“Since it's just you and me up here, now seems like a good time to talk.”
“I don’twantto talk to you.” I allowed juvenility to claim me.
“Fine. Then I’ll talk. You can just listen,” Sebastian spoke in a low tone, though I doubted anyone would overhear with the steady clambering of hooves anyway.
“I understand why you’re mad?—”
“Do you? Do you really?” I cut in, snapping my tongue with each word.
“Yes, Maeve, I do. If the shoe was on the other foot, I’m sure I’d be upset, too. But I love you, and because of that, I would do everything in my power to try and understand.”
Gods. I wish he wouldn't say that right now. Hearing him sayI love youcould very well be the death of me.
“You're better than me, I guess.” I shuffled in the saddle, my hands sliding down lower on his stomach to steady myself as our horse ripped through a curve. “How am I supposed to trust that you're not hiding things from me now? It's not like you didn't tell me about one of your exes. You hid things aboutmy life.Things I had a right to know.”
“I thought I was protecting you.”
“You can’t protect someone from a truth they are bound to find out about, anyways.”
“I don’t know what else I can say except for how sorry I am. And I can keep reiterating my poor reasoning, but I know it doesn’t justify anything.”
“No. It doesn't,” I murmured, my eyes snagging on a shallow pond towards my right.
Sebastian cleared his throat prior to lowering his voice further. “Should I be searching for a permanent place to sleep? Because the sofa in the common room is starting to hurt my back.”
“That’s unfortunate. The mattress I’ve been sleeping on is incredibly comfortable.”
“Aren’t you lucky.” Sebastian chuckled, and though I couldn’t see his grin, I felt its presence.
After a few beats of silence, I admitted, “I just don’t think I'mreadyto talk about it yet.”
The pain that formed within me when I thought too hard about his betrayal stung so much that it hurt to breathe. So I'd been putting it off, refusing to process how I felt.
“I understand. Whenever you’re ready, I will be available.” His words finalized the conversation, allowing us to resume our ride of silence.
We rode for hours without stopping. By the time we chose to set up camp for the night, my ass and thighs were so sore that I could hardly move.
I sprang out of the saddle, landing unsteadily when my boots collided with the rocky dirt.
Sebastian wrapped his fingers around my upper arm, preventing me from face planting.
Jerking my arm free, I turned to Kade. “Please tell me that your fifth tent isn’tunwell.” I had a feeling the sick horse thing was some bullshit suggested by Sebastian.
“You’ll be happy to know that it’s in perfect health.” He tossed me the canopy and its rods. “But you have to pitch it yourself.”
I couldn’t sleep, which came as no surprise. Jensen snored like a ninety-year-old, and the stars shone so bright in this part of the forest that it almost could have been mistaken for dawn.
Despite the summer air, shivers rattled my arms when I crawled out of my tent. My footing light and airy, I crept towards the dying fire and plopped in front of it.
I enjoyed a few minutes of placidity before Sawyer's voice broke through the crackling flames.
“Can't sleep? Me either. I’m taking over Kade’s watch.”
Like roasting meat, I rotated my palms over the lingering smoke to warm them. “My body is exhausted, but my mind is on overdrive.”
He took a seat on a broken log beside me, reaching over with a twig to prod the fire. “Want to talk about it?”
“Not particularly.”
