At least waking up early gives me plenty of time to contemplate my life. I’m doing exactly that when Nick saunters across the room and hops up on the back of the sofa, making himself a nice little spot before curling up in a tight ball.
“How the hell did you get in here?” I triple-checked last night and made sure the door was closed tight. Other than coming in through the window, there’s no way that cat could get up here.
Except there he is, dozing on my sofa. For all I know, he spent all night up here with me.
“Fine. Enjoy your nap.” Nick, completely unbothered, either doesn’t hear me or doesn’t care to respond. “As soon as I get back from my run, you’re out of here.” I’ll personally pick him up and move him if I have to.
Probably.
Instead of rotting in bed, I get up and throw on some running clothes. The one thing I accomplished yesterday was unpacking. It wasn’t exactly a feat of any proportion, considering I arrived with a whole two suitcases and a couple of boxes. It’s nice to havea few things organized, though. It makes it feel like I have my life together, even if I don’t.
NIX
“So things with Chase are going okay?” That’s a bit of a loaded question. I don’t want to lie to Russ, but I can’t tell him the truth.
“We’re settling into a routine.” There. A vague enough answer that it doesn’t count as lying. It’s also technically true. I’m not sure he’ll be here long enough for us to develop a pattern. When I imagined him here, I let my mind get a little carried away. I guess I imagined that we’d be best friends. Thinking back, that was ridiculous.
We were never friends growing up. I might have thought we were, but only in that naive teenage sense. As a full-grown adult, I can see the difference. He only hung out with me because I was Russ’s best friend and always around. It was more proximity than desire. A one-sided relationship and wishful thinking on my part.
Why would that be any different now? It certainly makes sense that he wouldn’t have a strong desire to hang out with me. We’ve both changed, but not that much. I’m still the same old Nix, mind stuck in a fantasy world. The only difference is now I get paid to be trapped in that world. Or rather, I get paid to help other people visit fictional worlds. It’s a pretty good deal as far as I’m concerned.
“Nix, I can tell when you’re not happy. That’s your customer service voice. What did he do?”
“Nothing.” I sigh.
Russ clicks his tongue at me.
“Seriously. He didn’t do anything. He’s been a great guest. It’s me. I think I thought maybe we would be friends.” There. I admitted it. Hopefully, Russ would drop the topic altogether.
“Why can’t you be friends? I think it would be good for Chase to have you as a friend. He could really use one right now. I think all the ones he had here were work friends. The whole time he lived with me, I never saw him hang out with any of them.”
That’s a bit sad, but it doesn’t mean he’s interested in hanging out with me. “Yeah, I think we’re just different. It’s always been like that.”
“You’re thinking of high-school Chase. He’s changed. We’ve changed. Some of us quite a bit.”
“I know, just maybe I haven’t changed that much.” Whether that’s a good thing or a bad thing, I’m not entirely certain.
“That’s ridiculous. You’re a completely different person.” I can’t help the laugh that escapes. I’m literally standing in my great-aunt’s house, the one I loved as a child, in front of a bookcase filled with all my favorite stories, most of which I read as a kid. “No, Nix. I won’t let you get away with that. You’re so different. The Nix I knew growing up always did what everyone wanted him to do. He never would’ve quit his high-power job to open a bookstore in a small town.”
“It’s not like I had a choice.” The big city life, combined with corporate culture, was slowly sucking the will to live out of my body. There was always more work to be done. If I finished something early, it meant getting double the work next time. And there was never more money to go with it. In my last year, I’m not sure I ever enjoyed the work. Everything was another box on my to-do list.
“You did have a choice, and you made the right one.”
Not everyone agrees with Russ. I called him while standing in the center of Sleighbell Springs, staring at a giant Christmas tree. Through tears, I told him that my great-aunt died. That wassad, but it wasn’t why I was crying. Or at least it wasn’t the only reason I was crying.
I’d put in a request for bereavement leave, a few days off, so I could go to her funeral in Vermont. The email came back with a big heading that said:Denied.
Apparently, great-aunts aren’t covered by company policy. They aren’t important enough. It was in that moment that I snapped. I had nearly six weeks of accumulated vacation time because there was never an opportunity to take it. Nope, can’t take time off. Too many big projects. Maybe next week.
When I pointed out that next week the funeral would still be over, my manager shrugged and said,“Well, she’ll still be dead.”
I took the plant from my desk and nothing else. Just left and took the first train headed north. No plans. Just a fuck everyone attitude and my peace lily.
“My parents still think this was a mistake.” They never loved Sleighbell Springs. It’s not for everyone, but the bookstore is a success. And I’m happy. My blood pressure is finally back to normal, and I get a full eight hours of sleep every night.
Okay, most nights. When there isn’t a book I’m obsessed with keeping me up past my bedtime.
“Fuck them. And fuck anyone else who doesn’t understand. You and Chase have a lot in common. Maybe give him a chance. I think you could both benefit from a friendship.”
