Edge instantly stilled, his hand still on my head, our breaths mingling as we tried to pull ourselves back from the brink.
“I’m gonna go,” she said softly.
Edge didn’t release me, but he did lift his head, his eyes meeting mine.“No,” he said, speaking to her.“I’ll go.”
I kept my mouth shut, not sure what to say to either of them.
“You don’t have to,” she said, her voice louder as she inched closer to the exit.
“Jamie,” I warned.“Don’t.”
Edge stepped back, giving me space to stand.I stared over at her.She was gearing up to flee, and I was torn.Tempted to let her, desperate to stop her.
I glanced at Edge, noticed his jaw bunching as he stood there, staring at her.He was pissed, probably furious at her for leaving him.I didn’t know exactly what had transpired between them after I left, but I could feel the tension.It intensified the longer we stood there, no one saying a word.
When she reached for the door this time, I touched Edge’s arm.He was about to say something, but he held it back.If Jamie needed to leave, then we would let her.
“Jamie?”Edge called out when she opened the door.
Her brown eyes were dark, tormented as she glanced back at the two of us.
“This isn’t over,” he noted.
She gave a curt nod but didn’t stick around to hear any more.
And when the door clicked shut behind her, I had to wonder if Edge was wrong about that.
CHAPTER 18
Tuesday, November 13, 2018
EDGE
After leaving Cav’s on Monday, I wentback to my apartment.Knowing Cav and Jamie needed time, I decided to give it to them.So, I showered, ran through my emails, had coffee, ate lunch.I did everything I could think of to keep myself busy until it became impossible to sit still.
Coward.
Yes, I was.Not for the first time in my life, I was running from a problem rather than working to fix it.Ever since that fateful day so long ago, I’d never allowed a situation to escalate without soothing away the nerves, the tempers.It had cost me then, and I couldn’t risk it costing me now.However, I knew time would be essential in this case, and if this was going to work the way I wanted, I had to come up with a plan.Not on the fly, not merely to soothe but to resolve.
My brain was working overtime, my need to fix everything overwhelming me.That was in my nature, something my past had bred into me.I was a fixer, hence the reason I felt everything needed to be black and white, never straddling the gray line.If rules were followed, plans were made, there was less room for mishap.
Yeah?How’d that work for your father?His world dissolved despite his desperate attempt to keep order.
I ignored the voice, refusing to think about my parents, the problems they’d had.Problems they’d hidden from me for most of my life.He had loved my mother, and, in the end, she’d used that love against him.
I did not want to end up there, sitting in a stark white room while the world went on outside the walls, my brain the only interaction I had.The way she had.
Rather than dwell on the issues—past and present—knowing obsessing over it wasn’t going to fix anything, I had headed to the club, where I spent the majority of the next couple of days, thinking, planning, organizing.I wasn’t sure what spurred me to do it—merely restless energy or something else entirely—but it helped to clear my mind.
By the time Tuesday evening rolled around, I felt as though I’d boxed myself in, wanting something spontaneous while giving in to routine.
Whose fault is that?Oh, right.Yours.
Closing my eyes, I pressed my fingers against the pressure.I had a class to instruct, which meant I didn’t have time for my own problems.But I did have something to look forward to.Seeing Cav and Jamie would go a long way toward easing some of the strain.Since I hadn’t heard from either of them, I was beginning to think that wasn’t going to happen.The closer the hands on the clock inched toward eight, the more I thought for sure that was going to be the case.
Imagine my surprise when I walked into the training room at three minutes till to find Cav and Jamie at the front of the room while others began filing in.My gaze swung to them repeatedly while the others settled.When Talon finally graced us with his presence at exactly eight, I shook off my personal issues and addressed the class.
I had intended to cover the topic of communication between a Dom and their submissive, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it.Not when I was a failure in that department.So I decided to improvise.
