Eventually, the doctors left to run some tests. Eddie waited outside, anxiously poking his head in every few seconds like he thought news of my condition would pop into the air of its own accord.
I didn’t know what was wrong, but I was dreading the idea of going through another treatment or spending a couple of weeks in the hospital. Maybe the Warden had picked a good time to show up, after all. I would rather die than go through another surgery. I’d had my fill of them. It wasn’t like I would wake up from it afterward, anyway, because the Warden would get here by the time they were done operating.
It only took a few minutes before a couple of doctors entered, and nobody looked happy. On the contrary, they appeared worried I’d order their heads to roll once they delivered whatever bad news they had.
“What’s wrong?” If I was corking off, I needed to hurry up and get it over with. Since the Warden was coming, there were more important things for these people to worry about than me.
The first doctor swallowed, coming forward. “You’re bleeding from your cervix.”
“Okay, so stop the bleeding.”
The doctor shook her head. “We can’t. You’re too far along in the process.”
“What are you talking about?” My mind went blank.
“Cervical bleeding is a sign of pre-term labor, princess,” the doctor said in an apologetic tone. “Did you not know you were expecting?”
Oberi laid down on the floor, covering his eyes with his paws. Charlie stood stock still. I blinked a few times, because I didn’t think I’d heard her right. “I’m sorry, you said you can’t stop it… why?”
“If you had come in sooner, we could’ve given you a progesterone shot, or a cerclage to stop the cervix from opening. But it looks like the fetus has already dropped, and is on its way out of the uterus,” the doctor replied. “This far along, there’s no way for us to avoid a premature birth.”
Was she speaking a different language? I didn’t comprehend any of it.
“Are you saying… she’s pregnant?” Charlie asked hoarsely.
The doctor nodded grimly. “Yes. By the looks of things, the princess is in active labor.”
Something struck me. Active. Labor. Those two words made me understand exactly what was happening.
“What the FUCK!!!” I screamed at the top of my lungs. The doctors cringed, and Charlie blanched.
“How— this can’t—” Charlie stuttered. “This can’t be happening, right?”
“Yep, this is what we do! The worst possible thing at the worst possible fucking time!” I’d never been madder in my entire life. If I could punch Charlie’s lights out right now, I would.
Armor clinked in the halls as Eddie ran away. I could hear him screaming bloody terror as he yelled, “Mister and Mrs. Mitoh!!!”
Thank the ancestors somebody was looking for my parents. Good luck finding them in the mess outside.
Charlie tore at his hair. “I don’t know how this could’ve happened!”
“I do, seeing as how we used to screw multiple times a day, every day!” I hissed.
“It shouldn’t have been possible! I was on birth control!” Charlie shot back.
“Awesome, because that worked!” Now here I was, giving birth to this idiot’s demon spawn, because he’d knocked me up.
“Now’s not the time for arguing. We need to keep the mother calm,” the doctor said gently.
“I can’t keep calm! I’M HAVING A SPONTANEOUS BABY!” I was sure they could hear me yelling halfway across the palace.
The doctor continued to soothe. “We’re fully prepared to handle a high-risk labor, and we have equipment prepped and waiting for an unexpected delivery. Elvish women give birth in this hospital all the time. As the princess, you’ll be given the best of care. We have a midwife skilled in the labor and delivery of women with spinal injuries, so this process will be as easy for you as possible.”
I barely listened to her, because this situation was just about perfect. We had nothing ready— no nursery, no crib. The walls in the baby room would probably be the wrong color, and none of the outfits would match?—
What was I thinking? The Warden was pounding down our door, and here I was stressing that the onesies wouldn’t be coordinated for the baby I didn’t want. This was it! This baby announcement had broken my brain in half. I was officially nuts.
An Elementai woman with long white hair entered, wearing scrubs. Her luna moth Familiar sat on her shoulder, softly batting her wings.
