I heard my elevator ding, and seconds later, Rome came walking into the kitchen. I almost forgot this nigga stayed here last night. You would think these niggas get mail here as much as they sleep over. My alarm notification went off, and I jumped up like my ass was on fire.
“The hell wrong with him?” I heard Rome ask.
“He has a pen pal. Well, she’s the only one penning ’cause he doesn’t even know who she is. But you get what I’m saying,” Zelly told him.
“A pen pal? The bitch in jail? Ohhh lawd, not big dawg!” Rome said as I walked back into the kitchen.
“So yo ass running through the house trying to tackle the mailbox to get a letter from somebody in the penitentiary?”
“Both of y’all go to hell. And she’s not in jail,” I blurted.
“Nigga, how do we even know that it’s ashethat we’re talking about? That’s probably a whole bitch with a dick. Bruh bringing all the boys to the yard! Lawd not my dawg. We gon’ keep this shit between us. Good thing you ain’t meet thenigitchso they can’t say you teetering the lines of the rainbow committee.” Rome shrugged, and I wanted to pull my gun out and crack that nigga in the head. Gizelle was hanging over in the chair, trying to catch her breath from laughing so hard. Her ass lucky I didn’t hit women ‘cause I would for sure tip that muthfuckin chair over.
“Dawg! What the hell is anigitch?” She asked, still in a fit of laughter while looking over at Rome.
“That’s a nigga and bitch together. ’Cause at this point, who are you, Ms. Man?” With him saying that shit, it had her ass gasping for air, and they were falling all on each other like it was the funniest shit they heard in their life.
I was sitting here thinking of ways to fuck them up. “Fuck y’all!” I spat. Turning on the surround sound to play my three songs.
‘Use Somebody’ by Kings of Leon started playing, and Zelly’s face twisted up. “What the hell! Is that heavy metal?” she asked, listening to the intro of the song.
“Nah, that’s my shit! Nigga what you know about Kings of Leon!I’ve been roaming around always looking down and all I see. You know that I can use somebody! Someone like you!Yeahhhhh that’s my song right there.” Rome was in here beating his damn hands on the counter, shaking his head all damn hard like he was the drummer and singing all at the same damn time. This nigga works my damn nerves.
The alarm chimed again, and I pulled my camera up on my phone this time instead of running out to see if it was the mail being delivered. When I saw the mail truck, I almost broke my ankle trying to get outside.
“Damn, that nigga got it bad for an imaginarynigitch!” I heard Rome say, and him and Zelly burst into laughter. All I know is, when I get back, I’m pulling my gun out and putting these funky bitches out of my shit.
I grabbed the mail out of the box, and my heart damn near stopped when I saw her handwriting. A sigh of relief overcame me, and I was eager as hell to read it. I went back inside and walked into the kitchen, not thinking about them being there. I sat in my chair at the island and opened the letter. I felt them standing behind me, and I didn’t even care that they were probably reading it too. I tuned them out and focused on the letter.
Legacy,
I’ve been sitting here thinking about you heavy today. I’m sorry I missed a letter last week. I’m not even sure if you even noticed it honestly. But in the event that you did, my apologies. Last week was so rough on me. On the bright side, my daughter has been the highlight of my days. Sometimes I can’t believe that she really came from me, but she definitely inherited the best parts of me. She has all of my features and a great deal of my mannerisms. She’s such a beautiful little girl.
How is your artistry going? You know I saw this movie called Mea Culpa a while ago with Kelly Rowland and she was seeing this artist. In one of the scenes, they were making love in body paint, creating this piece of art. Not to sound crazy or anything, but have you ever thought about doing this? I’ve officially added this to my bucket list. That was the sexiest scene of love-making I’ve ever seen in my life. There’s a few more things that I’ve added to my list. Like bungee jumping, doing a 5K walk, visiting the Eiffel Tower and the lock bridge while I’m in Paris. Making love on a beach in Bali. Anddd shopping with my baby girl on Rodeo Drive, lol. Hanii and I would have so much fun. Those are just to name a few.
I’ve started to look at life differently. Appreciating it a lot more than I used to. You never know how much time you have here on earth so it’s best to live your life with no regrets. Honestly, I hate that I have some. Nothing too major, but I regret never putting myself out there to find true love. Allowing it to scare me away into loneliness.
Now, here it is... I’m facing one of the biggest and hardest challenges in my life, and I’m all alone for the most part. I mean, I have my best friend, but that’s all. No real family to rely on. Maybe that’s for the best. Maybe not. That’s part of the reason why I knew I could never approach you—We’d have no time together. No time to even try this thing called love out. Hell, I’m not even sure that you would even like me. I may not be who you’re interested in. I’m so scared of rejection.
I know you’re probably lost as hell, so I’m just going to go ahead and rip the band aid off. Legacy, the truth is, I’m dying. You wouldn’t be able to tell by just looking at me, not yet anyway.
About two years ago, I was diagnosed with indolent leukemia. At first, my chances were good. I got early intervention, did treatment, and changed my diet. I was optimistic. But me and odds never went welltogether, and like a thief in the night, cancer reared its ugly head and came back. Full force.
I prepared myself for another battle again. Got ready to fight. Then I received the most devastating news that the treatment wasn’t working. I finally decided to come to terms with it because, if I was going to go then I wanted to be me when I left. I wanted to spend all the time I could with my daughter instead of being chained up in a hospital.
So, for the last year, I’ve been working hard as hell, saving up money for my daughter, and trying to figure out a way to be okay with leaving her behind. That’s the thing that breaks my heart most. Leaving her out here in this cruel ass world alone.
I guess it’ll never be easy to digest. I mean, she doesn’t even know I’m sick really. Does that make me terrible? Hiding the truth from her? I’m just trying to find the right time to talk to her about mommy leaving her and going to heaven.
If only this was another lifetime, one where I was bold and confident, and not dying, I would’ve definitely tried my chance with you. However, we only get one life, and this one happens to be mine. I have this word of affirmation that I recite daily. Never let the stresses of life control you, you controlit. I need to practice this more than ever now, but it’s hard. Say a prayer for me and ask God to cover me and my daughter. Especially, my daughter... that little girl is going to need the arms of the angels surrounding her.
Well, until next time.
Sincerely,
Forever
Until the tears hit the paper, I didn’t even realize I was crying. This shit broke my heart into pieces, and I just couldn’t believe what the hell I just read. But it was something about this particular letter that nagged me.
