At first Kate had been furious—she'd always done everything right, looked for lumps, gotten her mammograms—and then the fear set in.
Johnny took it even harder than she did, and she saw quickly that she needed to be strong for him. Last night, they'd lain awake all night, holding each other, crying, praying, promising each other they'd get through it. Now, though, she wondered how they'd do it.
She went to him. He curled his arms around her and held her as tightly as he could, and still it wasn't close enough.
"I have to tell them."
"We have to." He stepped back slightly, loosened his hold just enough to look down at her. "Nothing will change. Remember that."
"Are you kidding? They're going to take away my breasts." Her voice caught on that; fear was a crack in the road that tripped her up. "Then they'll poison and burn me. And all that is supposed to be the good news."
He stared down at her, and the love in his eyes was the most beautiful, heart-wrenching thing she'd ever seen. "Between us, nothing will change. It doesn't matter how you look or feel or act. I'll love you forever, just like I do now."
The emotions she'd worked so hard to submerge floated up again, threatened to consume her. "Let's go," she said quietly. "While I've still got the nerve."
Hand in hand, they walked out of their bedroom and went downstairs, where the kids were supposed to be waiting for them.
The living room was empty.
Kate could hear the television in the family room. It blared out thebleep-thumpof video games. She let go of her husband and went to the corner, by the hall. "Boys, come on out here."
"Aw, Mom," Lucas whined, "we're watching a movie."
She wanted to say,Keep on watching; forget it,so badly it actually hurt to say, "Come on, please. Now."
Behind her, she heard her husband go into the kitchen and pick up the phone.
"Downstairs, Marah. Right now. No, I don't care who you're talking to."
Click.
Kate heard him hang up. Instead of going to him, she went to the couch and sat down, perching stiffly on the cushion's edge. She wished suddenly that she'd put on a heavier sweater; she was freezing.
The boys rushed into the room together, fighting with plastic swords, laughing.
"Take that, Captain Hook," Lucas said.
"I'm Peter Pan," William complained, pretending to stab his brother. "En garde!"
At seven, they were just beginning to change. The little-boy freckles were fading; baby teeth were falling out. Every time she looked at them lately, some baby trait had been lost.
Three years from now they'd be almost unrecognizable.
The thought scared her so much that she clutched the sofa's arm and closed her eyes. What if she weren't here to see them grow up? What if—
No bad thoughts.
It had become her mantra in the past four days. Johnny came up beside her, sat down close, and took her hand in his.
"I can't believe you picked up the phone," Marah said, coming down the stairs. "That is so totally an invasion of my privacy. And it was Brian."
Kate counted silently to ten, calmed herself enough to breathe, and opened her eyes.
Her children were in front of her, standing there, looking either bored (the boys) or irritated (Marah).
She swallowed hard. She could do this.
"Are you gonna say something?" Marah demanded. "Because if you're just gonna stare at us, I'm going back upstairs."
