“I’m not your girl,” I breathed into my knees. I didn’t even mean to say the words, but they came out in pure admission from somewhere deep within my being. I hadn’t even realized their truth until they were already spoken into existence—hadn’t realized my mind had made a decision about him and me until it was already voiced.
Sebastian's eyes darted to me, projecting with pure disbelief. “What?”
I stood up on wobbly calves and allowed the confession to break free—breakingmea little bit in the process. “I can’t trust you.”
Betrayal sprawled out along Sebastian’s face. He stepped towards me. “Don’t say that, Maeve. I know I fucked up, but you can trust me. I swear on my life that you can.”
My head shook. “No, I can’t. You’ve been hiding things from me since the very first day we met. You weren’t honest with me from the start. How am I supposed to just believe now that things have changed?”
“Because I hid those things to protect you!” Sebastian argued, tossing his open palms out to the side. “And let’s not forget whatyoujust hid from me about your new power. Youimplied that you knew how to control it, but that is clearly not the case.”
“That’s not the same.”
“How is that not the same? You knew something that you should have told me, but didn’t. Sound familiar?”
“It’s not the same because it wasn’t about you!” I yelled back, hurling my arms towards the clouds. We just had this same damn conversation. “It wasn’t about your power, it was aboutmine! The things you knew from that journal were about me andmyfamily. You knew my fucking mother was going to die and you didn’t say a godsdamn thing, Sebastian!”
“Would youreallyhave wanted to know? And really think about that before answering. Because I know if someone had told me my mother was going to die, I would have wished I didn’t know. I wouldn’t have wanted to dwell on it until the day came.”
My teeth burrowed into my tongue until I tasted salt. “It doesn’t matter what I would have wanted because you made the choice for me.” My head shook, denial setting in once more. “I could have saved her. I know I could have. And you took that away from me.”
“That’s not true, and deep down, you know it. You just refuse to admit it to yourself because you are so damn stubborn. I mean, come on, Maeve. How come everyone else can forgive me, but you can’t?”
“Probably because they weren't confiding in you. Kissing you. Sleeping with you. Telling you how in love they were with you.”
Sebastian groped the sides of his hair, tugging slightly in frustration. “You were already an anxious mess without knowing what was in that journal. Telling you would have just made it worse, and I didn’t want you to worry more than you already were. There are two sides to this.”
My eyes widened, and his followed as he realized his mistake.
Ouch.
“Well, thisanxious messhas handled more than she lets on.” I stomped towards him, deepening the angle of my eyebrows. “And regardless, you don't get to decide what I can and cannot handle. That is up tomeand no one else.”
“Anxious mess,man? Really?Badddchoice of words,” Kade chirped with a smug smirk displayed on his face.
“Shut up, Kade,” Sebastian snapped over his shoulder, then settled his gaze back on me. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that how it sounded. I just meant that you were so scared about the prophecy and your powers, that I didn’t want to add more fuel to the fire.”
“How considerate of you, Sebastian. But now instead, you’ve been fueling a whole other fire. One fueled by your bullshit and fucking lies,” I snarled, my eyes dampening with each word.
He reached out a hand to me, but I backed away.
“No,” I spat through my clamped jaw. “I have enough crap to deal with as it is. I don’t need to deal with your shitty attitude and fucked up comments, too. You’re acting just like you were when we first met, and I’m not going to tolerate it.”
He lowered his voice. “So what are you saying? You’re just giving up on us?”
“I’m not giving up, but I need time. I need to know that I can trust you, and right now, I can’t.”
His eyes hazed over with numbness. “Youjusttold me you loved me.”
“Idolove you. But sometimes love just isn’t enough.” My voice wavered with each word.
For a moment, it was as though we were alone in the woods, not a soul around aside from ours. His vision honed in on me and his voice deepened to that gravelly tone I loved so much, but broke me simultaneously. “If you want something deeply enough, love isalwaysenough.”
“I’m not sure if I believe that.”
Sebastian bit his bottom lip, nodding slowly. “Well, alright then.” He turned away from me and the rest of the group, returning to his mare.
My body shuddered with the expulsion of my tears. I didn’t realize that I was crying so hard.
