Charlie didn’t tell me I was wrong. It scared me as much as it wounded me. My intuition, on that part at least, had been right.
“If you became capable of doing what you did, and I had that kind of response to it, we shouldn’t be together. We just destroy things. We can’t just protect the world from the Warden. We need to protect the world from each other, and from us, because we’re terrible together. We didn’t want to admit it, but we can’t stay blind to it anymore. This relationship is toxic. It’s wrong. So I’m ending it. We aren’t good for each other, so it’s time to separate. I’m sick of reviving it, bringing it back from the dead and trying to fight for it. This thing between us is twisted and deranged, but it’s not love. So just let it die.”
“Ava—”
“No! I’m done with it. There’s no point in trying to make this marriage work. We’ve tried to find a way to be together, but all we do along the way is manipulate and hurt each other, and that’s no kind of marriage. I won’t let you boss me around. I won’t let you control me, and I won’t allow you to abuse me further. I’m taking what little I have left and leaving you. Now sign these godsdamn papers!”
“I’m not fucking signing anything!” Charlie screamed.
His chest heaved as his shoulders shook. Stubborn resentment took over my limbs, moving them for me as I grabbed my wheels to roll away. “Fine. I don’t need your signature to leave. It’s just going to take longer.”
Oberi gave another whine, but I pretended not to hear it— a thing that gutted me to do. I left Charlie’s quarters, and he didn’t follow me.
It was the middle of the night by now. Everything was dark, a color that matched the shade of my blackened heart. I wished it’d stop beating.
My guard was waiting where I’d left her. “Eldin, take me into the city.”
She frowned. “I don’t think that’s a good idea, princess.”
“It’s what has to be done.” During the argument, I hadn’t been able to admit to myself that I’d done wrong. But now that I wasn’t facing Charlie, I needed to bear witness to that which I didn’t wish to see.
Eldin drove me into Ilamanthe. The moment we left the palace grounds, gut-wrenching shame bloomed all over my body. The majority of the massacre inside the palace had been from Charlie’s rebellion, but what had happened in the city itself was all on me.
Buildings and homes had been completely torn down, reduced to nothing but rubble. Skyscrapers lay toppled over, businesses destroyed. Some places were still on fire, and the Elves desperately rushed to put them out.
There had to be thousands dead, guessing from the carnage that could be seen on nearly every street. Bodies littered the sidewalks, and the faces of those walking around were covered in dust from the buildings collapsing. The Elves wandered the remains, calling for their families and loved ones, grieving for the beautiful city they’d built that had been lost.
It would’ve been better for all of them if I’d never been born. Whole monarchies had never killed this many people during their entire reign as I had in one day.
I was no ruler. I was a tyrant, and I’d made my people pay the price for a crime they hadn’t committed. It was a deranged, worthless gesture to try and make it so they didn’t feel suffering at all. Now I was the one inflicting suffering upon them, and there was no turning my face away from that reality.
When we got to the center of the city, I told Eldin to stop. She helped me out of the car and into my chair. I began maneuvering the city streets, avoiding the debris.
I expected the Elves to attack me, to cry for my head and take my crown away, but they did no such thing. Instead, they bowed out of my way, whispering words of reverence as their gazes were downcast in shame… as if they deserved this.
“The princess has passed her judgement.”
“Whatever she may decide, we will accept with grace.”
“May the Holy Mother’s will be imposed upon us all.”
They were praising me for what I’d done, as if I was a malevolent god that had the right to cast damnation upon these people.
Eldin led me to an area of the city that was the most damaged. We passed by a mansion that lay in tatters. An Elven woman climbed out of the wreckage, her voice wailing in pain as she clung to a bloody bundle in her arms.
“How can I help?” I asked, extending my arms. It seemed so fruitless and vain for me to ask that, because I’d been dead set on condemning her mere hours before. But in the face of her pain, which I had to observe instead of ignore now that I was no longer on that beach, my reserve to end all things crumbled.
What I’d done had been wrong. I needed to try and fix this.
The woman fell before me onto her knees, sobbing. “Princess, you are the symbol of our goddesses upon this earth. I thank you, that you have found me worthy to teach me this great lesson.”
“Teach…” My voice faded as a portion of the cloth fell away from the bloody bundle. It revealed the gray face of an infant, pale with death.
He’d been suffocated by the mansion once it’d collapsed. Even if I had my magic back, I couldn’t save this baby. He was already gone.
Something deep within my abdomen wretched and convulsed. The woman clutched her baby, rasping, “I understand your judgement upon our city. We Elves have been sinful and selfish, but we will be devoted to your desires from now on. We have earned your wrath, and we accept it graciously. If it’s for you, princess, I’ll sacrifice anything. Even if it’s my only son.”
The woman bowed away, like she didn’t see herself fit to bow in my presence, limping off to bury her son. I was aware there were tears falling from my eyes, but didn’t feel them.
