unsurprised and cool but completely fails. Her eyes sparkle with excitement and two spots of pink brighten her high-boned pale cheeks. ‘Which of my Good Woman tips was it, Jessica?’ she asks. ‘Which one worked?’
I bite my lip. I can’t bloody tell her that I totally failed at dropping the glove. She’ll probably start crying again. Instead I say:
‘The glove! I dropped it and sauntered past Leo just like the book said to and he came right over. It was, um, it was like magic.’
She claps her hands together. ‘And you managed not to curse?’
‘I didn’t even say shit. I was the very image of a demure woman.’
I tell them about the whole night, how I called myself Lucille Darling, about Leo asking to take me for a drink and how I said I had a ‘prior engagement’. I conveniently leave out that I pretty much made a mess of it and the fact that he took my number was probably a fluke and nothing to do with Grandma’s tips, possibly more to do with my unavoidable boobs and most amazing dodgems driving.
‘I hope he rings soon,’ Peach mumbles, spooning Tesco Value cornflakes into her mouth.
‘Oh, he will,’ Grandma tell us confidently. ‘Though we will probably have to wait a few days.’ She chuckles in a knowing way. ‘Men donotlike to diminish their power by telephoning a lady immediately, lest they appear over-eager.’
As it turns out, Matilda Beam is completely wrong on that one. Because just twenty minutes later my phone rings. And it’s Leo Frost.
* * *
Grandma and Peach hurry over to join me on the sofa as I press answer on my iPhone.
‘Hello?’
‘Good morning, Lucille. This is Leo Frost speaking.’
Leo Frost. Artist. Thinker. Man. On the phone.
‘Hi there, Leo,’ I say in the low, soothing voice. ‘Howterrificto hear from you. I do hope you enjoyed the funfair last … ’
I abruptly stop talking as I notice Grandma and Peach staring at me in horror. They gesticulate wildly, waving their hands up and down like mad people. What’s wrong? What are they trying to say?
‘Excuse me, Leo, please hold the line for just a moment.’
I press the secrecy button. ‘What are you doing?’
