ROSIE
The sound of the waves crashing onto the beach in the distance is muted by the terror battling inside of me. The secret I kept buried and clung so tightly to is about to be revealed to the very person I worked tirelessly to keep it from. Part of me is desperate to put a stop to this before my whole world explodes. But another part is craving the freedom of having it out.
The truth is, Charlie has been asking about her father for years. When she’d see other men with their children at the park, or see her friends being picked up from school by their fathers. The day she asked if West was her dad, I figured she was old enough to learn the truth about hers.
Though I still didn’t tell her everything. And not because I didn’t think she could handle it. It was because I couldn’t.
At such a young age, children’s minds are precious. I wanted to protect her from having to grow up too quickly. But I suppose, with my chronic illness, she’s had to learn more than most her age.
“So, you know yesterday…when we met at the park? Well, that was the first time I’d ever met you,” he begins, his knee shaking so violently the entire swing is responding as if it’s in an earthquake simulation. I want so badly to still it, but I keep my distance, the wood railing digging against my back.
She frowns at Beck but she’s curious, and by the way her brows pinch, it’s obvious she’s trying to listen intently.
My heart hammers in my chest while I watch and pray this doesn’t turn into a complete trainwreck.
“And that was the first time you’d ever met me,” he continues, running his palms across the top of his thigh, and it finally settles to rest. “You knew that I existed before today, but I didn’t know about you. I want you to know, that if I had, I would’ve loved to have met you sooner.”
Charlie glances at me and I force a smile to ease any of her apprehensions. Seeing the two of them, side by side, and knowing their anxiety conditions, has my own nerves spiking. I’m not sure how I will be able to calm them if this explodes.
“Your mom just told me…that I’m your…dad,” he finally gets out, and the relief on his face is evident. I feel it in my own chest, the tension dissolving. I exhale a long, low breath. “I didn’t know about you. I didn’t know I had a kid. I didn’t know I was a dad.” He’s sputtering, and by the sounds of it, about to spiral.
I lean in and say, “Remember when you asked about your daddy, Charlie?”
She looks at me and nods her head.
“And I told you that you’d never met him but that you would when the time was right.”
“And now the timing is right?” Beck interrupts with a scoff, flashing me a loathing glare.
“You’re my daddy?” Charlie ignores us both and stares at Beck, a skeptical look on her face.
There’s a delay in Beck’s response and for a moment, I worry he’s going to deny it. I worry I might have to punch him in the gut and comfort my dejected daughter. But he quickly reminds me of one of the reasons I loved him.
He smiles and nods while propping an elbow onto the back of the wing, then leans closer to Charlie. “Do you see this dimple on my chin? Or is it too hard to see with my beard?”
She gives a slow shake of her head.
“Sorry, I guess I should’ve shaved. But in my defense, I didn’t know I’d be meeting you.”
She gives him a little smile.
“Do you know something your mom used to do?” He glances at me and for the first time since being back in Golden Harbor and seeing him, there’s a tenderness reflected in his chestnut eyes. Warmth spreads down my limbs. “She used to put her finger on my chin and push it into my dimple.”
Charlie giggles and pumps her legs while they dangle off the edge of the swing. “Mama does that to my chin too.”
“Really? Well, then see, we’ve got the same chin.”
“What else?” Charlie asks, biting her lower lip.
“Our eyes. You’ve definitely got my eyes.”
My throat constricts as I resist the tears that want to break free. I blink hard to hold back tears. No matter how many times I imagined how this conversation would go, they both surprise me by changing the scenarios I rehearsed.
“Mama says my eyes are beautiful. Did she ever tell you that?” Charlie asks.
When Beck turns his head to look at me, his gaze is soft as he takes me in. I can’t resist any longer. The tears well and roll down my cheeks. His eyes lock with mine and my stomach flip-flops when he smiles genuinely at me. It’s a smile that used to make my knees wobble, and now, after all these years, I hate to admit it still has the same effect.
“Yeah, Charlie, she did.” He finally returns his focus back on her.
