“Do you want any help?” I shouldn’t have asked. I berated myself for doing so the second I did, but still, I couldn’t help it. I had to keep offering whatever I could, just for her.
I thought she would refuse my request, but her response was almost immediate. “Okay.”
I stood, then reached out to pick her up. Her skin bristled the moment I touched her, yet it wasn’t in reluctance, but pain. She was too sore to sit in her chair right now. She didn’t have to tell me, because I was aware automatically. We knew each other so well.
I cradled her against my body, moving into the bathroom. She let her head fall against my chest, and I laid her on a curved lounge chair that was beside the clawfoot tub. I got the tub running, then began taking off various plates of armor. I set them aside as I removed pieces of clothing, uncaking the mud that was stuck to her skin.
Ava did nothing to help, just let her limbs hang limply in my grasp as I completely undressed her.
She was so tired. I had to do what I could to take the burden off of her, because she was carrying an entire empire now all by herself.
I didn’t think she had the strength to sit up in a bathtub, so instead, I dipped a cloth into the warm water and began lightly scrubbing her skin, cleaning her of the blood, the dirt, the violence of this realm. I washed her arms, her torso and her legs, taking special care to cleanse her exquisite face and clean her long, soft hair. Nothing should ever soil her appearance, because she was radiant.
I was aware of a warm sensation upon my skin as the sunset shone through the bathroom window, but not much else as I focused on cleansing her from the sins of the world. I dipped a smaller basin into the water of the tub then knelt to wash her feet, placing them in the water and scrubbing the last of the dirt away. Ava made a pleasant sound, like she was pleased.
“Something amusing?” I asked.
“You’re just… bathed in sunlight. The beams have made a halo around your head. It nearly looks like a painting. You’re beautiful.”
“I’m not anywhere close to being as beautiful as you are, and I never will be.” I set the basin aside. Ava was clean now, and there was nothing left for me to do for her. This was where we ended.
I stood. “I’m grateful for everything we shared. Thank you, Ava. For all you’ve done for me.”
My feet dragged me away from her before my soul was ready to go, but before I could take another step, her hand was on my wrist.
“Wait.” My dead heart leapt to life as Ava rasped, “I just want one more time.”
She’d asked me for this before, but that had been different. What she was requesting now was intentional, and we both knew it was, because there would never be another time after this. Still, the jarring lump in my throat eased as I managed to whisper, “So do I.”
I wrapped one arm around her middle, lifting her up to me as I kissed her mouth. She flung her arms around my neck, dragging me closer to her as her tongue intertwined with mine. Her body pressed against my own was the only thing I wanted in the entire world, and my spirit couldn’t understand why I was giving this up.
My heart did, though. Because in the end, nothing was more important than her.
Her hands tangled in my hair, yanking at the strands as I carried her back to the bedroom. We fell onto the sheets, collapsing onto the mattress as our mouths remained fused together. She fumbled to get my clothes off of me, tearing at the buttons, while I removed my pants. I wanted to be completely naked next to her, so I could imprint the sensation of her skin against mine within my memory and revisit this moment as often as I wanted until the second I died. I kissed her so deeply we didn’t need to breathe, my hand between her legs so for just one moment, she could forget the rest of the world and only focus on us.
I reached down to rub her, gently massaging her at the same time she went to stroke me. We dragged out the moment, touching each other in long and intentional movements to build to something greater. She gasped against my neck and I moaned into her hair, able to focus only on the feeling of her fingers wrapped around me. We didn’t have to say anything, because right now, all we needed was to feel.
I wanted to taste her so badly. I ran my lips down her collarbone, over her breasts, sucking her nipples into my mouth before I skimmed lower, holding her hands in mine as I kissed her thighs, darting across her center. Ava squeezed my hands, telling me all she wanted was more of this. I unraveled her with my tongue until she couldn’t think straight, enjoying the sensation of her squirming underneath me as she panted for air.
I wanted her to be louder, so I could reminisce on her music endlessly. She wasn’t mine anymore, but she’d been mine for years, and would be mine for the rest of the night, so I needed to make her remember. I built up a rhythm until she was crying my name, begging me to be inside of her.
We both wanted to drag this out for as long as we could make it last, but neither of us could stand to wait any longer. I pulled her underneath me, lying on top of her as our conjoined hands bunched in the sheets together.
I slid in as I whispered, “I missed you,” going as deep as I could.
Ava arched against me. “I missed you more.”
I went as slow as I possibly could, but even so, the intensity was stronger than it ever had been. We’d experimented for hours together in the Sanctuary and never been closer than this. Every movement of her body and mine became intoxicating. If we could make love forever and do nothing else, I would be content with that.
“Charlie.” Ava called my name, and whatever was left of my mind was lost. She dragged me closer as we finished at the same time, meeting the same delirious high. Her raspberry scent wrapped around me, healing my soul and breaking it apart all at once. We shared an infinite kiss, one that didn’t have enough time, before our fractured gasps told us that it was finally time for me to leave.
I still laid on top of her, blinking rapidly. I didn’t want to go.
I had to. I couldn’t stay here and hold her, or I’d be wrecked. I managed to rip myself apart from her, reaching for my clothes with shaking hands.
Ava laid on the bed, silent as death. When I was finally done dressing, she asked, “Charlie?”
I turned toward her, because from the start, she was always the worst I had to face. I knew from the first day I’d met her Ava-Marie would ruin me. I just didn’t know how badly. “Loving you is the only good thing I’ve done with my life,” I confessed. “You’re the only person I’ll ever love.”
