“Me whole life,” he continued, “I thought love ruined everything it touched. I thought it made men weak and foolish and blind. I thought if I kept away from it, I would keep everyone safe.”
“And look how well that went,” Ava scoffed.
“Aye.”
She turned away from him. If she stayed facing him, she might forgive him too soon, and she had earned her anger better than that.
“Daenae stand there and say beautiful things now as though the rest vanished.”
“It didnae vanish.”
“Nay.”
She took one step toward the door, but his hand closed around her wrist before she could reach it. His grip was firm, careful, and desperate enough that she felt it through her whole body.
“Listen to me.”
She did not turn back.
“What ruined me,” he said, his voice rough now, “wasnae loving ye. It was trying to livewithoutye. It was hearing that our marriage ended and finding I couldnae breathe around it. It was a week in me castle with every room empty of ye and every hour worse than the one before.”
Ava closed her eyes.
“I am done running,” he murmured. “I am done hiding behind caution and letting fear make me choices and then pretending I made them for yer own good. I love ye.”
The words settled into the room with a weight that made her knees feel weak.
“I love ye,” he said again, quieter now. “And I will never let me love hurt ye again.”
Ava turned to him then.
He stood before her without title, distance, command, or any shield she had learned to hate in him. For the first time since she had known him, he looked like a man who had come to lose if she chose it and would take that loss without hiding from it.
Her heart gave one painful thud after another.
She was furious with him. She wanted him. She believed him. She did not know yet what to do with that. For several seconds, she could only stand there and look at him.
His words had gone into her cleanly. They had done more damage by being true than many of his lies had done by being false. She had wanted this for too long, and she had paid for wanting it. Now, he stood before her with the fear stripped out of his mouth at last, and she did not know where to put any of it.
“I daenae ken what to think.” The admission came out quieter than she had intended. It felt too bare between them.
Ciaran did not step closer. He seemed to understand that even now, one careless movement might drive her back into herself.
“Then think this,” he said. “If I could have spared ye the pain of loving me, I would have.”
Ava let out a short breath and rolled her eyes, though they burned. “Such sweet words.”
His mouth twitched, almost a smile, though there was no ease in it. “I am trying.”
“That is plain enough.”
She should have felt victorious for making him work. She did not. She felt tired and raw and acutely aware of every breath he took.
He had come all this way. He had brought her the map. He had said the thing she had begged the world to let be true, and still her hurt sat between them, alive and watchful.
Ciaran lowered himself to his knees.
The movement took her by surprise so completely that she forgot to breathe for one beat.
