The heat around my neck spreads to every part of my body. Dad circles his desk, continuing to hold his finger up.
“One semester to prove you’re worthy of the money I spend, this company, and of the McCarthy name. If you can’t, you’ll be on your own from then on.”
I take a deep breath and turn my eyes towards his feet. No movement. Nothing to indicate he’s bluffing. I don’t know why I still check, as if he’d ever bluff when it comes to me.
I’ve thought about what life would be like if I was born someone else’s son. What it’d be like growing up with a dad who saw me as more than a back-up plan, and a mom who caredabout her kids enough to protect them. In every iteration, I never considered the money. It’s never been about the money when I snap into place and do as I’m told.
Even in those fantasies of a happy family and people who love Billie and I the way parents should, it always felt wrong. Because being Keller McCarthy’s son is so engraved into me, in my blood and my DNA and my personality, I can’t imagine being anything else.
Gulping, I nod. I don’t try to apologize again. “I understand.”
“Good.” His finger moves from in front of my face and to the door. “Some of the head developers are having a meeting in a bit. Have my assistant give you the details and sit in. Take notes. Then report everything back to me by the end of the day.”
It’s the last thing I want to do. Being in meetings without him is always awkward. They know I’m just there to spy for my father. I never push back, though, and I won’t start today.
“Alright.”
“Go.”
No goodbye. Nothing at all for me to pretend he might feel bad about being so harsh, or that this isn’t just a way to threaten me into shape. While walking out his office door and accepting I won’t get home until well after 7pm, I remind myself not to have such high expectations of my father.
nine
ROSIE
I’ve never seenLockestorm. Storm in, storm out, storm left, right, etcetera. I didn’t think it was possible. Everything in my mind related to him consisted of soft and shy.
But when he bursts in Saturday night, while popcorn kernels cover my black lounge shorts, it’s like he’s a storm. Raging and uncontrollable.
The high school senior on the television screen is making a bet about the nerdy girl in his class when I pause the movie, and Locke yanks his necktie loose.
“Hey,” I say hesitantly.
There’s still a cloud of undeniable tension surrounding him, but he pulls together a half-smile anyways. “Hey.”
It’s not like when we usually talk and he’s short with me. Those times, from his body language and tone, I know it’s because he’s timid. Now his voice is sharp and his posture is frosty. It’s so unlike him.
Almost as if he can sense the change in the air, Ghost hops off his cat tower, and runs towards my roommate’s legs. Locke’sbroad shoulders slump a tad, and the corners of his mouth raise to a tiny smile.
Ghost meows when his owner picks him up and holds him close to his chest. His shoulders slump further.
My lips purse. I don’t want to risk our budding friendship by overstepping, but I equally want Locke to know that as a friend, I’m here for him. Locke lets out a deep sigh when Ghost nuzzles his head into his white button-down, and I decide that he should have more than one waiting for him at home.
I ask, “Are you okay?”
He turns towards me, still petting the cat in his arms. Locke looks around and finishes kicking off his expensive loafers.
“No.”
His tone changes again. Less sharp, more defeated. I frown.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
He tilts his head closer to Ghost. “I don’t know.”
From what Lil has told me, and the things I’ve learned while living with him, I’ve realized Locke and I are opposites in a lot of ways. The only things we really have in common are our majors—only by technicality, because software engineering and financial engineering are completely different—and the fact that we’re passionate about our nerdy hobbies. Video games and Legos for him, film and television for me.
But the look of emotional uncertainty behind his eyes, while he clings to what comforts him most, is something I understand too deeply. I never know if I want to share my struggles with people, either. So used to putting on the front of a confident and strong-minded person, that when I’m distressed for whatever reason, I get stuck.
