“Okay, I just needed the bathroom, and I didn’t want it to smell bad in here.”
Jesus, he’s never gonna buy that excuse.
“You want to keep the mystery alive?” He smirks. “I’ve been you first for everything, Mia. I think we’re well past that, don’t you?”
“Of course.” I smile. “I’ll leave it shut. It’s too cold, anyway.”
“Good girl. You can have the window down when we’re in the car.”
Great. Like I’m a dog that wants to stick my head out, tongue lolling out my mouth.
He leaves the bathroom, not shutting the door. “This stays open, okay?”
I nod, latching the window back up, to play my part.
When I’ve peed, I head straight back down the hallway. He’s probably on high alert now and thinks I’ll be trying to escape. Time to play the slow game. I grip the banister, carefully walking down the stairs, which are swimming beneath my feet.
The sizzle of the frying pan reaches my ears, and I swallow down the mouthwatering urge to eat the pancakes. I haven’t eaten since yesterday lunchtime, at least I think it was yesterday. Despite the groan of my empty stomach, the fear of him drugging me again sits on my chest like a brick. Deciding it’ll be better to have my strength when the time comes, and the fact that he’s too excited to have me here, I take my chances on the pancakes.
The taste explodes in my mouth, and it’s like I’m transported back to seventeen. The taste of cinnamon mixed with sugar and blueberries reminds me of slow mornings in his kitchen when his wife was away. Staying in bed for hours upon hours because he was never satisfied. One time we walked around naked all day, just because he always wanted to do it. My small frame tucked against his large body. I had no shame back then, proud to be naked and in love. I didn’t see what he did as controlling or manipulative. I just wanted to please him. I wanted him tobe as in love with me as I was with him. But I was a toy he played with. Something that set him apart from his colleagues. He had someone younger and forgiving who would do anything he asked.
He always used to say his wife would never do this with him. She was cold, callous. Someone who was selfish and only took money from him, despite her working all the time. I don’t forgive her for what she did to me in the aftermath. I was groomed from a very young age to be his mistress. I’d known the man since I was thirteen. But it wasn’t her that ruined my life; it washim. I hold on to the anger now. The only thing he left me with. I hold on to it so I can use it to fight back when the time comes. I’ll do anything for the life I built. I’m not going to give it up for anyone.
???
After breakfast, I wash the dishes, just like I used to before. Now that I’m downstairs, there are more exit points that I can investigate. We seem to be in a small rental. I’m sure if I yelled loud enough, someone would be able to hear me, but I keep quiet. I see nothing out the kitchen window, just an empty yard that’s been paved over. No grass, no greenery. Just gray.
The long game.
The long game.
The long game.
I repeat it like a mantra.
He won’t respond to disrespect, screaming or arguing. What have I learned about men like him? The hot water scalds my hands, but it soothes me. I’m here. I’m alive. I feel pain. I’m in control of that pain. Not exactly healthy coping mechanisms, butneeds must when your ex-teacher/first boyfriend kidnaps and drugs you.
I think back to the notes I made for Alfie. What had I written about further therapy? Techniques I would use if he were my patient? Alfie would follow up with me and discuss possible therapy techniques or where I could have improved my diagnosis. He mentored me. Even without a formal agreement, he was happy to help me learn.
God, I miss him. I miss his smile, so rare until recently. I miss the way he takes care of me. Even if the big idiot does the most ridiculous things, like buy someone a house. He’s mine. And I’m his. We belong together, and that was what I was going to tell him this morning. And now he’s going to think I’ve run because that’s what I always do. I run from my problems instead of tackling them head-on.
But I don’t want to do that anymore. A few days apart gave me the clarity I needed. I want to be with him for real. And now I may never have the chance to tell him I still love him. If only I hadn’t been so stubborn. If only I’d told him to shut up and deal with his issues. I should have fought harder, but I gave up, so willing to accept that I’d never be enough for him. How foolish. Now I have to fight to get back to him out of sheer spite. I need to fight this bastard so I can tell Alfie he has no choice; we’re getting back together.
What is the point of having a PhD in psychology if you cannot think your way out of an abduction? Ridiculous. Frankly, this should be on the curriculum. But for now, my mind is blank. Well, not entirely; my thoughts are running too fast to focus on one. I see Sean Sanders’s, or I should say Carter Corbin’s, notes in front of me when I close my eyes, but the words are spinning, mixing together so it’s indecipherable.
“Come watch something with me!” Carter calls out from the living room area. There’s no hallway; it's a small house.The wallpaper peeling down the walls looks smoke-stained. The couch is well used, the cushions lumpy, molding to someone’s butt over the years. How did he find this place? I glance at the front door. How quickly could I make it to the door before he reached me? I lick my lips, stopping myself from acting recklessly.
I join him, taking tentative steps toward him as I struggle with my dizziness. His arm is wrapped around the back of the worn couch, and I understand that he means for me to sit, tucked into his side. But I don’t have the body of a seventeen-year-old anymore. I’m a grown woman—my hips have widened, my curves fuller. I’m not going to tuck into his side comfortably.
Long game.
Long game.
Long game.
I scream the words in my head, filling my thoughts so I can block Carter out if only for a second.
With the remote in one hand, he flicks through the channels, landing on The Morning Show. Oh, my God. It’s Thursday. Alfie is going to be on the show today. My heart leaps into my throat, and I tuck in quickly beside him. Snuggling in, I do my best not to hurl up my pancakes at the feel of his body against mine.
