“No. Yet it’s something to hope for,” I offered. “But I need you to stop putting yourself through this kind of torment. You’re my brother. I need you to see me as whole and complete, just as I am. I see you as perfect even though you're sick.”
Ez sighed, leaning against me. “I know you’re okay with who you are, and that you’re fine with living this life. Though I wish you didn’t have to. Sometimes, being disabled really sucks. I know there are days I don’t want to be.”
“I don’t feel like that,” I responded honestly… realizing it was the truth. “I had to become broken to realize just how powerful I really am. Everything I went through was really terrible. But I’m grateful for those struggles now, in the end. It sounds silly to say, but I feel like being disabled has become my superpower. I wouldn’t be anywhere close to the person I am today without it. I’ve learned how to alchemize my weaknesses and turn them into strengths. That’s the greatest power of all.”
Ez made a skeptical noise. “I want to be grateful for what I’ve learned, but I’m not. I’m so tired of being ill, and I have my whole lifetime to go. Dad had it so much worse than me, too. I don’t know how he managed to survive this before they figured out a treatment for it. I couldn’t have done it.”
I let my head fall against his chest. “Yes you could’ve, because you’re strong, just like me.”
He blew out a breath and wrapped his arms around me. “I want to kill the Warden for what he did to you.”
“He had to do this to me, to put us on even ground. He couldn’t beat me unless I was at my weakest, because I’m so much stronger than he is.”
My tone shattered as I whispered, “Or at least… I was.”
“I still think you can beat the Warden, even without your magic.” Ez squeezed me tighter. “Your greatest strength wasn’t your powers, Ava. It’s your head.”
I huffed. “That doesn’t work, either.”
“Bipolar or not, you’re smarter than he is,” Ez affirmed. “You’ve still got an edge on him, and he hasn’t beaten you yet. Let’s make him pay for trying.”
“All I know is I’m not going to my grave unless he’s in one first.”
“Definitely.” The smile slid off his face. “Ava, what are you going to do if we find a way to defeat the Warden? Are you going to work things out with Charlie, or are you still stuck on leaving?”
I gave a pathetic laugh. “It would be easier to leave if I didn’t love him.”
Ez guffawed. “Uh… sorry? Did I hear that right?”
“You can tell me I’m being stupid. I know this situation is messed up.”
Ez nuzzled in closer. “I don’t know. I love Charlie. I love you. It’s all so complicated. I want to hurt him for hurting you, but he’s like a brother to me, too. I can’t forgive him, but I don’t want you guys to split up, either. I’d be okay if you hated him forever, and if you want a divorce, I’m cool with that. I’ll be here for whatever you need. You want to leave, I’ll help you, and I’ll punch in his face on your way out.”
I laughed. “Thanks, Ez.”
“But there’s a selfish part of me that wants to see you fix your marriage. You guys were good together, before everything went bad. He made you happy. But I don’t know if I can trust him again, after what he did.”
“I don’t know, either. I wish I had answers, and nobody’s got any. I can’t even give any answers to myself.”
“I want our Institute family back together. I’m tired of everyone being divided like this,” Ez said in frustration. “I miss our friends. I miss everybody. And I know things can’t go back to the way they were.”
Ez’s voice lightened with hope. “But I keep praying to the ancestors that they'll end up better than before. I don’t know if that’s naive of me to think, or if I’m actually on to something. I sense something big’s coming, something good. And we’ll all be happy again, though it might not seem like it.”
“We all know you’re the eternal optimist.”
Ez chuckled softly, cuddling his head against mine. “Yeah. I don’t know any other way to be.”
I hoped Ez was right. Things had never seemed bleaker, but I wanted to believe him when he said something good was coming. Something unexpected.
I just didn’t know if whatever’s coming would be good for me.
I’d been so down lately, but having the hockey game— and a surprise engagement party— to look forward to helped get my mind off things. I put everything out of my mind to focus exclusively on Kallie, because that’s what she deserved. When she heard I’d gotten us tickets to the game, she’d run around cheering and nearly fell into the pool in the Ladies’ Court.
We spent the morning getting ready for the game. I helped Kallie make a giant sign that read Puck My Fae Stick, which she was very proud of.
Kallie helped braid my hair into two plaits. She wanted to do hers to match, but no way in hell was I letting her walk out of here for her engagement without looking absolutely stunning. I ordered her to sit in front of my vanity and gave her big looping curls. She donned pink eyeshadow in the shade of the fae team’s jerseys, then put on a tight t-shirt with the fae team’s logo, along with tight shorts and knee-high socks with high-top sneakers.
She looked absolutely stunning. I knew Marcus was going to come in his pants the second he saw her.
