“You better not,” she warned. “It’s okay, Charlie. I’m ready to let her go.”
She wasn’t. She never would be. I wasn’t sure how I was going to get that armband back, but I’d figure out a way to do it that didn’t hurt anyone, only help everybody involved.
Ava reached out for me, and something weird happened then— something so natural I didn’t think either of us noticed. I found myself lowering myself to the bed beside her, and Ava stroked her fingers through my hair, welcoming me in.
I lay near, taking in her warmth and the slow rhythm of her breath. “I’ll find a way to restore your possessions. I promise. Then we’ll be able to bring our baby home and be a family.”
It was all I ever wanted, and she knew it, too. Her fingers stilled in my hair, and she shifted to wrap her arms around me. By the ancestors, it felt amazing to be so close to her. I never wanted this… us… to end.
It would kill me if it did.
Chapter Twenty-Two
AVA-MARIE
We’d made a ton of progress on the island, but now that we were back home, we had to face the inevitable truth of what reconstructing our marriage looked like in the real world. I worried a part of what we’d shared together within the woods had to stay there, because I didn’t know how the pieces we’d worked to repair would fit into our lives here.
On that island, I’d been so focused on restoring our love that it hadn’t crossed my mind what we’d do with Casey once we got back. I hadn’t held Casey since my mom had asked me to. It still felt strange every time I looked at him. It was easier to think of him as Charlie’s baby, and not mine. It was getting close to the point where Casey would be able to leave the NICU and come home, and I didn’t know what I was going to do then. He’d be moved into Charlie’s quarters, obviously, and we’d be sharing the same space all the time. I wouldn’t be able to avoid him.
But I already felt like a stranger in my own home, and I worried that inviting Casey in would make me feel pushed out. Like there wasn’t enough room for all of us in Charlie’s life.
It was okay if Casey took my spot. He was a baby, and he’d done nothing wrong. If there was only so much to go around, he deserved that. I just wasn’t sure how to rearrange my life— our life— so that everything would fit. It didn’t seem like I could.
But I had to, because that’s what Charlie and I did. We always found a way, and if what happened on that island was any indication, then we’d figure it out in the midst of our healing. I had to remain optimistic about that.
My worries only grew when I awoke that morning to find Charlie already out of bed and getting dressed. We hadn’t fooled around last night, and I missed it. We were still too worried about connecting through intimacy that neither of us had tried.
“Where are you off to this early?” I asked.
Charlie buttoned his collar. “The doctors summoned us for a meeting. They said Casey will be ready to come home tomorrow. They want us in for a consultation, and to sign the paperwork to release him. Isn’t that great?”
Charlie wore a bright smile that only made me crumble. He was elated that we were going to be a family, which I knew was everything to him.
It worried me. I’d given him a baby, but could I give him a family?
My throat closed around my words. “Charlie… I can’t go.”
He rushed to sit beside me on the bed. He took my hand and squeezed it. “I know this isn’t easy. But we’ll make it through this together.”
Charlie was acting like everything would go back to normal now, like nothing had changed.
But it had. Everything had changed.
“I’m just… not ready to deal with this,” I admitted.
He nodded. “That’s okay. Only one of us needs to be there. I’ll go, so you don’t have to.”
Charlie didn’t understand what I was saying, and it wasn’t because I was holding myself back. I couldn’t put my thoughts into words, because I didn’t quite understand how I felt. I wished that I could open my heart to him like we had on the island, so he could see everything I couldn’t say, but all I could manage to choke out was, “Thanks.”
“Don’t mention it.” Charlie stood. “Um… you can wear some of my clothes, if you want. I know they won’t fit well, but it might be better than wearing the same dress you have been for a while.”
There was no way I was doing that. They’d smell like him, and it would drive me mad. My feminine side prodded me to say yes, but the masculinity in me demanded it wasn’t safe, so I said, “I’m fine. Thanks for the offer, though.”
“Oh. Okay. Um… I’ll see you later.” Charlie shoved his hands into his suit pockets and gave an awkward nod before leaving the room.
For fuck’s sake, this was insane. Charlie and I had done so much work to get back to a good place, so why couldn’t I just accept this and move forward with him? I needed to think.
Charlie and I had to be more alike than I thought, because if there was one thing that helped him when his head wasn’t screwed on straight, it was sinking his fists into a punching bag. I figured I’d try sinking my knives into a target.
