“Um, hello?” he said slowly, like the answer was obvious. “Just be honest. Tell him how you feel. Is it reallythathard?”
Yes. No. Maybe.
Telling Zach I still loved him too meant risking everything. It meant admitting that despite all my fear, baggage, and terrible instincts, I still wanted him with a truly frightening intensity, butit also meant giving him the power to break my heart all over again.
On the other hand, he’s had that power for years and he’s never done it.I stood abruptly and Theo rubbed his palms together. “Oooh, this is exciting. What’s happening right now?”
“Where is he?”
“What?”
“Zach.” My pulse was suddenly sprinting. “Is he at the office?”
His grin widened. “Nope.”
“Then where is he?”
“He took the afternoon off.” Theo looked far too happy about how worked up I was getting. “He has a race this afternoon, some stupid qualifier thing for a bigger race he wants to do later this summer.”
I frowned, but I was already moving to the door. “A race. Okay. Where?”
He rocked back on his heels, clearly savoring this moment. “You know, for two supposedly intelligent people, you and Zach really do make everything unnecessarily difficult.”
“Just tell me where the race is. Please.”
“I probably shouldn’t tell you for at least ten more minutes. God knows, it’s been frustrating the ever-loving fuck out of me, watching the two of you dance around each other, but that was mostly because of Zach. So I guess I’ll take it out on him, not you.”
He finally relented, giving me the location. I grabbed my bag and took off with only one thought on my mind. I needed to find Zach, and then I finally needed to tell him how I’d really felt about him every minute from the second I’d figured out what love even was.
CHAPTER 43
ZACH
This was supposed to be a fun qualifying run, a nice little easy event to earn a spot in the bigger race coming up, but it was going better than I’d expected. The route cut through streets lined with spectators ringing cowbells and shouting encouragement while the runners around me steadily thinned out.
My legs burned, my lungs hurt, and sweat soaked through the back of my shirt, but none of that compared to the weight of Adeline’s ring sitting in the pocket of my running shorts. Eight years ago, I’d bought it thinking I’d propose before summer ended.
I’d hidden it for weeks, trying to plan the perfect moment, which turned out to be ironic considering our relationship had imploded before I’d ever even taken it out of the box. I should’ve thrown it into Lake Michigan years ago. I’d wanted to, but instead, I’d kept it.
Like a fucking psychopath.
If it had only been that, perhaps I wouldn’t have been questioning my own sanity right about now, but it wasn’t. Running had become a form of both therapy and self-punishment for me, and as it turned out, I enjoyed suffering somuch that I’d been carrying the ring around with me ever since Adeline had come back into my life.
I checked my watch as I rounded another corner.Still fast.
For a while there, I’d genuinely been on pace for a 3:30 marathon, which already would’ve been one of my better training runs, but somewhere after mile twenty, my body stopped cooperating. Everything from the past few weeks started catching up to me, Wisconsin, Lu running away, Adeline crying, the almost marriage, and the actual sex. Theo repeatedly telling me I was an idiot.
I slowed, my hands braced on my hips. Other runners streamed past me. Maybe I was spent. Done. Out of gas.
Seriously, what even is the point?
My legs felt heavy enough to detach from my body and the thought of another five miles suddenly seemed insane, but then I heard someone yelling.
“Zach!”
I frowned and looked toward the barriers. No one knew where I was right now. Except Theo, but that hadn’t been his voice. In fact, it had sounded a lot like?—
Lu was flying down the sidewalk beside the barrier tape on her bike. I blinked hard, genuinely thinking exhaustion had finally caused me to hallucinate. She waved wildly, grinning like mad. “Go faster! Run, Zach.”
