Because that’s what I was really mad about. He hadn’t just taken my magic. He’d destroyed our marriage. Even if I’d had a hand in it, Charlie had been the one to crush our relationship. I didn’t know how to move on from that.
“Either way, sleeping with strangers isn’t going to help,” Taylin pointed out. “This guy sounds like he’s crazy about you.”
“He wants to fight for us. I don’t think there’s anything left to fight for.”
“You don’t know me, so my advice shouldn’t count for shit,” Taylin said. “But you really want to know what I think?”
I looked up at him, and Taylin said, “Go home and try to work it out. Because the way I see it, if you’ve got something special like that, it’s worth exhausting all your options. And if you were really done with him, you wouldn’t have stopped me from kissing you. So even if you don’t want to admit it to yourself, there’s still something there. Just don’t give up. Not until you’re ready to let him go for good.”
“You’ve got a lot of perspective on this for a single guy.”
“My parents were divorced. It was a miserable time.”
“Were?”
“Yeah. They got back together, but they wasted twenty years fighting about shit that doesn’t matter,” Taylin said. “And by that time, I was grown and finished with it all. Divorce has the potential to ruin families. It’s okay if you want to leave, and if it’s going to bring you peace, then maybe it’s the right decision. But it’s okay if you want to fight for your spouse, too. You’re the only one who can make that choice, and nobody should shame you for whatever decision you make. But by the way you talk about him…”
Taylin blew out a long breath. “I wish I had something like that. A lot of people do.”
His response was genuine and honest. “Thanks, Taylin. You’re a really good person. I’m glad I met you.”
“I’m just happy to help. You need a ride back to your place?”
“My friend can pick me up,” I said, thinking about how funny it would be if Taylin pulled up to the palace to drop me off. “Thanks, anyway. I hope you find what you’re looking for, Taylin.”
“Yeah. You, too.”
I called Eldin. Taylin looked pretty damn impressed by my fancy ass sportscar, but didn’t say anything, just waved farewell as we drove away.
The potion wore off once I got back to the palace. It was far past midnight by now, so I dismissed Eldin, as she needed to sleep. Another guard took her place for the night, though I told her to watch the entry to the tower so I could get a spare moment to breathe.
I was seriously thinking about following Taylin’s advice, going to Charlie and trying to talk this out instead of screaming at each other. I didn’t know if it would help at all, but at least I could make the effort.
But when I got back to our quarters, I heard voices. More specifically, Charlie’s voice. I wasn’t sure who he was talking to, but something held me back from interrupting. I paused with the door cracked open, holding my breath.
“I hate myself,” he uttered, sounding completely shattered. “But you know what? I hate her, too.”
I thought I’d known what devastation was. Nothing I’d been through so far came close to hearing those words escape his lips. A mouth that had once so dutifully proclaimed I was his alone had said he’d hated me, and meant it this time.
I didn’t belong here. I didn’t belong anywhere.
I slowly closed the door, and it clicked beside me. I turned my wheels, tears streaming down my face as I ran from my life, my problems… everything.
My husband despised me. I bet it wouldn’t be long before he left this room, going out to search for some other girl who could take his pain away.
I wouldn’t blame him if he tried. After all, I’d gone looking for someone else, and miserably failed.
Once I realized that— truly comprehended what I’d tried to do— the full weight of what had happened slammed into me.
Ancestors. I'd almost cheated on Charlie.
Misery, plain and cruel, overcame every part of me. I lost the person I had seen myself as, and turned into someone I didn’t recognize overnight.
This was no longer about Charlie. This was about me, because I was mortified that I’d allowed myself to sink so low merely because of what he did. No matter how he treated me, I expected better from myself. I didn’t think I was this kind of person, but now I realized that anyone could fall from grace if only the right circumstances presented themselves.
That knife Monica had taken to the gut should’ve been mine. I should’ve taken the place of any one of those kids that had perished in the Darke Games. I had died in the Infernal Underground, then cheated death when I came back. My time of dying had been written, and because I’d manipulated the laws of nature to my will, bringing hell to earth was my prize.
Not anymore. I was making this right.
