I just needed you to know that somewhere in this world, there’s a woman who had forgotten what warmth felt like until she met a stranger.
I’m not putting a return address because this wasn’t me “shooting my shot.” LOL. And in a way, I think that’s keeps this somewhat beautiful instead ofembarrassing. Some things are safer unfinished and untouched. Like a song you never play all the way through because you’re afraid the ending won’t feel as good as the beginning.
So, I’ll leave you with this instead: Thank you for making me feel alive before disappearing back into your own world. It will not be forgotten.
Sincerely,
Forever
What the fuck!
I had to sit and read this letter again ’cause who the fuck was this!
“Nigga, who you fucked and got them doing this type of shit?” I spoke aloud, looking down at my dick.
The hell did she mean by I treated her “softly.” I had to sit and think about who I met when I went to Jamaica a couple of weeks ago, and if I should’ve been concerned because clearly, she had my address.
“What the fuck?” I muttered, rereading the letter again.
This shit was giving secret admirer mixed with stalker vibes, and I honestly didn’t know whether to laugh or really be concerned. My dick was always getting us into some shit. I leaned back in my chair and ran my hand across my face trying to put this shit together.
I was sitting and thinking hard about every woman I crossed paths with in Jamaica. Every conversation. Every night out. But nothing was clicking. Nobody stood out enough to be sending me handwritten letters like this. Then another thought hit me and had me sitting up straighter. Wherever I met her wasn’t nearmy home so the biggest question yet was how the fuck did she find out where I lived? Whoever she was now had access to my personal space which was sacred to me. Weirdly, the letter didn’t really give full on stalker vibes or serial killer, but I still couldn’t help but to rack my brain with questions.
“Why you look stressed?” Zelly asked, walking into the kitchen. She fixed herself a plate and came to sit beside me at the island, and I slid her the letter. She started reading with her eyes getting bigger and bigger.
“Awwww! This is scary and so sweet at the same time. So, do you know who this is?” she asked, and I just sat there still trying to figure this out.
We sat and ate our food, and I couldn’t tell you how many times I read that letter and still had no idea who it came from. Shit was crazy.
7 /FOREVER
“So,let me get this shit straight. You’re over here writing secret admirer letters to a nigga that stayed at The Luxe, you took a picture of his L’s, and you assigned yourself to clean his room. Yo ole starkerish ass shoulda known you were in trouble when you assigned yourself to clean his shit. Bruh, is the nigga that fine? Let me see a picture of him. You said that was the reason you took the picture of his driver’s license. You going to jail! And Ion wanna be friends with no convict, especially a stalker convict at that,” Jaz said, shaking her head. I pulled the picture up so she could see him. She grabbed the phone out of my hand.
“Ohhhh, this nigga fine enough to make me go straight. He fine as fuck. This nigga run circles, stars, and boomerangs around anything you ever had before, including that orangutan you call a baby daddy.”
“I knew I shouldn’t have told you. Jaz, it’s not like that. I swear I’m not a stalker, and I know it may seem like that, but I’m truly not.”
“But you are. But go off lil stalk-stalk,” she laughed.
“I tried so hard to fight sending that letter, but I just wanted to stay connected in some way.” I shrugged.
“Okay, boo. Gon’ head and write your lil’ letters, but when them people come knocking at your door, don’t put me and my niece in your mess,” my best friend said, while shaking her head at me. “Now come on before you’re late for your doctor’s appointment. I shouldn’t even be riding in the same car as you, ’cause what if they pull us over?" She paused dramatically, and I instantly rolled my eyes.
“Girl, hush. I’m not hurting anybody.” To be honest, I did feel a little ashamed. Not just because of the letters, though.
I felt worse about the fact that while I was in Philadelphia for my conference that week, I actually drove past his house. Well, I wasn’t sure if I would even call it a house. His mansion. Calling that place a house was disrespectful as hell. The property sat behind massive black gates. His home looked like it could be in one of those lavish magazines. The crazy part was, I actually sat outside those gates for almost ten minutes just staring in awe of the place. Ugh!
I hated that I did that. Deep down, I knew the only reason I went to Philadelphia was to see him again. Every single day at work, I checked to see when a new VIP reservation came through, just to see if his name would be there. I knew that all of this sounded crazy because men like him wouldn’t even think twice about someone like me. That wasn’t to say that I couldn’t get a man, they just always seemed to choose the bougie women. I sighed at the thought of it all. All I kept on asking myself was, “what have you gotten yourself into, Forever?” Even I didn’t have the answer to that.
“Fev. Did you hear about Nisha getting hurt at the bank?”
“Girl, yeah. That was some crazy shit. They said the door hit her, right?” I heard about it but didn’t get a chance to ask Nisha about it so I could get the entire story.
“Bihhhh. They said that she pulled the door open to walk in and the whole damn door fell on top of her. They talking aboutshe tried to stand up and shit. She slow as hell ’cause my ass would’ve still been on the ground wit the door until my damn check cleared from my pain and suffering. I woulda been out there slobbing at the mouth you hear me. Soon as they would've tried to move the glass, my ass woulda put a tighter grip. Ain’t no damn way. That bank would’ve been called First Jazmine Federal after I was through with they ass. The judge woulda had to come talk to me right in the same spot I landed when me and the door went down,” she said, and I was hollering.
An hour later, I was settled into my doctor’s appointment. Since I was going to be there for a while, I leaned back in the chair near the window and watched the rain pour down outside. I loved rainy days. Something about them always calmed me down and gave me so much peace. My thoughts drifted right back to Legacy. So, I pulled my notebook from my purse and started writing him another letter. Maybe I wouldn’t send this one, though.
A few hours later, I was done with my appointment and finally made it back home. The rain was still falling hard against the windows, and the forecast said it was supposed to storm for the next few days. Honestly, I didn’t mind it. I’d been working so much lately that being forced to slow down almost felt nice. I went and took me a warm shower, put on some tights and a t-shirt, and curled up on my couch with my notebook in hand. Hanii decided to go home with Jaz, so I was kid free. The house was quiet except for the rain tapping against the wall windowpane and my music playingWhat You Needby Tems. I absolutely loved this song. No matter how peaceful the moment felt, my mind was still on Legacy Porter.
