“What is the point of this, Alfie? I can’t hold my body upright let alone think about my dissertation.”
“Well you’d better learn how to hold yourself upright then, won’t you? Then you’ll have one less thing to think about when you tell me why your dissertation is so important.”
Fucker.
He’s so…annoying.
His eyebrow quirks up as I suck in my cheeks, biting down the irritation of nearly falling on my ass,again.
“Could I just hold onto the side?”
“Nope.”
“What about-”
“Answer the question, Mia. Why is it important? It doesn’t have to be a long answer, just give meyouranswer.”
I huff, bracing myself as we begin to turn again, the cold air prickling against my cheeks. “It’s important because this could change the way we approach offender rehabilitation. At the moment our prison system is primarily focused on punishment rather than rehabilitation. It’s a business, privately owned with shareholders, those who are looking to turn a profit. There is no incentive for them to rehabilitate. They want people in prison. But if we look at things from a community aspect, we’ll see that for a lot of non-violent offenders, rehabilitation is incredibly successful.” I take another breath and squeal as we turn thecorner that I barely noticed us approaching. Alfie’s face breaks out into an all-out grin as he nods for me to keep going.
“Other other countries have seen tremendous results, such as Norway. They focus on community and encourage the inmates to be responsible for themselves and others. Building trust within the prison staff and the inmates. If we could replicate that here, including the therapy, it could not only change lives, it could change the entire country.”
Alfie twists his foot, the blade scraping against the ice and we come to a stop, right in the middle of the ice. I wobble, my center of balance off-kilter in these damn skates.
“You’re fucking amazing,” he whispers, his eyes sparkling with something akin to pure unadulterated pride.
I’m still freaking out about the notes that Nate left me. I’m still freaking out about being dragged around on metal knives by my boss who’s brother literally plays for the NHL. But Alfie is proving to me that he’s going to keep showing up for me. Maybe, just maybe, I can let him.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Alfie
Mia heads to the café on Saturday as usual. I watch behind the penis-shaped bush once again and see her take her usual seat, giving the barista a hug before grabbing her coffee and almond croissant. She’s got that excited look on her face, and I can spot the instant the barista tells her it’s free of charge. She’s their hundredth customer of the day, and this is a new initiative that I bribed them to create this morning when I prepaid Mia's order.
Now I just have to sit and wait for Nate to show up, like I suspect he will. I glance toward the alleyway he was hiding last time, but he hasn’t shown up yet. At least, not that I can see. The weather has vastly improved since I last caught him, and there are more people walking along the sidewalk, so it’s hard to get a good view.
I’m even more certain that watching patients, if they’re saying anything alarming in sessions, is the right thing to do. How could I ignore this when clearly he’s been harassing Mia? I should have taken action when I realized he was watching herthe first time. But I’d hesitated, and now Mia was suffering and feeling unsafe.
It meant that she stayed with me for the last three nights, and for that, I may just have to send Nate a thank-you card. I offered her the guest bedroom, but she refused, claiming that she felt safer sleeping next to me. She let me hold her, but I haven’t pushed her to do anything else since then. I don’t want the threat of someone else influencing her to sleep with me. I’m not a fucking monster. And yet every morning when I wake up with my cock nestled against her ass, I hate myself a little more. The soft feminine scent of her hair, the curve of her hip, her smooth skin beneath my palms. With every night that passes, a thread in the imaginary rope holding my restraint together snaps, and I’m mere inches away from rolling her over, pinching her nipple and sliding myself into her wet cunt.
My skin prickles as I spot Nate, the hood of his sweatshirt hanging over a baseball cap. He’s biting the skin around his thumb again, agitated, bouncing from foot to foot. I watch him cautiously. After the incident with Vincent, I’m not sure I could incite another tackling, especially with Mia in the vicinity. Who can say what she would do? The strangest thought runs through my mind as I hope for a split second that Nate isn’t wearing underwear, for his own sake.
He hasn’t even done anything wrong yet. Standing outside a café isn’t a crime. Stalking obviously is, but if that were enough, then Nate and I would be locked up together attending group therapy sessions before the week is out.
I need to stop doing this soon, don’t I? This can’t continue. If Mia decides she wants me, if she decides she wants to really give this relationship a shot, following patients will need to stop. I can’t control everything, and I’m walking down a dangerous path of thinking I can anticipate everything, prevent every relapse or potential crime. I’m spreading myself too thin.And for the first time since my college relationship ended and my father told me I need to step up and put my patients' needs above all else, I don’t want to.
I want to have something that’s mine, something to care for and nurture, where I reap the benefits and not someone else. I want to feel the love of someonewho I love. And I’m slowly starting to realize I want that person to be Mia. It’s like everyone has known it since the day she started working for me, and it’s taken me three years to come to terms with it. Maybe it’s because she’s leaving soon. Maybe it’s my way of trying to hold on to her when I didn’t have to before.
Things have changed between us in the last few weeks. The attraction to Mia has always been there. Of course, I can acknowledge her smile, her hair and her soft curves. But there is nothing like spending time with someone and learning that they make you laugh in ways you haven’t since you were a kid. Being fully relaxed with someone that you can take off the mask you wear for everybody else.
“Who are we watching today?” The gravelly tone of a fake male voice scrapes on my eardrum. I jump forward, spinning around, my fists up.
“Fuck me, Mia, are you kidding? I nearly took a swing at you.”
“Ohhh come on then, Rocky, show me what you’ve got.” She jumps from toe to toe, circling me like a raccoon would a roast chicken carcass.
“Mia…”
“Come here, Jonesy let me borrow these. I’ve been dying to use them.” She pulls a pair of high-tech binoculars out of her purse and holds them against her eyes.
