I reach around for my phone, tapping my pockets until I spot it on the coffee table. I reach over and see three missed calls from Mia, two from Caleb and a series of messages in the Dinner Club group chat that I’m not ready to see.
I need to call Mia, apologize for leaving last night and explain that I’m going to need to take a step back from what we’re doing. I’m obsessed, too involved. We’ve only been together a matter of weeks, months really, but it’s too distracting. My work is going to suffer, and I can’t do that to the patients. They deserve my everything. I’m not going to be like my father, half-assing a relationship and being an absentee father. I refuse to continue that legacy.
But first, a coffee, and then a shower, and then whatever else I can do to make myself feel less shitty and more presentable.
A pounding noise comes from the front door. Fuck me. The cavalry is here.
It continues relentlessly until I swing open the door. Caleb, Lottie, Jonesy, and Katie push their way through, all eyeing me furiously except for Katie, who looks plain disgusted.
“I might throw up, so let’s please get this over with quickly so I can go and apologize to my girlfriend,” I say, rubbing my hands over my face.
“What girlfriend?”
“Very funny, Lottie, everyone knows we’re dating for real now,” I say, slumping back down into the couch.
“Alfie, you broke up with Mia last night.”
What?
No, that’s not possible. I left Lottie’s and came straight here.
Katie continues. “She texted us last night to let us know. She came by to check on you because she knew you were upset.” She eyes me up and down as she leans back against Jonesy. He’s scowling at me but softens the moment she leans in, his arm resting on the back of the couch just as he had yesterday. His fingertips play with the ends of her hair.
“That’s not possible. I’m alone here, and I was drinking.”
“Blackout out I reckon.” Caleb tuts as if he’s never gone on a whiskey rampage.
I rack my brain, desperate for any hint of what happened. But nothing—I was so lost, I have nothing to go on. No idea what I said.
“Is she at home?”
“We tried knocking before we came here, but there was no answer.”
I nod. “I need to go to the hospital to check on Helen.”
“That’s what I was trying to call you about,” Caleb chimes in. “Helen fainted when she found out her shithead ex-husband had been stabbed and killed in prison. She had been on a brunch with some girlfriends and was tipsy. She hit her head, and that combined with the alcohol she’d drunk, she was talking some shit. Given that you were on her medical record, the EMT thought she’d tried to hurt herself. That’s why they called me. Once she sobered up and slept off the alcohol, it was clear she was just in shock. Her new boyfriend came to pick her up. She’s fine, Alfie.”
She’s fine.
I hadn’t missed anything.
Fuck.
I’m relieved, of course. But the dread building in my chest starts to lodge around my throat. I may not have got it wrong about Helen, but I’ve clearly seriously fucked things up with Mia. And if she’s not at home, where is she?
“Can you text her and ask where she is?”
They know I’m talking about Mia, so they don’t bother asking who I mean. “We already did, Alf. She’s not replying.”
“Call her, please. I’ll do anything.”
Katie rolls her eyes, but Lottie calls. After thirty seconds or so, she shakes her head.
“Fuck,” I spit, pulling off my glasses so I can pinch the bridge of my nose.
“Time for a shower, bud. We’ll put the coffee on whilst you get cleaned up,” Jonesy says after prying himself away from Katie. He slaps me on the shoulder, like you would slap the backside of a horse to get them moving.
The water spits on my skin like hot needles. I hang my head low under the spray as I brace my hands on my knees. Maybe I’m just keeling over because if I stand up straight I’ll pass out. Either way, the scent of shower gel revives me a little and frees up some space for some introspection. Flashes of Mia in my living room fight for dominance in my mind but I can’t hear her. Her lips are moving, her eyebrows pinched, her eyes welling with tears. I fucking did that to her. On her special night, I made her feel like shit. I need to talk to her and make this right. Tell her I’m sorry, beg for forgiveness. Because even though I need to recalibrate, I don’t want to hurt her, and I definitely don’t want to lose her.
