But those grey, steel-cloaked eyes continued to study me, as if waiting for a break in my armor. I never wavered, never let my gaze drop. Benny let out a long sigh. “Never wanted to say it before, but your dad’s always been an asshole.”
What? I let out a loud laugh. “Damn, Weber. If I knew you hated the guy too, we would’ve had this talk a long time ago.”
His eyes hardened. “You dad might be a major contributor to this league, but let’s get one thing straight: this is my house. And no matter how many rings he earned, if you don’t want him here, he’s not welcome. End of story.”
Gratitude clogged my throat, and I ducked my head, trying to keep up my veneer of indifference. “I’d appreciate that. He’s got a lot of opinions about my performance, and with everything else going on—” I swallowed, needing to get the next words off my chest. “I, uh, I found out a couple months ago that I have a daughter. Anna.”
I pulled out my phone and showed Benny the lock screen, an image of Kinsley and Anna snuggled on the couch together. “Damn, kid. She looks just like you.” Pride filled my chest. Damn right, she did. That was my little girl, through and through. “What about her mother? You two together?”
“We are, but things are a little tense right now,” I said. Benny stared at me so long, it was as if he could sense the doubts written on my skin. “I love her, Weber, but she’s not there yet. I can’t—” I swallowed, staring down at my shoes. “I can’t imagine my life without her, but I’m worried she’ll never let me in.”
Benny leaned back in his chair, his eyes crinkling with a smirk. “You can’t rush these things, Jace. Some people need more time.”
“I know, but how do I prove she’s safe with me? That she can let go of those fears and trust I’ll be there for her?”
“Keep showing up.” He shrugged as if it were the simplest thing in the world. “Every day, be there to ease her burdens. Make sure she has everything she needs—whether she asks for it or not. But before you do this, I need to ask: are you prepared to wait for her? Give her the time she needs?”
“Yeah,” I said, swallowing the lump in my throat. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“Then keep showing up, Jace. That’s all you can do.”
THIRTY-SEVEN
“So we’re really doing this today?”
Chelsea stood at my side, boxes at her feet, as the door of my mother’s room taunted me. We’d been in a stalemate for almost an hour, and, honestly, I was no closer to going inside. Anna played on the floor behind us, blissfully unaware of my internal struggle. I groaned, running my hand over my face. “This is stupid. It’s just a room. It’s not like Ican’tgo in there.”
Even as I said the words, the weight of the room bore down on me. Sure, I’d gone in a few times over the years, searching for necessary paperwork and to make sure nothing was growing inside the hallowed walls, but I’d always scurried back out, sure not to bother any of my mother’s belongings. The room had become a time capsule, as if my mother would come back and reclaim it for herself.
Chelsea reached out and squeezed my hand. “We can try again tomorrow. There’s no rush.”
“Yes, there is,” I breathed out. “It’s time, Chels. Her stuff has been sitting in there for years. I can’t keep living like this, afraid of a room in my home. It’s just…if I clear it out…”
“Then it means she’s really gone,” she finished for me. She plopped on the back edge of the couch, joining me in my staringcontest. We sat in silence for a couple of minutes before she spoke. “Why now?”
Because I needed to move on with my life. God, that sounded so selfish. But the truth was, I’d ignored my grief up as much as I had this room. I left behind a locked door, never to be faced again. While Anna was a baby, it was easier to leave it like this, to focus on my daughter instead, but now that she was getting older, I had woken up after years of being on autopilot, and I couldn’t keep ignoring the past.
“Jace and I had a fight.”
Chelsea arched her brow. “And this has to do with your mom’s room because…”
I pinched the bridge of my nose. “Because the fight wasn’t about us. He tried to help me, offered to support me so I could go back to school, and I-I took it badly.”
“Okay…explain that to me, because I’m not seeing it. That sounds like a good thing, Kins.”
“It is,” I sighed. “But the moment he brought it up, I shut down. And he…he told me he loves me. I couldn’t say it back. Not because I don’t love him. I do, Chels. I really do.” Clearing my throat, I stared down the door. “I don’t want to keep wasting time when I could be happy with him. I-I need to stop letting the past dictate my future.”
Chelsea held my hand a little tighter. “I’m proud of you, Kins. For facing this. But I have to ask…” Her gaze followed mine. “Do you want to stay here?”
It should have been an easy yes. Of course, I wanted to stay at my mom’s place. But as I willed my mouth to move, it refused. In the past two years, I’d never stopped to think about it. When my mom passed, the plan had always been to sell the condo. After I found out I was pregnant, I moved in to feel closer to her, and because I had nowhere else to go. But it was never meant to be our forever home.
“I-I don’t know.” The admission made my chest ache, as if even uttering the words was a betrayal of my mother’s memory. “As much as I love it here, it’s always going to be mom’s place. Changing anything, moving anything, it feels wrong. I don’t know if I want to live like that for the rest of my life.”
“She wouldn’t have wanted that either.”
The quiet admission was the push I needed, and I leaned in and twisted the knob. The stale air wafted toward us, a silent warning we were about to cross a line we couldn’t take back. But it was time—it had to be. I had to stop living my life surrounded by ghosts if I ever wanted to have a future with Jace.
The floral bedspread was the same as it had always been; the yellow tones had faded from the lingering sun. The subtle scent of her jasmine perfume still clung to the space, making it seem as if she had sprayed it only minutes earlier. Memories overwhelmed me—of nights curled up in my mother’s bed, her stroking my hair as I told her about my life in New York, early morning coffees as she got ready for the day.
