My lips fell into a frown. “I sure hope he doesn’t do that. It’s getting cold in the evenings now.”
Sawyer snorted. “The weather should be the least of your concerns. I’d be more worried about getting eaten by a Hykah on the journey back.”
My feet kept moving, but my body felt utterly frozen. “Do you think they're out there? The Hykahs? Just wandering about the forest?”
“Probably a few. Beaumont let at least one loose to go to Lumosia. I would bet my right arm that he set more than one free.”
Sighing, I pushed open the door to Sebastian’s and my room. Sawyer stopped in the doorway, not entering until I ushered him in. “Come on. I don’t want to be stuck in here all night alone. How boring,” I whined.
He entered, closing the door behind him while I moved to a chair and threw myself back into it. “You were right. I shouldhave lied.” I blew air out in bubbles through the tight seal of my lips.
Sawyer shrugged and leaned back against the doorway, crossing his arms. “I have a tendency to be right.”
I rolled my eyes.
After playing a very competitive game of chess, flipping through a few books that had been on the desk, and taking a two hour nap on the floor of all places, we watched the evening fog roll in through the window panes, a thick layer of condensation covering the glass. I traced my finger over it, drawing stick-figures in the dew. Three little people. Sebastian, myself, and another person—smaller.
“You want kids?” Sawyer broke the dead silence that had encased us for the last hour.
With my entire body curled into the chair I sat in, I answered without looking at him. “I always did—my entire life.” I sighed, pulling my legs closer to my chest. “Now with all this shit going on, I don’t know. Selfishly, yes, I want kids. But I know that bringing a child into my mess wouldn't be fair to them.”
“Fair-schmair,” Sawyer drawled. “It’s not selfish to want the things you've always wanted. You deserve to have some say in your life; especially after all the shit you have had decided for you.”
“I suppose.” I nodded and turned to face him, where he still lay on the floor, tossing his unsheathed dagger back and forth between his hands in a dangerous game.
“Do you want kids?” I asked.
“No,” he answered before the question had even fully left my lips.
My head cocked. “Why not?”
He caught the dagger in one hand and tucked it into his thigh sheath before rolling up to sit. “Do you know how many siblings I have?”
I shook my head, having not even known that Sawyer had siblings. “How many?”
“I don’t know.”
My head shifted to the other side. “Oh?”
“I don’t know because my birth parents gave me away the moment I took my first breath. At least so I’ve been told.”
I sat up straight in my chair, giving him my full attention. “Wait, the duke isn’t your real father?”
Sawyer shook his head. “Not biologically, no.” He pushed to his feet, granting me a stern glare accompanied by a pointed finger. “That stays in this room, though. Him and my mother don’t know that I know they aren’t my birth parents.”
“What does that have to do with you not wanting children?”
His jaw tightened and relaxed a few times before he answered softly under his breath. “I would never want a child to know how it feels to not be wanted.”
My heart sank into my stomach. “But if you wanted them, then they wouldn't feel that way. I mean, I’m sorry about your birth parents and I am not trying to diminish your feelings about that, but clearly the duke and your mother wanted you. If they didn’t want a child, they wouldn’t have taken you in.”
Sawyer shuffled a little where he stood. “People lie about what they want.”
My heart fell out of my stomach, plummeting downward until it hit my toes. “Sawyer…” I stood up, speaking softly as I approached him. “Don’t say that. I’m sure that isn’t true.”
“Oh trust me, Maeve, it’s fucking true. It’s not as black and white as you think. Sometimes I swear they only took me in because it made them look good.”
I wanted to ask follow up questions on that, but refrained, as this was clearly not a topic he planned to delve deep into. I wondered if Sawyer’s typical sarcastic demeanor was simply a deflection of his true feelings.
