Indescribable, believing it for the first time.
I’m clutching onto the high. I’m about to askwhoI am and hope my brother can say something I’ll believe again. But I never get to speaking the words—my siblings answer without being asked.
“You’re our brother.” Grant says with a wide smile.
“And Ghost’s cat dad.” Billie reminds me, and my heart grows a size.
“You’re Derek’s newest friend, too.”
“Aaaand, you’re Rosie’s boyfriend!”
My feet stop moving. Grant’s brows raise. Billie walks a few more steps before she realizes we’ve paused.
Her face has morphed into disbelief when she looks at me. “You’re joking.”
“We haven’t put a label on it.”
She scoffs. Dramatically, with her eyes rolling back into their sockets. “You’re dating the hottest girl in Boston, who also happens to be the smartest girl in Boston, with—and I say this out of pure admiration and jealousy—the fattest ass in Boston, and you haven’t asked her to be your girlfriend?!”
Grant shrugs. “I would argue Liliana is probably the hottest girl in Boston.”
“Okay, we get it, you’re madly in love.” Billie waves him off while I’m shaking my head.
“I’m not dating Rosalie.”
My sister chokes out a laugh. Shock and disgust cover her features. “What the fuck do you call whatever you two are then? Friends?”
“No, of course not.”
She doesn’t get it.
I’m not sure if I can fully explain it. What I feel for Rosie is beyond good morning texts and flowers on special occasions. It’s all of that, and more.
I’m not dating Rosalie. I’m living with her.
My heart beating for the first time when I’m near her. Finding emotion in the folds of reality where I didn’t know they existed. Connecting to new people, new places, new things that felt barren and cold before she breathed warmth into them. I was only a shell of someone before I met her.
After Rosie, a new life began. One where being myself isn’t difficult or wrong. It just is. She makes it so.
I’m experiencing everything for the first time. Love and friendship andliving,with her.
It can’t be compressed to just dating. She’s my life partner. That’s what my heart has always seen her as, even before I realized it. I’m not sure how to totally explain that to them, or to anyone, really, but Grant plays his part as older brother and navigates my worries.
“It doesn’t matter how they define their relationship. It’s their business, anyways.” The pressure against my chest immediately feels lighter. “The main thing that matters is Locke knows he’s something to her, and to the rest of us. Not just some McCarthy kid.”
He scoffs. I chuckle. I wait for the signal that Billie is on board with our thoughts, but it doesn’t come.
She shrugs. “I don’t know. Being a McCarthy isn’t so bad. That’s what makes us connected, right? Shitty Dad aside. That name means more to me than just being related to him.”
A space opens up in my chest. Big enough to hold hopes and dreams I once thought could only be fantasies. A conversation with Rosie carved that spot in my heart. The support of my siblings is what makes it feel real. Attainable.
“You’re right. Being a McCarthy doesn’t have to be exclusive to our father.”
“Couldn’t have said it better myself.” Grant nudges my side. “After my mom died, I considered changing my name so I wouldn’t be linked to Keller anymore. I’m glad I didn’t. It’s what keeps the three of us connected. It’s like it’s been rebranded for me.”
My heart squeezes. I think Billie’s does, too, when she pushes Grant’s arm and smiles.
Rebranding. I like that word.
