“Thanks,” I told him. “It came pouring out of me earlier.”
“Death is… interesting for us immortals,” Ivy murmured. “Vampires and angels don’t die unless they’re killed. Funerals aren’t something we often attend. But this is special.”
That much was true. And it wasn’t like I was the only one who’d changed. All of my relationships would morph and grow over the years, continually dying and reblooming again. Kallie had told me this was the circle the fae honored on this earth, and I was just beginning to understand that death wasn’t a permanent state. It was flowing, much like birth was. It was only our perception that made it seem final, inevitable, instead of a seamless transformation, just like Oberi shifting from one body to another. To change was to stay the same. That was a comforting thought.
The cemetery was still ruined from the Underground caving in, so we went to a piece of the prison yard that hadn’t been disturbed by anyone yet. Charlie used his Earth magic to create a hole, and Springs jumped in, rolling around in the dirt.
“Sprigs, no,” Charlie scolded gently, then lifted him back out. Kallie placed the box in the ground— inside were a collection of objects from my old life. There wasn’t a lot in there, as the Institute didn’t allow us to have much, but I’d managed to find a few tokens that I’d saved over the years. I gave the photograph to Kallie, and she laid it on top of the box before bowing to me.
I lit the box and the photo aflame. My Koigni magic was hot, and turned everything inside the shallow grave to ashes instantly. I observed the face of the girl in the photograph, watching the edges of the flames devour up her visage, and I felt sorry for her. There was so much she would have to endure to get to the point where I was at now, and in the end, it would kill her. I knew there was no going back and changing the past, but the future I was looking to create was bright. I had to rebuild myself from the ground up. After such a long time, I finally felt ready to start.
Once there was nothing left to burn, Charlie moved the dirt over the ashes, immersing them completely in the ground. As the grave was closed, I gained a sense of heavy relief, and released a long-held breath.
“It is done,” Kallie said. “The old you has died, and been committed to the earth. You have been reborn.”
A tremendous warmth welled inside of me, growing warm in my chest. I felt lighter. More than that, I felt… transformed.
Behind me, Chancey wailed. “You can’t get me like that, man!” Chancey sniffed. “It’s too much!”
“And you thought this was silly,” Ivy scolded, taking out a handkerchief and wiping Chancey’s face. “You’re crying more than anybody.”
A couple of people laughed. Charlie knelt beside me. “How do you feel, pidge?”
“Renewed,” I told him. “What about you?”
He patted Oberi on the back and said, in a way that set my soul free, “Like we can finally put the past behind us.”
CHAPTERSEVENTEEN
CHARLIE
Burying the past was a profound experience for all of us. I always thought leaving things in the past meant ignoring them until you forgot about them completely. But that only left wounds that festered, until you couldn’t ignore them any longer and one day they consumed you. Ava’s funeral felt healing in a way that didn’t make any sense. It should be sad— and it was, but not in the way I’d become accustomed to. We could look back and grieve on the Ava-Marie we lost— and the parts of ourselves we had lost with her— but we could honor it, too, and be happy about the new person she was becoming.
Honoring our past didn’t mean forgetting about it. It meant remembering it with reverence, while still being able to move forward with those memories and lessons in our hearts.
Obsessing about the past used to feel like honoring it. It was like if I forgot about what happened for one moment, it didn’t matter at all. Ava showed me things could be different. For the first time, I didn’t feel shame for not holding on to the past long enough.
I would always remember the old Ava. I grieved for the woman we lost. But I damn sure loved the Ava who’d been born from the ashes. I could love them both, even if I only got to exist alongside one of them.
There was so much I wanted to say when I stood at that pulpit, but I didn’t know how. Maybe that was okay, though. I didn’t have to get all the words right to know it was okay to move on. I was certain Ava could feel everything I couldn’t find the words for, and that was good enough for me.
Ava and I seemed more in sync than ever. I didn’t know if it was something that happened at the funeral, or a slow process that had taken place over the last several months, but it seemed that our bond had never been stronger.
I dodged Marcus’ stunning spells as we trained in Hemlock’s secret room once finals week was over. Ava gave instructions through our bond. It was like we didn’t need language at all anymore.
Left! Right! Duck!she instructed, only it was more afeelingthan actual words. I reacted so quickly it shocked me. I didn’t have to think about her instructions; I followed them as if they were my own thoughts.
Oberi had been the one to suggest the training exercise. I needed to learn how to fight on his signals, so I didn’t hurt my friends during battle like I did in Forevermore. Oberi had started by barking once to move left and twice to move right, but Marcus’ spell had taken me down in a single blow.
Ava had quickly cut in with a better idea. Our bond was definitely a quicker method.
Jump, Ava instructed.
I jumped as high as I could, and my hands landed on the table in the center of the room.
Duck!Ava yelled in my mind.
I dove into a summersault, and Marcus’ spell whizzed through the air overhead. I’d narrowly dodged it and came away unscathed. I scrambled to my feet and raced forward, until Ava told me to jump again. I leapt off the table and landed on my feet.
