I cover my face because I can’t believe what I’m about to say. I can’t believe it actuallyhappened.
‘Oh, nothing much,’ I say breezily. ‘Except… I was just accused of having a public wank in Gramercy Park. Plus, I stoleakey.’
And although I’m not really up for reliving my humiliation, the fact that Birdie is laughing before I’ve even started relaying the story means that I tell her every lastdetail.
OceanofPDF.com
ChapterFourteen
@ElissaJohnsonto@NYPD
I apprehended a pervert in Gramercy Park today. Upon phoning police, I was told that someone would be with me in two minutes.1/2
@ElissaJohnsonto@NYPD
20 mins later a cop FINALLY arrived. The pervert had fled, stealing a valuable key from around my neck. Appalled and disappointed in NYPD!!!2/2
@ElissaJohnson
Everyone! Beware of a deranged British woman wearing her hair in an aggressive phallic arrangement. She is a pervert andthief
@ElissaJohnson
Thanks for your well wishes @Designermommy23 and @organic_hemingway_brooklyn. I am recovering at @GuerlainSpa. Just hope the police find her! Am filing complaint as wespeak.
By the timeI get back to the handsome leafy streets of the Upper West Side, I can barely keep my eyes open. I grabbed a few groceries on the way back, so at least I’ll be able to make a coffee to keep myselfawake!
Up in the apartment it takes me an hour to remove all the kirby grips in my hair and even when they’re all out, every strand remains in perfect place. Anders must have used some extra-super-strength hairspray; my hair is all crunchy. I step into the narrow shower and wash my hair vigorously until the horn structure starts to disintegrate and the gross blue hair drops out, pooling disgustingly in the plughole. Slipping into my white cotton dressing gown, I dry my hair, lay the sheets out on the sofa bed and switch ontheTV.
Oh, The Big Bang Theoryis on! I think of Alex and Donna at home. I wonder how they’re finding it without me in the house. This is only the second time in my life that I’ve not slept in my own room. Donna’s probably loving it. I wonder if Alex is too. He’s not been in touch since I left so I’m guessing the answerisyes.
I thought I would hate staying in an apartment here alone. But it’s actually quite nice. I can just sit here with no worries of Donna knocking on my door, or Alex bursting in to tell me that Donna is getting on his case because I’ve left the toothpaste lid off again. I look around me. No one is going to interrupt me in here. I can do anythingIlike.
I glance over to the blinds to make sure they’re definitely shut and then I take off my robe so that I amnaked.
There.
I am completely inthebuff.
And no one can do anythingaboutit!
It’snotbad.
It’s actually quitecomfortable.
And then something even more exciting occurs to me. I don’thaveto watchThe Big Bang Theory. I’m here alone. I have the power. I can do whatever I damn well please in this tiny studioapartment.
I’ve never really experienced thatbefore!
So I pick up the remote control, point it at the TV and, with a flourish, turnThe Big Bang Theoryover to a completely differentchannel.
And, honestly, it’s the best I’ve feltallday.
I snuggle myself down into the sofa bed with a massive yawn. And before I’ve even found something I want to watch, my eyes driftclose.
* * *
Idon’t knowhow long I doze off for. It must be ages because it’s dark when I wake up. The TV is still on, colourful lights casting a blue glow aroundtheroom.
