Kallie sighed. “I can’t manipulate destiny. That much is for certain.”
“Then there’s no point inevergoing back,” I said. “Not if it makes Ava this sick. We may have set things back the way they were, but we didn’t— not really. We messed up our own timeline. We’re in a reality where Ava’s injury is flaring, when it wasn’t this bad before. What happens if we can’t restore things this close again? Every time we fuck with time, it makes her sicker. We did a lot of that today. We can’t do it again.”
“Unless we need to—”
“No,” I stated bluntly. “Never. I’m not putting Ava in this much pain for anything. Do you understand?”
Kallie paused for a beat. “I’m not going to let that happen. I promise.”
“Glad we’re on the same page. You should head back to your dorm and rest,” I suggested. “It’s been a hard day on all of us.”
Kallie got up to leave. The moment she left the room, I doubled over the trash can and spewed my guts.
Ugh. Fucking time travel.
I puked a few more times, before my body stopped trembling and I felt like I could stand on my feet again. I returned to the bedroom. The sheets rustled as Ava tossed and turned.
I knelt beside her and smoothed her hair back. “Pidge, I’m here.”
She trembled beneath my touch.Charlie, it’s never been this awful.
Tears leaked from her eyes, and I wiped them away. To say I felt guilty was an understatement. There were no words for the horrible blame I placed on myself. I wanted to take all her pain away and make it my own.
This is one of those unfortunate consequences I warned you about before we brought her back,Oberi noted sadly.
“I’m here, pidge,” I said. It was all Icouldsay, because there was nothing I coulddoto make this better. I hated that.
I wanted to comfort her, and I had the thought that I had to understand her first. Ava had granted me permission to enter her mind in dire circumstances, when I needed to help her. This felt like one of those times.
I didn’t have to prod. For the briefest of moments, her barriers dropped, and I felt the agonizing pain throughout her entire body. It was like being impaled by a hundred knives from all angles. It felt as if someone had cut open my middle, set it on fire, then started tearing pieces out bit by bit. Every organ seemed to be folding inside out. My bones were like razor blades, cutting into my muscles. It was pure hell.
I drew away instantly, slamming the bond shut. I couldn’t take another second. My hands trembled, but it was nothing compared to Ava’s body shaking on the bed.
Guilt welled up inside of me. I was able to turn off the pain and retreat inside my own body, where I was safe. Ava couldn’t, and I had the horrifying thought thatIdid this to her.
I can’t endure this anymore. It’s too much,she begged.You have to end it. Just smother me.
I went completely still. I didn’t want to believe that she’d just uttered those words…
Except Ididbelieve it, because I’d felt what she had, and it was unbearable. I found myself reaching for the pillow, but I didn’t want to use it.
Ava wept.If you love me, you’ll kill me.
I just sat there with the pillow in my hands, a million thoughts flitting through me at once. I could end her suffering and her pain. The last thing I wanted was my pidge to hurt like this.
Please, she begged silently.I can’t do this, Charlie. You have Air magic. You can make it quick. Don’t let me linger on like this.
Maybe therewasa way to take her pain away… For one dark moment, I considered doing as she asked, if only because she wanted me to, and I would do anything for her.
I thought about the choice I’d made to bring her back from the Underground. This was a way to correct that mistake, because itwasa mistake if she had to live like this. If anything, I didn’t want my wife to exist in unbearable pain.
My fingers tightened on the pillow. I tried to move forward, but couldn’t.
Oberi jumped between us. He knocked the pillow out of my hands and said,Don’t be silly, Ava. If you die, who’s going to hide your body? Because we damn well know Charlie won’t manage to carry you out to the prison yard without running into a few walls along the way.
Ava let out a choked laugh that was more like a sob. Although the pain still resonated across our bond, it seemed to ease at the humor.
Oberi shoved me roughly, and I managed to force a smile onto my face. “You know, if I kill you, you’re going to miss that opportunity to have that threesome Chancey won’t shut up about. Never mind, that just gives you another reason to want to die.”
