My cheeks catch fire. The bottom of my lip gets caught between my teeth. I can’t help it. The phantom touches of his lips against my neck before we drifted off into sleep make me hazy. “Well, yeah. I really like him, Lil.”
“Oh mygosh!” Her voice peaks again, and everyone in the coffee shop takes a look. I try to shush her, but I can practicallysee the sound fly into one ear and out the other. “I was going to say I can’t believe it, but I can believe it.”
“You can?”
Her sleeve slips over our hands when she reaches over to intertwine them, two coffee cups forgotten at the edge of our table. “Rosie, I meant it when I said you two make sense. You’re both so opposite, but so similar. He’s shy, but you’re extroverted. He’s calm, you’re chaos.”
My eyebrow shoots up. “Chaos?”
She pats my hand and nods. “In a good way. The best way.” I’m inclined to push back, but she doesn’t give me time. “But you guys are both super passionate, you know? You about finances-”
“Trading.” I lightly correct her. She’s always struggled to grasp the nitty gritty of what I want to pursue. I try not to overwhelm her. A few years ago, when the new Xion CEO was announced, I talked her ear off about him being a Brookstone alum. For days. I make an effort not to put her through that again.
Putting my brain back on track, I add, “Locke doesn’t seem as passionate about his own major, though.”
“His father expects him to use it at VK, to be fair. You and I are studying what we love, so it makes sense that we’re dedicated to school. When it comes to Locke, there are other things he can be passionate about.”
My eyes dance across the room, searching for the truth in her words.
It’s hard to think of passion and not immediately connect it to academics. My whole life, I’ve dreamt of going all in on math, this career, and molding my future to it. I think I only know real purpose because I’ve wanted that for so long.
When I consider Locke, I can still recognize that feeling in his actions. It’s just directed elsewhere.
“You’re right. He cares a lot about his hobbies and raising Ghost.” My mind filters through the memories I have of him, and the times he seems most animated. Realizing what Locke’s real passion is makes my heart squeeze. “I think he’s most passionate about caring for his loved ones. He’ll drop anything, anytime if someone he loves needs him. It feels like he basically raised Billie and he would give anything for Grant.”
The smile on my face stretches so wide, it hurts. This is exactly how I’ve come to view him. He’s so giving and kind. A space in my chest opens up, perfectly shaped to him.
“See? That’s exactly why you two work. You have the same spirit within you. It just shows itself in different ways.”
She sighs, dreamily and hopeful, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen this.
Our roles are switched. I’m the one recalling the crumbs of a love life, and Liliana is hanging onto every word. Gazing off into the distance like any hopeless romantic would be. It’s the most Rosie-esque thing I’ve ever seen her cynical brain do. I can’t help but laugh and question it.
“What’s gotten into you? You’ve never acted like this before with any of the other guys I’ve mentioned.”
Her eyes break away from whatever fantasy they were connected to, and back to me.
“This is different.” Her shoulders fall, but just slightly. Not defeated, but relaxed. Content. “Locke is the first guy I think is worth your time and the love you have to give.”
Our hands squeeze together. I’m unsure if it’s her trying to reassure me, or me reacting to the shock coursing through my system.
My best friend is right. Instinctively, I’ve compared Locke to the guys who have predated him. It’s ridiculous to do something like that. There’s nothing to compare.
I always thought affection showed itself in sappy text messages throughout the day and kisses after a fifteen-minute round of sex.
I was so painfully wrong.
Affection, as I’ve come to learn, is having dinner ready at the end of the day for no reason other than just because. Listening to each other ramble about miscellaneous interests, because being together in any capacity is more fulfilling than being apart. Finding happiness in the silence of one another. Late night talks that don’t have to be repaid with time between sheets.
Nothing has to be exchanged. It’s not transactional.
Locke shouldn’t ever be compared to the other men I’ve ever given my time or attention to. It’s an insult to put them in the same category.
For once in my life, I don’t hate how much I romanticize everyone and everything. All the heartbreak was worth it, if these experiences with him were at the end of the tunnel.
Liliana’s cheeks must be in pain, considering she’s grinning as widely as I am. “He’s worth everything and more.”
“I’m so happy for you, Rosie.”
