“But?” Mama asked softly.
“But…” I sighed. “I’m so afraid. Iknowthis is the right choice, but it’s like my ego is telling me not to take the chance… because if I’m in love, there’s a risk I could get hurt.”
I could articulate some of my feelings now, because I’d been thinking about them all morning. Charlie had hurt me once before. What if he did so again? I didn’t think that would happen, but I was also afraid of proclaiming my love to him in front of the world, then running the risk of being told I was wrong. My intuition told me he was the only man I would ever love, but what if my intuition sent me astray?
“Don’t let your anxiety talk you out of taking a wonderful leap of faith,” Mama said, and she kissed my cheek. “Sometimes, it’s the most terrifying thing in the world, to follow our hearts and do what we know we’ve been fated to do. Do you believe you and Charlie are destined to be together?”
I nodded. “Absolutely. There’s no doubt.”
“Then love him no matter what comes,” Mama encouraged, squeezing my shoulders. “A long time ago, your grandmother told me the more I opened up to your father, the more he would open up to me. It’ll be the same for you and Charlie. If you open up to him, and give him your heart freely, you can trust that he’ll keep it safe. Keeping your heart closed and trying to protect yourself isn’t going to prevent you from experiencing pain, my daughter. In fact, it’s more painful tobealone. Closing him off will hurt him just as much as it’ll hurt you. Even if someone you love does something to shatter your heart, what matters is if he’ll be there to pick up all the pieces, and mend them together again. I know Charlie is that person for you. All you have to dois believe it for yourself, and trust that if pain comes, it’ll pass to transform into happiness again.”
I nodded. “I understand. You’re so wise, Mama.”
“Wisdom gained from being married to your father all these years,” she quipped. She grabbed the curtain and said, “Now, are you ready?”
I nodded. When the curtain was pulled back, my bridesmaids immediately started crying.
“Oh, precious, you look so lovely!” Ivy wept, and they dotted at their eyes with a handkerchief before giving me a hug. Other girls swarmed around me, weeping and saying how spectacular I looked.
I knew I’d never appeared so divine. My gown made me feel powerful, strong, and beautiful. Even though my emotions were fighting me, I warred back, because I refused to allow my anxiety and fear to ruin this incredible day.
The time for the ceremony was getting closer. As the bridesmaids rushed to grab their bouquets, Kallie took my hands and squeezed them. “Ava, that dress describes every part of who you are. You’ve definitely found your place in the world since becoming a princess.”
“I hope so.” I gave a troubled sigh. “I just hope I don’t mess this up.”
Kallie’s eyebrows knitted together in concern. “Are you getting cold feet?”
“No,” I said, but it felt like a lie. “I mean, I don’t know. Something feelsoff.”
I nearly tangled a hand in my hair, until I remembered that we’djustgotten it perfect, so I forced my hand to remain in my lap.
“Everyone out! Give the princess some time to relax before we begin!” Elrye cried. “The ceremony will commence in a half-hour. Places, everyone!”
My bridesmaids rushed out of the suite. Kallie stayed behind and squeezed my hands again. “Whatever happens, today, tomorrow, or in the future, you’re going to be okay. Any decision you make, right or wrong, is going to lead you to be the woman you’re going to become. Charlie loves you more than life itself, and I know you feel the same way about him. There’s nothing to worry about, not when you two have been through hell and back and come back stronger every time. If there’s anything you two have taught me, it’s that love always wins.”
I felt the tension in my gut lessen significantly. “You’re right, Kallie. Thank you for being here.”
“You’re welcome.” Kallie’s face became troubled as she added, “Even though I feel like I’m taking Monica’s place, in a spot that was meant for her. I’m sorry she’s not with you today, because she should be.”
“You’re not replacing anyone. You’re uplifting and supporting me,” I said firmly. “I know Monica is here in spirit, but she can’t be here for me today like you can, not in the same way. And I miss her today… more than I’ve ever missed her in my entire life.”
My voice cracked, because it was true. I knew part of the reason I felt so awful is because it was unfair Monica wasn’t here today. I’d had to rush into the bathroom after my hair was styled to break down and cry, because I missed her so much. It wasso fucking wrongshe wasn’t here, because I wanted her at my side more than anything on my wedding day. I wanted to watch her expression as I showed her my dress, see her tears as I came down the aisle, reach out to touch her as I adjusted her bridesmaid crown. I was mad at the ancestors, the gods, and the universe for stealing her away, because she should be here.
She wasn’t. Yet Kallie was. I found tears welling up in my eyes as I added, “But I know that she sent you to me, and I couldn’t ask for a better friend in the entire world. I lovedMonica so much… but I’m starting to realize that I love you even more. I couldn’t marry Charlie without you, and wouldn’t want to. Charlie’s my twin flame, but you’re my soulmate. I couldn’t think of anyone better to stand in her place.”
Tears beaded the corners of her eyes. “Oh, Ava.” Kallie hugged me, and I embraced her back. “If I could pick anyone in the world to have by my side for the rest of my life, it would be you.”
“Always.” Even if, ancestors forbid, something happened to Charlie and the whole world withered away, I had a chance to get by, so long as Kallie was there to hold my hand.
I held Kallie close, until she drew away and said, “I have to meet up with Marcus. Cross your fingers that the best man didn’t lose the rings.”
“Unlikely.” I laughed. Kallie placed a loving kiss on the top of my head before she wandered out.
Oberi was the only one still in the room with me, resting on a perch near a wardrobe. Oberi hadn’t said much all day, merely observed the routine of the bridal suite with interest. She hadn’t even eaten, which was so unlike her.
Oberi, help me,I thought.I don’t know what to do.
She ruffled her feathers.Love persists in spite of conflict.
