“It’s our go-to.”
“Usually after sex,” he pointed out.
“Formerly after sex,” I corrected. “But this is nice too—talking as friends.”
His head upturned towards me and he leaned in nearly flushing our bodies together. “You keep saying that word, though you know it's not the truth.”
I sucked in a breath, securing it in my lungs. When I had solidified thatfriendswas how he and I would remain, was beyond me. I didn't love the conclusion, but it was for the best. “It’s the truth.”
He wrapped his hand around my back, pulling me forward so my peaked nipples prodded his chest. “Then why has yourbreathing turned heavy? And why have your cheeks flushed from something as simple as me touching you?”
Because I knew deep down he and I would never truly be just friends. I would always love him, even if my brain wouldn't let me be with him. It was almost as if our roles had switched. Last year he claimed he couldn’t be with me due to his past, now I was claiming that I couldn't be with him due toourpast. The situation was just so messy and confusing.
“Friends,” I repeated, allowing my eyelids to fall.
His breath tickled my neck and he infused his words into my flesh. “That’s all we are? Really? Because I know your body better than mine, and I would bet my magic that if I were to dip my fingers into your panties right now, you would be wet and ready—because I think you secretly still love me.”
Gods. Could he read my thoughts? Or did he really just know me that well?
I almost choked on my own tongue. “Friends. Just friends,” I persisted, stuttering mostly to remind myself.
When I forced my eyes open he released me from the devastating touch of his body and shrugged. “You can keep telling yourself that.”
Reaching over him for my glass, I cleared my throat with a sip of whiskey as my eyes stumbled upon Pia and Kohen. They stood with their bodies pressed together, as if nothing in the entire universe could ever separate them. Kohen’s forehead dipped to hers. He placed a gentle kiss upon it, and she smiled up at him with stars sprinkled through her eyes.
I missed that.
“Back to the serious side of our conversation,” Sebastian’s voice stole my attention back, “can I ask you something? And I’m not trying to pick a fight or anything. I just need to know.”
Finishing off my drink, I muttered, “Go ahead.”
“Do you even try to see where I’m coming from, or do you automatically assume the worst of me now?” His voice held onto his composure, though a stain of sadness painted the question.
My body shook, from the buzz of the whiskey or the burn of his words, I was unsure. The mixed emotions inside myself boiled over when he slowly backed away, steadying his eyes on me.
“Sebastian…I saw the good in you when you couldn’t see it yourself. And despite what happened—” I took a moment to breathe, still trying to collect myself from his lingering touch, “—I still see the good in you now.”
His teeth raked over his bottom lip. “Are you sure?”
Distracted now by Pia’s giddy squealing, I barely mumbled out, “Positive.”
“Good.” He exhaled softly and straightened his back, as if the confirmation from me was all he needed to hear.
I nodded excruciatingly slowly while I observed Kohen and Pia dancing under the starlight. He twirled her by the tip of her finger, and for some reason unbeknownst to me, the sight made my eyes water and my nose sting.
My fingertips sparked with the cosmos, trying to release my emotions in physical form, though I fought them back with a clenched fist.
“Do you want another drink?”
“I’m going to my room,” I abruptly stated, forcing myself to my feet.
I marched towards where Delani stood with Sawyer, wiping a lone tear from my eye as I swiped a bottle of booze from his hand.
“You good?” I heard Sawyer ask, but I was already too far away to answer.
My feelings had me in a chokehold the entire walk back to the palace. “Happy belated birthday to me,” I muttered as I stormedup the spiral staircase and to my room, where I closed and locked the door.
Seeing Pia with Kohen and myfriendlyconversation with Sebastian just re-solidified the idea that he and I were really done. And although I alreadyknewthat, it felt brand new again. And it fucking crushed me because I missed having that connection with him. I missed the affection. I missed him. I just didn’t know if I had it in me to relinquish my tight hold on the past.
