That’s very clearly not an answer to my question, but one that I’m willing to answer. “I did. He seems genuinely happy for us.” Not that I’m surprised.Mostly. He’s protective of both of us, so I wasn’t sure exactly what he’d say. When he came into the store after his talk with Chase, the smile on his face was so big it practically lit up the whole store. “It’s nice not to be keeping a secret from him anymore. We usually tell each other everything. The last time I tried not to tell him something was back in middle school.”
“Really? What was it?”
I cough a few times. “It was that I had a crush on you. I wasn’t subtle, though, and he figured it out within a week.”
“That means every secret you’ve kept from him in the last decades has been about me.”
Huh. Guess that’s true. “You’re worth it.”
Chase sits down at the table and puts a hearty helping of potatoes on both our plates before offering me my choice of chicken pieces.
“This is incredible. What did you use?” I don’t think I’m changing my usual dinner routine, but it would be nice to have something like this a little more often.
“It’s just some Italian dressing and other seasoning. It should really marinate overnight, but it’s okay like this.”
In my mind, it’s much better than okay. Instead of arguing with him, I take a few more bites. “So, you never did tell me what the occasion is? Russ told me he was giving us some space and taking himself out for dinner. What he wouldn’t tell me is why he needed to give us space.” And I’m not panicking. Nope, not even a little bit.
“You know Geraldine?”
“The principal?”
“Yeah, I ran into her at the store today. She offered me a job. Actually, she offered me an interview for a job, but it sounds like a done deal.”
“A job?”
“Part-time coaching of the cross-country and track teams. It’d still let me do my virtual coaching on the side. Plus, I could help out at the bookstore. I mean, if you need it.”
“Chase.” I drop my fork onto the table. “Are you telling me that you want to stay? Here? With me?”
“Yeah, that’s what I’m saying. I’ve been thinking about it, and I’ve been happier here than I remember ever being in my life. A lot of that is because of you.”
“You can’t move here for me.” In a few months, he’ll realize that small-town life isn’t a good fit for him. That, without big theaters and shopping malls, he’s bored out of his mind.
“Do you not want me?”
“Chase, no. I want you more than anything. I love you. I just can’t make you give up your life for me.”
“Do you mean it?”
I play back my words in my head.Shit. That’s not how I meant to tell him. I actually didn’t mean to tell him at all. I don’t want him to feel obligated to stay. “Yeah, of course I do.” I won’t lie to him. Chase Haywood was my first love. Maybe not the wayI love him now, but it was still love. People can call it teenage infatuation or whatever else they want. I always knew the truth.
“Then let me make this choice. I know it seems fast, but I’ve thought about it. A lot.” He reaches out and takes my hand. “Do you remember when you first moved here?”
“Of course.”
“Did you ever hesitate? Think that maybe it was the wrong choice?”
I think back. It’s hard to remember the details of those grief-filled months. This house felt haunted by all the memories of my great-aunt. Some nights it felt like too much. I’d sit in the kitchen, right here where I used to watch her cook, and sob until I wore myself out.
“No, I knew it was what was best. My old life wasn’t working for me. If I didn’t make changes, I knew I’d eventually completely lose it.”
“That’s where I am. Except, instead of walking away from everything, a lot of it walked away from me. I was at the lowest point in my life when I showed up here. I didn’t seek out change; it found me. But I’m so glad that it did. I couldn’t see what was possible until you showed me.”
He squeezes my hand, and I lose it. The tears start streaming down my face. I’m not even sure why I’m crying. It’s not sadness, but rather an overload of emotion that has to go somewhere.
“Nix Jansen, I love you more than I thought possible.”
I launch myself into his arms. The chair beneath us rocks, but Chase manages to keep it from tipping over. “I love you. So much.” I kiss him until I’m drunk on the taste of his lips. The food is probably cold by now, but I can’t bring myself to care. We can reheat it later or order takeout. Right now, I can’t think of anything other than being close to him.
