"Are you okay? Really?"
To Tully's complete horror, she started to cry.
Kate stood there a moment, staring at her from behind those dork-o-rama glasses. Then, without saying anything, she hugged Tully.
Tully flinched at the contact; it was foreign and unexpected. She started to pull away, but found that she couldn't move. She couldn't remember the last time someone had held her like this, and suddenly she was clinging to this weirdo girl, afraid to let go, afraid that without Kate, she'd float away like the S.S.Minnowand be lost at sea.
"I'm sure she'll get better," Kate said when Tully's tears subsided.
Tully drew back, frowning. It took her a second to understand.
The cancer. Kate thought she was worried about her mom.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Kate said, taking out her retainer, putting it on the mossy top of a fence post.
Tully stared at her. In the silvery light from a full moon, she saw nothing but compassion in Kate's magnified green eyes, and she wanted to talk, wanted it with a fierceness that made her feel sick. But she didn't know how to start.
Kate said, "Come on," and led her up the hill to the slanted front porch of the farmhouse. There, she sat down, pulling her threadbare T-shirt over her bent knees. "My Aunt Georgia had cancer," she said. "It was grody. Lost all her hair. But she's fine now."
Tully sat down beside her, put her purse on the ground. The smell of vomit was strong. She pulled out a cigarette and lit up to cover the stench. Before she knew it, she'd said, "I went to a party down by the river tonight."
"A high school party?" Kate sounded impressed.
"Pat Richmond asked me out."
"The quarterback? Wow. My mom wouldn't let me stand in the same checkout line as a high school senior. She's so lame."
"She's not lame."
"She thinks eighteen-year-old boys are dangerous. She calls them penises with hands and feet. Tell me that isn't lame."
Tully glanced out over the field and took a deep, steadying breath. She couldn't believe she was going to tell this girl what happened tonight, but the truth was a fire inside her. If she didn't get rid of it, she'd burn up. "He raped me."
Kate turned to her. Tully felt those green eyes boring into her profile, but she didn't move, didn't turn. Her shame was so overwhelming that she couldn't stand to see it reflected in Kate's eyes. She waited for Kate to say something, to call her an idiot, but the silence just went on and on. Finally, she couldn't take it anymore. She looked sideways.
"Are you okay?" Kate asked quietly.
Tully relived it all in those few words. Tears stung her eyes, blurred her vision.
Once again, Kate hugged her. Tully let herself be comforted for the first time since she was little. When she finally drew back, she tried to smile. "I'm drowning you."
"We should tell someone."
"No way. They'd say it was my fault. This is our secret, okay?"
"Okay." Kate frowned as she said it.
Tully wiped her eyes and took another drag on her cigarette. "Why are you being so nice to me?"
"You looked lonely. Believe me, I know how that feels."
"You do? But you have a family."
"Theyhaveto like me." Kate sighed. "The kids at school treat me like I've got an infectious disease. I used to have friends, but . . . you probably don't know what in the heck I'm talking about. You're so popular."
"Popular just means lots of people think they know you."
"I'd take that."
