“No.” My voice cracked and my nose started to burn.
He shoved by me, and I cried out for him. “Sebastian, please! I’m sorry.” My tears began to pour out of me, splattering onto the floor. “I’m sorry that it took all ofthisfor me to realize that I still want you. That I stillneedyou. I’m sorry that I can’t get out of my own head and that I make stupid, rash, impulsive decisions. I’m sorry that I hurt you. I’m sorry that it took me so long to get out of my own way—ourway.”
He froze before the door.
“There is nothing I can say to excuse this. I know that. I have done nothing worthy of having you back in my life, and in truth, I don’t deserve you back anyways, but?—”
He looked over his shoulder, his hand falling static on the doorknob.
“I love you,” I sobbed, salty tears trying to drown me. “I never stopped loving you.”
“Did it mean anything to you? When you and Sawyer…” he cut his own interrogation short without bothering to look at me.
“No. Sawyer and me have never been anything more than friends. I loveyou,Seb.Only you. You are the one single person in this world that I can and will ever possibly love.”
He almost turned around, and for a split second, I thought he was going to. I prayed he would come gather me in his arms and kiss me like none of this shit between us ever happened.
But he didn't.
With a flick of his wrist, he ripped the door open and left.
Chapter
Twenty-Nine
My knees hit the ground so hard that they could have shattered.
I knew that his forgiveness was a long shot, and I didn’t blame him—not for a second. But the recognition that I had really lost him still obliterated my soul. I deserved it. I knew that. Though the reality of that knowledge was one of the most horrific feelings in the world.
My face found my hands. I tried to pull myself together so I could leave before Kohen arrived, but I didn’t foresee being able to collect myself any time soon.
Stupid. I was so fucking stupid.
Sawyer agreed that we would forget about what happened, but could we ever truly be the same? And now I’d lost Sebastian for good, and I had no one to blame but myself. This was all my own damn fault.
My eyes burned as I tried to control them. I didn’t think I had ever felt worse about myself in my entire life, and coming from someone who had fought against their own brain from the moment they were born, that was saying something.
For a few minutes, I took deep breaths, preparing myself for an audience when I left the confines of the storage room. Myentire body shook with my sobs as I forced myself up, brushing my palms against my thighs in a final attempt to gain control.
The door suddenly flew back open. Sebastian stood in its wake, his cerulean eyes pulling mine in by an invisible thread. He didn’t move, just stood there and stared at me, like he was surprised I was still here.
“Did you forget something?” I forced the words out despite the numerous voice cracks. I turned my head, trying to conceal the puffiness of my cheeks, though he knew me well enough to see right through it. Instead, my hands found each other, my fingernails picking at the skin on the side of my thumb.
Sebastian’s shaggy, dark hair brushed over his forehead with his nod. “Yes.” His lips moved, though his body did not move a muscle.
My eyes skimmed the room. Was I in his way—blocking whatever he needed? “What?”
“You.”
Within five seconds, Sebastian had a hand splayed on my lower back and his mouth against mine in an unforeseen kiss.
It was a scattered, confused kiss, but a kiss all the same. I thought I might melt into a puddle on the floor with the way my body temperature rose when at last he held me after so much time.
Disappointment flared in my skin and bones when he pulled back all too quickly, setting his frantic gaze upon my face. “You really didn’t let him fuck you?”
My eyes glimmered as I stared back at the literal perfect man holding me. “Gods no. But?—”
“I don’t care about the buts. Thank the gods.” The color ran back to his face with my answer. He cupped his hands around my face. “I’m relieved. Because you’re mine no matter what, and my cock is the only one allowed inside of you.”
