He moved closer, and she hooked his elbow underneath my right knee. “Pull up gently on her leg. You need to widen that pelvis.” Mama smiled slightly, like what she’d said was an inside joke to herself. She moved to place Charlie’s free hand at the right spot on my back, adjusting his arms so he could pull my leg up higher.
“Like this?” Charlie pushed down behind my hip, and though I couldn’t feel much, I sensed relieved pressure.
“Yes, just like that. You’re doing wonderful, Charlie.”
“Some praise for me would be nice,” I grunted.
Charlie didn’t respond to my joke, but remained focused as he continued to hold my leg and widen my hips. Throughout this whole labor, he’d moved to do whatever was needed, whenever he was asked without too many questions. Mama just showed him what to do, and he did it.
I hated that I was falling for him all over again. I wasn’t supposed to. I’d promised myself not to.
I did.
Luana was seated on a stool beside me. She ducked her head to prepare for delivery. If her hands were on me, I didn’t feel it, but just witnessing the intensity of her features made this all too real. I couldn’t watch. My eyes stung, worried that this was really happening and there was no turning back now.
I’d made so many terrible mistakes in my life. How was I going to be a decent mother?
Oberi saw my teary eyes and moved to the side of the bed beside Charlie. He pressed against the side of it. I grasped on to his fur, stroking his soft coat and trying to focus on the sensation of his hair instead of the all-encompassing demands of my body.
Oberi nosed at my arms, giving me a soft lick. Breathe. Charlie’s here.
My throat tightened. Had I just heard Oberi?
No. Couldn’t be. I was making it up. It was just the voices in my head that were messing with me.
Voices or not, they were right. If Charlie was here, I could get through it. I just had to look into his eyes and be reassured. He wouldn’t know I was gazing into them, so I could look all I wanted. Somehow, this would be okay.
“Go ahead and start pushing, Ava,” Mama encouraged. “It’s time.”
I tried, but I wasn’t sure if I was actually doing anything. I didn’t feel any bodily sensations to start, just did what my mom said. I could tell my body was starting to experience the blowback of labor, though. I was growing exhausted, wanting to sleep more than anything else. A part of me wished to give up and quit, though I knew that wasn’t an option. I had to see this through, for myself and my child.
“Is the baby coming out?” I asked weakly. I wasn’t sure how much longer I could keep up my feeble attempts at pushing.
“Yes. You’re doing very well,” Mama said. “It doesn’t look like we’ll have to use forceps. Keep going.”
Despite my body being so weary, I felt so strong. The women of my tribe had gone through this ritual for thousands of years, and now I was joining them, becoming a part of something sacredly ancient. I did my very best, falling into a trance as I pushed whenever my mother said to. I had to— I couldn’t feel the contractions coming, so verbal commands were all I had. I felt entirely grounded into my body, and was barely cognizant of the people rushing around me. All I could focus on was the effort to keep pushing, the sensation of Oberi’s fur… and Charlie.
Though it was tough going. I’d been pushing for an hour, and yet, no baby.
“She’s getting tired, Charlie.” I heard my mom’s voice from somewhere far off. “You need to encourage her.”
“I’m not going anywhere,” Charlie said, hugging my leg closer. “I’ve got you.”
“Do you?” I managed to breathe the words out. He’d let me down before, so who knew if he’d come through now, even after sticking with me through all of this?
“Of course I do. I’ll always catch you before you fall,” Charlie insisted. “We’re a team, right?”
We were. The best team that ever was, me and him. And the worst.
“The head’s out. You’re nearly there,” Mama coaxed. “Push one more time, Ava.”
I couldn’t. I was worn out and throwing in the towel. I didn’t care anymore if I died here, because I was so tired I felt like I would. I just wanted to close my eyes and rest. My mother slightly shook me, but I didn’t care.
“Come on, pidge,” I heard Charlie plead. “One more time.”
Pidge. I tried with everything I had left. Although I hadn’t registered any pain, my body instantly sagged into the mattress, as if it could sense the hardest part was done.
“He’s here,” Mama said.
