“What exactly are you suggesting?” Eddie sneered. I’d never heard him be so aggressive. It was shocking, coming from his gentle nature.
“You know exactly what I mean,” Alistair shot back. “We could’ve handled the Warden and had this war over with, but Cassiel showed up at those camps and held us back, then got himself killed. I don’t know why everyone’s crying over a guy who chose his own death. It was a dumb way to die, if you ask me.”
The air in my lungs dwindled. I’d thought the same thing once… that if Cassiel hadn’t shown up, then we could’ve killed the Warden. It sounded horrible coming out of someone else’s mouth, and I realized just how fucked up it was for such a thing to ever cross my mind. If my grandfather hadn’t rescued us, we all would’ve been dead, because the Warden would’ve killed us. He’d sacrificed himself for us, and Alistair was throwing that offering back in his face.
“Are you a psychopath, Alistair? Truly, tell me!” Eddie raged. “This is my Emperor and my culture— the two things that are the most important to me. You’re my partner, and should respect that! How can I share my people and heritage with you if you’re so cruel? Do you care nothing for my customs or beliefs?”
“Come on, Eddie, you know I didn’t mean it like that,” Alistair insisted. “I’m just saying maybe Cassiel’s death doesn’t have to be so sad. I’m trying to make you feel better.”
Eddie snorted. “You have quite a way of showing it. Trying to diminish my people’s pain does nothing to help.”
I heard Alistair take several steps away. “Sorry, Eddie, but your culture is stupid. You think you’d want to get out of it, since Cameron keeps making you simp after a wacko like Charlie. If you want to keep playing this game, fine, but I’m not going to keep playing it with you. I’m done.”
Rage ignited through my body, making it so I almost lost control. Alistair was looking for an ass beating, and he was going to get it. He wasn’t allowed to talk about me or my grandpa like that, let alone speak down to Eddie, who loved this fucker to pieces— though I couldn’t imagine why.
My hands curled into fists, and I went to step around the pillar. I didn’t get far, because Oberi grabbed my pant leg between his teeth. Take a moment to breathe. You don’t want to do this.
Heat flared over my skin, until my palms were sweaty. I shoved at Oberi, but he didn’t let me go. You don’t get to tell me what I want.
Right now, I really wanted to twist Alistair into a pretzel. I could hear his footsteps fading in the opposite direction. If Oberi didn’t let me go now, I’d miss my chance to pummel his face in while defending my seanari’s honor.
I can remind you that you decided to make different choices moving forward, Oberi pressed. Is this how you want to honor your grandfather at his funeral, by causing harm to one of your friends? We’re all hurting, including Alistair. Cassiel would choose to extend grace, because even though Alistair’s being a shithead, he’s still our ally. Think about how you want to handle this, because you promised you were going to be better moving forward.
I didn’t get a chance to respond before my father began wailing from inside the ballroom, boasting so everyone could hear.
“My father was a grand Emperor, but I can promise you that I will be even greater!” Cameron slurred drunkenly. “Now he’s left this nation to me, I’ll do what needs to be done for my empire!”
My father would never be able to measure up to Cassiel. For him to stand here at my seanari’s funeral and make this all about him was a clear indication of that.
I wasn’t going to follow in his footsteps. I had the opportunity to make a choice here— to extend the grace my grandfather would’ve chosen, or react on selfish instinct like my father often did. As difficult as it was, I’d decided to put a stop to my descent into villainy. That meant following my grandfather’s example.
Oberi was right, as much as I didn’t want him to be. None of us were in the right headspace right now, and fucking Alistair up was only going to make everything worse. I’d leave him to sulk back to his quarters. Maybe a few nights alone would make him rethink where he stood.
“Fine. You win,” I told Oberi bitterly. “Just take me back in there, before I do something stupid.”
I put Alistair out of my mind, because he didn’t deserve an ounce of my attention right now. Everything I had left, I would dedicate to my grandfather tonight.
Oberi led me back inside, where my friends were sharing stories of Cassiel. No one acknowledged that I’d left, or that I’d returned, and I preferred it that way. I think they could tell, because no one tried to coax out some sort of conversation.
For me, there were no words that would ever be enough. And I didn’t need them. My grandfather knew exactly how to speak my language— with food. He knew I hadn’t had enough to eat as a child, and had to go hungry often. Through this gesture of the fruit, he’d gifted us hope, and that was more love than I could ever receive through words alone.
I picked up the fruit I’d left there and bit into it. The fruit tasted as if it had been gifted by the goddesses themselves. It had a sweet skin with a soft inner flesh reminiscent of a peach, but with the sweetness of fresh pears. Delectable juice flowed from the fruit with each bite, running down my chin as I tried to lap up every bit of rare sweetness I could. It’d been a long time since I’d had the appetite to eat anything, but I cherished this gift that had come from Ava, for it was her connection to Spirit that caused the fruit to bloom. This was a final way to say goodbye to my grandfather, and I wouldn’t let it rot.
It wasn’t enough to make up for our loss, but it was enough encouragement to get me to rethink a few things. I’d made a lot of mistakes lately, one of which had gotten my seanari killed.
But maybe, like this fruit, there was a way to make it better again. I’d chosen to spare Alistair from my wrath in the hall, and perhaps that could be the first of many choices I’d make to become something better than the horrible person I’d been recently. Things could never go back to the way they were… but maybe they could be something new.
Heavy footsteps landed on a nearby table as someone climbed on top of it. I felt flecks of wine droplets hit my face as someone sloshed their tankard around, throwing their arms back. “This funeral doesn’t have to be a sordid affair! I am your Emperor now. Trust in me alone, and forget the mistakes of our past!”
The Elves around the room said nothing, frightened as they were. They knew if they mentioned that this was inappropriate, Cassiel wouldn’t be the only one we’d bury tonight.
Cameron continued, bemoaning and making a spectacle greater than any show I’d ever witnessed. “Cassiel’s passing will be mourned, but I will live on in the hearts of our people forever! I shall become the last of our monarchy, a blazing glory that will be written about in history once Ophio Taurus brings the Elves to our end!”
Ava gave a forced laugh, as if she thought Cameron’s words were nothing but one big joke.
Ava’s been watching Cameron all night, Oberi noted to me. Her eyes haven’t left his. They’re burning.
With what?
