Shit! No. No. I am not here for this. This is about Birdie and findingChuck.
My mouth opens and shuts gormlessly. I’m not sure whattosay.
I panic. ‘Um… fleperty.’ Gaaaah. I just said the made-up word I was worried about saying! OhOlive.
‘Excuse me, did you say fleperty?’Craigasks.
‘Fleperty,’ Diane repeats slowly. ‘What is fleperty? Is it a Britishthing?’
‘Do you steal things often, Olive?’Craigasks.
‘Er…Um…’
‘And do you only take keys? Or are you open to thieving a variety of items?’Dianeadds.
‘Do you steal so that you can feel something, Olive? Trulyfeelsomething. Something more than just the endless tedium of day to day life, staring into a lens, talking to people you will never ever meet and who care not one iotaaboutyou.’
Diane gives Craig an odd look. As do I. He turns red, clearly horrified at his little burst ofemotion.
‘Back to “fleperty”,’ Diane says, trying to retain an air of professionalism. ‘Is that UK slang for, um… public masturbatory practices? Tell us more,Olive.’
Public masturbatory practices? Okay, this is getting out of hand now. Heart pounding, I stand up off the sofa and march over to the camera. ‘Chuck Allen. I will be waiting for your call!’ I say intensely before jogging off the set, much to the horror of Diane, Craig and Terri, who Ijogpast.
Anders and Mrs Ramirez stand on the sidelines just staring at me in absolutedisbelief.
‘Holy fucking turd alert!’ I hiss, grabbing my coat and bumbag off Mrs Ramirez. ‘Let’s get outofhere.’
I feel a huge yank onmyback.
‘Ouch!’ I turn around to see Terri, her face flaming, holding wires in herhands.
‘Your microphone was still on,’ she spits, her eyes bulging angrily. ‘You just saidHoly Fucking Turd Alertto our entireaudience!’
Oh no! This is not good. This is really not good. I reallyamThe Menace ofManhattan.
I gawk at Anders and Mrs Ramirez in panic. Anders grabs my hand and then Mrs Ramirez’s hands and in the highest volume his thin voice can manage, he yells, ‘Ruuuuuuun!’
* * *
We only runabout ten metres because Mrs Ramirez’s knee means we can’t take the stairs and we have to wait for the lift. So the three of us stand there feeling all kinds of awkward as various crew members walk past and throw us dirtylooks.
Once we’re outside the studio, Mrs Ramirez gets emotional. ‘When you walked up to the camera and spoke directly to Chuck? Oh, I felt it in my heart,Olive.’
‘Thanks, Mrs Ramirez. I just hope itworks.’
I stare at the pair of them and suddenly I start to laugh with relief and adrenaline. They join in. ‘That was bonkers,’ I breathe. ‘I can’t believe they knew about that whole Manhattan Menace thing. There’s been nothing in the papers about me for two whole days now! I thought people were losinginterestin—’
‘Olive?’
I turn around at the deep, warm voicebehindme.
It’sSeth.
Huh?
‘Seth?Whatare—’
‘This is Seth?’ Mrs Ramirez holds out her hand to him. ‘You are right, Olive. His eyes are turquoise. I didn’t think it possible, butitis!’
