“Are you sure about this?” Grayson asked as he closed the car door behind me.
I nodded.
He took my face in his hands. “Fuck, Ava! I know what I said but I’ll give you one more chance to change your mind. I’ll be unselfish for the first time in my fucking life. I’ll let you go. I’ll try. I’ll let you go, Princess.”
My stomach tingled at his words and the emotions behind them. “You can stop. I’m not changing my mind.”
He sighed out a ragged breath, like he’d been in pain, and roughly pressed his forehead to mine. I expected his kiss to be rough too as he lowered his mouth to mine, but it was tender and all consuming. He took his time, softly exploring my lips and mouth like he owned them, like they were created for his pleasure. I was now certain that if I ever see the park again, my first kiss at sixteen wouldn’t be the one I thought about.
We kept to the shadows as we neared my childhood home. “So this is where you grew up?” Grayson whispered as he looked up at the house. His expression was sad. I knew he was thinking of his own childhood. I also knew that I was the only one who got to see this side of him. Not even Hunter or Gemma did. This sadness he kept to himself. Gemma, I had figured out, knew about his mother and sister, but not the specifics, likehe’d told me in the tent. And not how it still dragged him down to the deepest pits of hell some days.
“Yes,” I answered, standing next to him, holding his hand as we just stared at it. Him for completely different reasons than me. I wondered how my parents were doing. Would they be okay? Would they be able to accept their only daughter leaving them? Not forever, or so I told myself.
“And you’re giving this up?”
My heart broke. Not for me. But him. It was unfathomable to him.
I quickly placed the folded letter in the mailbox and snaked my hands over his perfect body and around his neck. He pulled me in and lifted me slightly. “I want nothing but you,” I whispered. The emotion in his eyes made my breath hitch. There had been a long line of men and women who had been smitten with me. But none had ever looked at me quite like him. Like I was to be worshipped. Like he would go to battle for me. Like I was the only thing that mattered. Like I was the light at the end of his tunnel.
“Then you have another letter to deliver before dawn.”
We stopped a block away from my house. Mine and Rachel’s little white cottage that we had painstakingly restored. I wondered who was going to take care of all the wildflowers and vines that adorned our cottage when I was gone. Rachel could never keep any plant alive. I knew Macey, my shop assistant, would continue with the herb garden out back. I had asked my parents that they give Macey my shop until I returned. She would do good. I had taught her everything I knew.
It hadn’t sunken in quite yet. In this moment, I could pretend that I was only going on a long vacation. I knew it would hit me later. Hard.
I quietly walked onto the porch, took a deep breath and slipped the letter through the mail slot on the front door. We had it installed after we caught the nosy neighbour looking through our mail one day. The same one who liked to ask her church to pray for my soul, because, according to her, I was practicing witchcraft with my remedies. She was probably whispering around town, to anyone who’d listen, that I was taken because I didn’t believe in her god. “She had it coming. If only Ava listened and repented for her sins, she could have been saved from the devil.”
A smirk crawled onto my lips. I didn’t want to be saved. I liked my devil.
I reached Grayson who had been standing in the shadow of Mr. Moore’s house, a few houses from mine, across the street. He grabbed my wrist and quickly pulled me into the shadows with him. I spun to where he was looking. The foyer light of my house had gone on. The door swung open, and Rachel came running out onto the street, searching for me. Seeing her was like a punch to my gut. I grabbed Grayson’s arm to steady myself. “Oh no.Rachel.” She was too thin, her shoulders hunched over. A far cry from the confident stance she always carried herself by. She had my blue pyjama set on, the one she’d bought me for Christmas but wore more than I had a chance to. When she only saw the deserted streets, she held the letter up to the streetlight to read while one hand was clutched around her mouth. She started wiping at tears I couldn’t see from here, but had me crushed, nonetheless. I kept my hand clenched around Grayson’s arm to stop myself from running to her. Why was I doing this again?
When she finished the letter, she crushed it to her chest and just stood and stared. For a while I thought I had broken her as I watched her stareinto the darkness at nothing. But then she shouted into the air, “Ava, you little witch!” and threw her head backwards, laughing.
I could see the relief ripple through her body as she laughed. Grayson shook me slightly where he was pressed against me, as he silently laughed with her.
Rachel squealed, bounced up and down, then darted back into the house. I knew she was going to call my parents.
“I like her,” Grayson declared.
“We have to go,” I urged him, but didn’t really mean it. For his sake, we needed to get out of town. Rachel found the letter sooner than I planned. She or my parents might start looking, and Grayson’s brand new, black SUV wasn’t very inconspicuous around here.
I couldn’t help but look back as we left.
It took me a while to process my loss. Grayson patiently held me as I stared into nothing. He watched me, waiting for me to regret it. But as the helicopter landed in the forest, now covered in a thin layer of snow that would be melted away by noon, I had a peculiar feeling that I was exactly where I was supposed to be. I felt at peace. And I felt an overwhelming sense of excitement. Life was about to get a whole lot more interesting. I could feel it in my bones.
Gemma’s eyes went wide and a surprised squawk left her as I opened the cabin door. She didn’t leave my side the whole day. On my way to take ashower, late afternoon, Grayson came up behind me. He surprised me by snatching me off my feet and carrying me into the room. I shrieked and laughed with delight.
“Finally, I get you alone.”
My heart fluttered at the thought and the playful grin on his face. Since that midnight, against the side of his car, he hadn’t touched me like that. He probably wanted to give me time, but my want for him had been building, and I was about to explode. He had taken me so thoroughly, so intensely, I had to have more. I pressed my lips to his and wrapped my arms around his neck.
“You’re sleeping in the bed with me from now on.” It unintentionally came out as an order, and I cringed inwardly at my brazenness. I just didn’t see why he should continue sleeping on the couch.
He chuckled against my neck. “You finally got to fuck me, and now you expect me to perform in your bed every night?” He had that taunting smirk on his face that I’ve come to enjoy so much.
“If you’re not up for it, I’m sure Jason and Max would fill in for you.”
He laughed from his stomach, the most beautiful sound I’ve ever heard and dropped me on the bed. “Darling, they’ll only disappoint, now that you’ve had me.” He lowered himself on me, settling between my legs. The weight of him, pressing me firmly into the mattress, had the insides of my thighs clenching.
