Way to rub it in, Olive.I mentally slap myself around the face and try calling Birdie’s phone but it rings out. Looking at my watch, I realise that it’s about midnight in England and she’s probably tucked up in bed. I’ll let her get a good night’s rest and call her in the morning to apologise for being a self-absorbedgoon.
As Anders and Mrs Ramirez chatter away about all the far-flung places they’ve visited in the world, I scroll through my recent texts and see Seth’s namethere.
He was so weird this morning. He seemed super into me last night. We got on so well. And gotiton so well! But this morning he looked really uncomfortable as we said goodbye. Like he just wanted me out ofthere.
Before I can stop myself, I text him. All I put is, HI!!! I immediately regret it. The capital letters and the exclamation marks make it look like I’m being passive-aggressive. HI!!! is a text Donna would send. Hell, HI!!! is a text Donnahassent to me in the past when I haven’t replied speedilyenough!
Well, there’s nothing I can do aboutitnow.
I take a sip of my drink and ten minutes later, when there is zero response from Seth, something horrifying occurs to me. What if I was theonlyone who had a good time last night? Oh shit. What… what if Seth didn’t enjoy our sexy times as much as I did. He seemed to, but… he’s amazing at improv. What if he was…improvisinghis enjoyment? What if he thought I was lacklustre or freaky or selfish in bed? I’ve not had any real experience, so I can’t exactlycompare.
Shit, what if, when I was rocking away on top of him having such a lovely time, I leaned back too much in my rapture andhurt his penis? Maybe bruised it a little? And he felt too embarrassed to tell me? Or hedidtry to tell me but I was so caught up in getting off that I didn’t hear him! The terrible possibilities areendless!
Oh god. Maybe Seth was trying to let me down gently this morning. Maybe thoseSunday Night Livetickets were a pity gift. A ‘thanks but no thanks’ payoff. I’m not even sure how I would find out the answer to these questions. I can’t exactly text him again.HI!!! Hope all well. Did I bruise your dick last night? Sorry if so! Bestwishes!
Argh.
My brain starts to go off into one of its overthinking spirals and with great effort I use Phyllis’s belly breathing technique to bring me back to the present moment where I am cosy and warm and mellow in Anders’house.
At the sound of my phone ringing, my heart lifts. I hope it’s Birdie. It’s rubbish going a whole day without speaking to her! I pick up my phone from where it’s resting on the arm of mychair.
Oh! It’s a New Yorknumber.
Maybe it’s Seth? Calling to tell me that he is at the hospital with a peenbruise.
I hope not. I really reallyhopenot.
With a deep breath, I answer thephone.
‘Hi, is this Olive Brewster?’ asks a forthright femalevoice.
‘Yes?’
‘Hello! This is Terri Wyatt from Perry Media. I got your details from Sharon atSundayNightLive?’
‘Oh!’ I say excitedly, immediately putting the mobile on speakerphone so that Anders and Mrs Ramirez can listen in. ‘Yes!Hello!’
‘Hi! So, I was planning on emailing you to let you know that we weren’t gonna be able to fit you in within the next week, but as it happens we’ve just had a guest cancel and we need afillin.’
‘Yes, YES!’ I yell, standing up from the chair while Anders starts excitedly pacing the large room and Mrs Ramirez does a shoulder jig. ‘We haven’t had much of a response from anyone else, so this is greatnews!When—’
I trail off as Mrs Ramirez and Anders immediately start frowning and shaking theirheads‘no’.
‘One moment, please,’ I say, interrupting myself and pressing the ‘mute’ button. ‘Whatisit?’
‘Never let them know that no one else is interested!’ Mrs Ramirez admonishes, wagging her fingeratme.
‘You need to act like they are getting ascoop,’ Anders adds, sipping from his glass of cognac. ‘That’s all the media wants.Scoops.’
‘Scoops?’
‘Scoops,’Andersnods.
‘Scooooops,’ Mrs Ramirez grumbles. ‘Speak to her now! Don’t keep her waiting. The media do not liketowait.’
I unmute the phone, rolling my eyes at the two sudden founts of all media-relatedknowledgehere.
‘Ahem. Terri. Sorry about that,’ I say. ‘I, um. I meant to say we haven’t had much of a response… from people we’d be happy tospeakto…’
