“I’m not sure, really,” I admitted. “She let something slip that bothers me.”
“Ah, trouble in the bedroom,” Alistair said.
“No,” I insisted as I pulled the lever on my table. Oberi was licking his lips, trying to get the taste out of his mouth. “Ava said I’m losing my ability to track with my eyes. I just don’t get it. How can I feel so safe here, of all places? I used to be in survival mode all the time. It’s how I tracked so well. Now, it’s like… like I’mcomfortablehere, and that really bothers me, because this isn’t a good place for me or my wife. What if there’s a part of me that doesn’t want to leave the Institute?”
“That’s bull,” Alistair said. “You want to get out of here. I know you do. You’d never put Ava in a dangerous situation if you had a choice.”
“Maybe I’m scared that it’s more dangerous out there,” I said. I didn’t know if I believed anything I was saying. Ididn’twant to stay here, but maybe I was lying to myself, because as terrible as the Institute could be, there were good parts to it. It was home, pretty much the only real home I’d ever had. My body was revealing what my mind didn’t want to admit.
“You think it’ll be more dangerous when you get out of here because you can’t track anymore?” Alistair asked.
“That worries me, yeah,” I admitted.
“You’re worried you’ve changed, but you haven’t,” Alistair said. “If anything, you’re more resourceful since you came here. You can do anything, Charlie. Your ability to track doesn’t change that.”
“I guess,” I agreed. “But if it doesn’t change anything, why was Ava so reluctant to tell me?”
“Maybe she knew your self-confidence would take a hit,” Alistair suggested. “She wanted you to believe you’re as tough as always.”
I sighed. “Wouldn’t it be better if she told me and treated it like it wasn’t a big deal, instead of making it this big secret she had to keep so she didn’t hurt me? It feels worse this way. I don’t know what to think.”
I knew I’d made a mistake earlier, trying to get into her head. My overwhelming drive to protect Ava was starting to erode her consent, and though I wanted to keep her safe, she had to make those decisions. But how could I stand idly by and watch her deteriorate without doing something to help?
“You two are still adjusting to this new life,” Alistair said reassuringly. “I watched my parents go through the same thing. My mom was paralyzed in a bad car accident shortly before I was born, then I came along with all these health issues. I know they struggled, especially because they had to learn how to take care of a disabled kid before they’d hardly learned how to care for my mom’s disability. I feel for Ava, I really do, because seeing her in that chair reminds me so much of my mom. And goddess, that woman is a saint. Didn’t matter what she was going through. She and my dad were always there for me.”
Alistair got a bit choked up talking about his parents. He cleared his throat and continued. “As I grew up, there was always something new to deal with, because I was always in the hospital. And when I wasn’t, it was my mom. We did all right financially, because my parents were both lawyers. Lydia and Quentin Martin were the best damn lawyers in the whole Miriamic Coven, and then they had a delinquent son like me come along to ruin their reputation. It wasn’t fair to them, really. I took things out on them whenever some bully came along to make my life a living hell. But that’s how it was in our family. We were constantly learning new ways to handle life because our health was never steady. But my family was there for each other. Didn’t matter how many jerks picked on me, or how many doctors blew us off, we always had each other. It’s like that with your family— you, Oberi, and Ava. You guys have each other, and all the rest is bullshit. I know you three will figure out anything life throws at you.”
It was rare for Alistair to get sentimental, which made his words have all the more impact. I nearly teared up.
“You’re right,” I said. “Ava and Icanget through anything. Thanks, Alistair.”
“Can I offer some advice?” Ivy asked from their table.
I hesitated, though I was curious what they had to say. “I guess so.”
“It sounds like Ava and you need to establish better communication. That starts with trust,” Ivy said.
“I trust Ava,” I insisted.
“Doyou?” Ivy challenged.
It was a rhetorical question, but I felt the sting of the answer. I’d tried to prod into Ava’s head without her permission. Would I do that if I trusted her?
It wasn’t that Ididn’ttrust Ava. I’d put my life in that woman’s hands. But there was this gray area we were playing in that lacked the mutual trust we should have as husband and wife.
Trust wasn’t just knowing someone was going to catch you when you fell. It was knowing they’d ask you to catch them whentheyfell, too.
I drew a deep breath. “How do we establish trust?”
“Trust, my friend, begins in the bedroom,” Ivy practically sang.
They already hump like bunnies,Oberi joked.What else do you expect of them?
My shoulders dropped. “Look, I appreciate the help you gave us last time, but I don’t need sex advice—”
“Sir, this is notsex advice,” Ivy emphasized. “This istherapy. Ava’s mind is all over the place. The woman runs on chaotic energy and always has, but it’s to the point of her own detriment. She’s suffering, and I hate to see my precious suffer. You’ve got to find a way to help her focus— on you, on her body. Help her find a set point, and it will ground her to the moment, and she’ll be able to hold on to what’s slipping through her head. You’re very self-controlled, and now you need to teach her the same.”
I nearly snorted. “Me? Self-controlled? I pinned you against a wall and nearly choked you out.”
